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Friday, October 11, 2013
Friday Thoughts and Links
The Mark of the ‘Bag marks douche for all those who doubt douchitude.
The Mark of the ‘Bag comes in many shapes and forms.
But whether grease stain or silly heart, the Mark of the ‘Bag does not lie.
Perfection Sarah plays lutes of suckle poke undies gargle. Like a deep fried plantain or a cronut dipped in Bosco, hers are the lickable pooch fondle of harmonic bobble. Do not doubt the disease curing power of her taut milk thighs or sweet supple steroid-free farm raised thighs and wings. For they do not age and do not wither. Not without God hanging his head in shame.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit to Support The Site Link of the Week: Judge my fetishes not lest ye be judged.
HCwDB’s own Mr. Biggs has finally realized his longtime graphic novel project and it is amazing. Check it out and show your support: Inferno Los Angeles
Even when Benzino hangs with a bro, the whole thing is kinda creepy.
What the world needs now: More female streakers
Funny or Die’s Between Two Ferns interviews porn star Justine Bieber.
And then there’s dinosaur erotica. Of course there is.
British newspaper analyzes San Francisco techie herpsters, comes up with the word ‘douchebag.’ Meh, close enough.
Priests hanging out with 15 year old kids not wearing pants? I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.
Meanwhile, in terrorism news, The Unipooper strikes again!
Okay, here’s ya go:
Not enough? Okiedokie:
Like buttpear for photoshop.
Friday, October 11, 2013Friday Haiku
“Just relax, Trishia;
You may feel a little prick…”
She’s used to big ones…
Monkey hole or the
bunny hole. The gyroscope
will go in like this.
— UFO Destroyers
Using syringe to
fix prolapse is like throwing
hot dog down hallway.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Truth ads move from the
Dangers of smoking cigs to
Hazards of butt chug.
— Capt. James T. Douche
Will health care reform
Let bunny girl choose her own
Naughty Nurse? Hope so.
— The Dude
CDC Flu Shot
Campaign targets those at risk.
Elderly, kids, whores
— Magnum Douche P. I.
Flu shot or glue shot?
Either way, Trish like it in
Ass, standing up
— DoucheyWallnuts
It puts the needle
In the ass or it gets the
Hose. The Valtrex Hose.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Now Obamacare
requires gyroscope insert
be done in public
— Dickie Fingers
Thursday, October 10, 2013When Tattbags Grow Old
Suddenly the old man in the canoe looks very tired.
Wait, what?
I was referring to a tattoo of an old man in a canoe.
What were you thinking?
Thursday, October 10, 2013The Artistic Meatwad
Sometimes black and white just captures the nuances of the pathos of a given moment in ways that color cannot.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013The King Lives!
The pic I posted this morning, Chudwick the Boiled in presence of Lacey, has left me bereft of all humanity and motivation in this short existential crisis we call life.
So in a way, I find solace in the fact that uberdouchey legend King Douchuous the IV continues to reject a proper life in service of chasing a Dionysian fantasy.
It’s good to know that while so much changes, some things are eternal. The King’s douchey hair in presence of Vegas Party Chicks?
Eternal.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013Reader Mail: Vinnie Sphincter's Girl
Jesse G. writes in with an update on the odious Vinnie Sphincter’s girl:
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From: Jesse G.
Subject: Vinnie Sphincter’s Girl strikes again!
Yo small world but Sphincter’s girl party’s at the same club i party at! Say it aint so!!! with a chin like her’s how could she not be a douche bag magnet….or boxing sparring partner!!!
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This email reads like viral PR for Don Jon. I’m not sure whether to respond or ask for click-through rates.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013Chudwick The Boiled Cuddles with Lacey
Shut it down!!
Shut it all down!
For God’s sake, someone pull the plug!!
The internet is lost, good sirs and madams.
It’s over, Johnny.
Over.
Get thee to the Closet of Poo, Chudwick the Boiled. And Lacey, thy thighs be done.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013HCwDB After Dark…
Baby’s asleep…
HC1 is off getting dinner…
The DB1 is drunk on tasty fortified Night Train wine…
Time to appreciate a hot tub gaggle of middle management hotts even if they led Ned From Sales in to make Douche Hand Gesture #21…
And by appreciate, I mean apearrrciate…
Tuesday, October 8, 2013Tyler Perry's "Chicago Jones and the Search for Gold Bling"
That’s it. I’mma skip this flick and go straight to the new Seth Rogen vehicle, “Average Shmoe Experiences Funny Life Lessons and Has a Cathartic Epiphany at the End.” I hear Jonah Hill makes a cameo!
EDIT: Bonus points to anyone in the comments thread who can accurately explain exactly what Chicago Jones’s afro is doing.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013The Scarfophagus Scores Way Out of His Pay Grade
Hamster Hott Jenny is that odd mix of sexy suckle chomp and slightly odd looking overbite. She resembles classic 1980s bitchy-hott Valley Girl ethos in all its most carnal manifestations. And for that, her cleavite is to be enshrined and applauded by a roomful of applauding ferrets.
The Scarfophagus wears a thin scarf, and for that, deserves nothing but collective spittle poo poo diaper.
