Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Miserable Hal

You might think partying with sexy cuddle blondes on a Tuesday would inspire at least some human emotion in a sentient human being.

A smile.

A glimmer of recognition of the conscious state of living.

You’d be wrong.

Miserable Hal don’t play conscious states of emotional inner life.

Miserable Hal got no time for that. No matter how many hotties are provided. To paraphrase Zeppelin, the thong remains the same.

Old Guy Greg

Old Guy Greg is half way there.

Old Guy Greg is livin’ on a prayer.

No, literally.

He worked at the studio when they recorded that song. As the old guy.

And to think, just last year Awkward Hott Kelly and the Barely Legal Sisters actually worked at the Legal Seafood in Chestnut Hill.

Ironic, given the then-illegality of their haddock.

You thought I was gonna say clams.

Haddock.

Douche 2.0: The Herpster

Lets hear it for the herpsters!

For without their farm-to-table Movember asswankery, sweet cupcakes like Marissa might be forced to date someone who doesn’t cheat on her at Burning Man.

As Rashi once said, you can’t spell artisanal without anal.

Some Guy With Glasses Boobs

Large sunglasses.

The tool by which those who cannot face the truth of their dearth of spiritual depth are able to hide in plain sight.

Too depressing for a Monday?

Don’t make me post the Zapped fart again.

No universe is totally devoid of meaning if it contains a Willie Aames.

Riddle Me This!…

What has red hair, looks like the 1980s coughed up a hair metal ball, and hangs with Elvira’s less famous cousin, Dwarfvira?

Tune in next week!

Same butt time!…

Same butt channel!…

Butt.

Instead of bat.

You get it.

Mike Has Phantom Breasts

Princess Nicole’s, however, are very real.

Real in the tactile sense, of course. I’m not reaching conclusive forensics on whether said mamalians conform to the genetic blueprint as originally determined. I leave that to far better scholars and scientists than I.

Fratbag or Clever College Performance Artist?

So some college bro’s self-aware ironic Vines are now sweeping the internets, and I’m on the fence about this guy.

Fratbag by another name? Or a dude who’s mastered the joy of being an idiot in college?

Okay, I’ll probably have to go nottabag and give the guy props. There’s some quality creativity in there.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Where’s Timmyspike?…

There’s Timmyspike!!

And by Timmyspike, I mean forget Timmyspike, lets focus on that Superman alcoholic taut suckle thigh and Lex Luthor handcuffs.

I’ll take Groin Accoutrements in the center square for the win, Whoopi.

Yup.

Another Friday in the ole’ DB1 household. The cheap consumption of Thunderbird and HoHos has given way to the exhaustion of a little poop maker. And by little poop maker, I mean my butt. Okay no. I mean my kid.

Now I drink for a different reason. To remember longingly the days I used to drink simply to forget. Babypoo’ll do that to an individual.

But all is well in the DB1 household.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit After Clicking on This Link to Support the Site Link of the Week: “Nothing up my sleeve… and David Blaine is for suckas.”

Hard to believe in the year 2013 there are still giant vortexes of pimple suck wasting oxygen on this plane.

Google is hard at work patenting an electronic throat tattoo. Yup. Time to nuke Peoria.

Balls.

Donkey Douche loses the hat tilt.

Yet more news from the con game that is online dating.

From Austin, Texas, meet… The Douchewaiter.

Okay, enough of that real world crap. Have some

Coffeepear

Insert cream and sugar joke. Oh wait, I just did.

Friday Haiku

“That was TERRIBLE!

What do you call your stage act?!?”

“THE ARISTOCRATS!!!”

What Prompted her Tat?

Herpes Test is positive

Hence her evil clit

— THEONETRUEDOUCHE

Fruit salad reveal

And back of the thighs tattoos

Can’t distract from Douche

— Doucheywallnuts

I bet evil clit

means she’s packing a sausage

tuck in that short skirt

— Magnum Douche P. I.

Her Finishing Move

Backwards Headshot Clit Hammer

Flawless Victory

— Douche Wayne

Trish saw no problem

with adding more infections

in between her legs.

— Douche Wayne

Christmas is coming

Stan and Jill practice their new

Ballet, ‘Slutcracker’

— saulgoode42

Trish’s new tatt will

be all the talk around the

trailer park this week

— Magnum Douche P. I.

Writing with faeces is

A misunderstood artform

Except for monkeys.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

Stinky Thumbs McGhee

And Evil Clit agree that

Meth’s helluva drug!

— Capt. James T. Douche

Clit has been Evil

since the gyroscope was put

in her monkey hole.

— Douche Wayne

I would hate to hear

What she calls her butthole if

Her clit is evil.

— Capt. James T. Douche

Colonel Wallnuts sprays

graffiti to wage peace/war.

Tats, self-inflicted.

— Charles Douchewin

********************

The Masked Hairchoad

Well this is a first.

Of all the hottie/douchey club pics I’ve evaluated over all the years this site has existed, ne’er has I seen a choad blind himself with his lady’s hair.

So ya got that going for ya, Chet.

Now where’s my package of HoHos? The baby is asleep. Time to gorge on tasty chemical product.