Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Reader Mail: Iron 'Bag's Pepper Potts Threatens Legal Action

A flurry of emails enters the DB1’s in-box:

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The “iron bag”posted on oct 2nd has a copy written photo of me in it. I never gave anyone permission to use my image on your site and I would like it removed immediately. IIf you need further proof I am happy to provide.

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This is ME ^ in the above photo, this image has a copy write and needs to be removed ASAP.

Thanks.

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its not enough that it is a photo of ME and I never gave permission for my image to be used on this site? You clearly state in your fine print you will remove anyones personal image?

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Not sure who keeps submitting photos of MY on your site, but I would like you to stop approving them. I promote my image and have spent years building a name for myself and my work online and can not be represented in such a manner on your site. please remove all photos of me.

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I’m not sure who submits photos of MY either.

Then, after a short break:

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I have notified the photographer and he will also be in touch shortly.

If you remove it now we won’t have our attorney send a cease and desist letter which will require you to mail us a letter of compliance to prevent further action.

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The “guy” in this case happens to be an executive who works with Fortune 50 companies having fun at DragonCon and doesn’t appreciate his picture being plastered all over the internet. Do you think his name is really Kym LaRoux? He uses that to prevent people he doesn’t want seeing the pictures from finding him on FB. But, you’ve done a great job of promoting the pic! Nice job.

He’s waiting for his attorney to get out of court for the day so he can send you the letter so I suggest you remove it as soon as you are done with your travels.

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Why is “guy” in quotes? I’m so confused. However, once I realized “Kym LaRoux” was an anagram for “Clownsy McClownsalot” I was on to the ruse.

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Just to ensure you understand this is a serious matter, please be advised your actions constitute copyright infringement in violation of United States copyright laws. Under 17 U.S.C. 504, the consequences of copyright infringement include statutory damages of between $750 and $30,000 per work, at the discretion of the court, and damages of up to $150,000 per work for willful infringement. If you continue to engage in copyright infringement after receiving this message your actions will be evidence of “willful infringement.”

So if I were you I’d make sure the comments on the page are turned off immediately because any further statements expose you to legal action for copyright infringement and are considered an attempt to defame our reputation and are therefore slanderous and libel.

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As Buddha once asked the ‘Baghavad Gita, is it slander to threaten libel while a salamander drinks libations?

Lex Doucher Plots World Domination, Luscious Maria Giggles

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time on this earth, it’s never ever trust anyone who looks like a Germanic Hugh Laurie. Even when they don’t look particularly douchey. Something’s up.

Luscious Maria will find out what it is soon enough. My guess is it will involve Germanic performance art as first innovated by Mr. Hans.

Reader Mail: Iron 'Bag is Not A Douche

PIC DELETED

Chris writes in with a defense of last week’s Iron ‘Bag:

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These two are some of the nicest, coolest, most level headed people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in the Atlanta party scene. I’m always impressed with both Angie and Kym’s outfits and think it’s asinine for a group of anonymous ass clowns to pass judgement on people they don’t know. Jus sayin 😉

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I’ve met many people in the Atlanta party scene. Superdouche. Spiderdouche. Even Aquadouche that one time in the Halls of Groinstice.

So yes. Angie and Kym’s outfits are impressive. Most impressive. But they are not an ass clown yet.

Axe Body Spray Attracts Bitches

Too much and you’ll end up smelling like Shit…zu.

Dog pun.

HCwDB: The Next Generation

Vanity Fair explains the next-generation of social media hookup HCwDB tragedy:

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They arranged to rendezvous at a shopping mall in Los Angeles not far from the neighborhood where they lived. “Of course it was going to be a public place. And if it turned out he was really some gross old man, I’d just run away.” But there he was, standing by his car, looking almost like his picture. . . . Almost. There was something different about his face—it was “squishier. Like, he was almost fat.” But now here they were, and she didn’t know quite how to get out of it.

