Monday, October 14, 2013
Reader Mail: This is Sheldon
Sarah writes in with a Sheldon tag:
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From: Sarah
Subject: Gel Haired Douchey douche
This is Sheldon. He is Indian. That is his girlfriend. Sheldon’s hair is crisp, you could break it off, he loads it with gel. He also lifts, but more than that he talks about lifting. he wears chains around his neck, and flashy v-neck t-shirts. Besides wearing more jewelry than most girls I know, he also takes more selfies. He is a douche, inside and out. And his chick isn’t all that hot either.
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Well tagged, Sarah. I especially appreciate the koan-like writing style. Short. To the point. Like early Hemingway. Or perhaps a mix between drugged up 1970s-era Dr. Seuss and this.
“A Sheldon can do your income taxes, if you need a root canal, Sheldon’s your man… but humpin’ and pumpin’ is not Sheldon’s strong suit. It’s the name. ‘Do it to me Sheldon, you’re an animal Sheldon, ride me big Shel-don.’ …..Doesn’t work.”
Lukewarm Pupae with Douchebags.
Old Indian folktale – The Two Caterpilars and the Douchebag.
I’m curious to see more of Sheldon’s chick. You know, for observational purposes.
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Fappers
If you didn’t click the first link, it’s a ‘bag selfie.
Is he a Casino Indian or a 7-11 Indian?
We don’t have to worry about Sheldon anymore. He went home and this happened:
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The name “Sheldon” doesn’t have a good history here, anyway.
Sarah sounds a little bitter. Speculating that maybe Sheldon gave her a taste of his curry and then dumped her ass for the above hot. Just a thought.
From Dunkin’ Donuts to Dunkin Deeznuts.
Wheezer compartmentalizes.
Sheldon should outsource his douchebaggery to Bangalore.
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Hang on …