He smiled and kissed her on the cheek. He smelled of Axe Body Spray. She was sorry she’d spent so much time getting ready for this. “I even waxed,” she said. He wanted her to get in his car, but she knew she shouldn’t. They started walking around the mall, “talking about nothing, nothing. It was awkward, totally weird.” He asked if she wanted to sit down, but there was nowhere to sit except in restaurants, so they wound up going inside a Pottery Barn and making out on a couch. Later she posted something on her Tumblr blog about the difficulty of finding love.

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Pottery Barn, kids.

Pottery Barn.

Friday Thoughts and Links

When the Armenian Eyebrows of Mediocrity score Punkrocker Hottie Kaylie, you know it’s Friday.

Your humb narrs was up all night with a two month old who just got her shots. But when you got a cutie that looks all cute, you don’t sweat the small stuff.

And yes, it’s hard to oggle the hotties now that I’m the father of a little girl. I can feel the karmic winds of justice building knowing that some little two month old boy out there in the mists will slowly grow into a scrotal fratpud over the next twenty years, and then show up on my doorstep in 2033 with whatever postapocalyptic douche gear is in style. And say, “Is BC1 home?”

Payback is a bitch.

Woe is my future.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit and Support the Site Link of the Week: Got a kid? Booo!!!

And while you’re at it, if you live in the greater Portland area and aren’t a granola crunching anti-establishment asswank, check out the great Baron Von Goolo’s Frighttown!!. It just opened and will be, as always, the beating heart of the vampiric soul.

The Hand of the Collective Unconscious strikes again.

Please turn him off.

You may be clouds, but you are no Pumpy.

Darksock enjoys a Horse lime.

Remember six pound douchewatches? Get ready for Six Pound Smart Douchewatches. In Philadelphia? It’s worth fifty dollars.

The new bodywash? Groinwash.

The performance that got Elvis Costello banned from Saturday Night Live, proving that Lorne Michaels was a tool even back in the 1970s. I wonder what SNL would be like today if it was still on the air.

Okay, nuff of all that. How about some:

Real World Bubblegumpear

Not enough?

Woodpear

Like a hearty meaty meat fireplace of soothing mellow.

Friday Haiku

Larry and Gary

Made sex tapes with their girlfriends.

Y’all did it all wrong…

I wish government

Shutdown closed places like this

And killed these people

— DoucheyWallnuts

Penis magic show

Goes horribly wrong when they

Reveal what is taped

— Capt. James T. Douche

Before sending prey to

Carousel. The girls tease the reds

With booby action.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

I’ll bet 10 bucks these

douches are clueless about

Wendy O. Williams.

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

Milkman convention’s

most popular seminar.

Handling milk jugs.

— Magnum Douche P. I.

This Douche/Bleeth round up

Drunken Vegas Rorschach test

I see seven boobs

— Vin Douchal

I see two fake boobs.

Aside from that, those girls have

Silicone titties.

— Jacques Doucheteau

Meat curtains get stretched

When tape clothing is removed

Enough to make tent

— DoucheyWallnuts

The tape gets removed

And silicone funbags fall.

Put the tape back on!

— The Dude

The Urban Cowboy Remake

Man, is there any movie that Tyler Perry can’t screw up?

Che Douchevara

One of the central components of ‘Bag Culture is the cooption of the authentic in service of the market economy.

Postmodern images shorn of the originary context and employed in service of ironic bottle-service distancing leads only to primordial cries of “Woo!” that reject the very premise of language as a tool of liberation.

And so we see Che.

Revolutionary Che.

In the dance club.

And so it goes in the neo-neo-Marxian dance floor circus. Po-tee-weet.

Where's Waldo?: Vegas Edition

Somewhere in this pic of Borderline Chet and Body By Mandy, I’ve carefully hiden a Vegasian Waldo.

Look closely.

Can you buy him a Bud Light Lime?