Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Vinnie Cappadicci Purchases a Blue Watch

Angie Cappaducco is impressed.

The waiter scratches his nads.

A fly buzzes against a windowsill.

The second hand ticks.

And a planet hurtles towards the abyss.

Too depressing for a Monday morning? Take it up with complaints.

Melvin Wins at the Game of Life

Massholes.

They rule the world.

And the annoy the world, too.

Your Saturday Boatbaggery

Amazing how some images reveal so little actual hottie/douchey atrocity, yet you can smell the bodyspray and post-coital bro-texting like a pungent odor gremlin haunting the collective unconscious.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Oh, Mongor.

How you drift languidly through your vapid, meaningles life like a somnambulant Skeksi.

Oh sure, there are moments when a shaft of illustrative consciousness strikes through the dark, primal mold of your conscious being. Every so often, your limited grunting is beset by a paroxysm of clarity. A flash. A sliver. A thought you can barely articulate.

How do we make sense of this inordinately complex world in which we are given the grace to occupy for a few short decades? How do we seek higher meaning while distracted by the everyday mundanities of preserving the body over the nourishment of the mind?

But then the server comes by.

And the DJ drops the bass.

And it’s time to Woo! into the abyss once again.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Buy Some Shit on Amazon and Support the Site Link of the Week: “If all pleasure is relief from tension, junk affords relief from the whole life process, in disconnecting the hypothalamus, which is the center of psychic energy and libido.”

Now that’s a drink holder!

Terry Richardson is not edgy. He is what I like to call the Anal Wart Photochoad.

Speaking of photos, 30 amazingly moving photos. It’s a big world out there, kids. Do not look at these pictures lightly.

Ever feel like society is slipping into a dystopian sci-fi novel? I give you: Child MMA.

Lorde continues to challenge the generic pop-star paradigm. There may be hope for pop music yet.

Yeesh. I will never complain about the New York subways again.

Okay kids! Lets play around round of Brooklyn or Silverlake!

Game of Toblerones.

Understand the bodybuilding fake tan using this carefully calibrated venn diagram.

Okay. Here’s ya go:

GiggleBobblePear

For the real world smush glass inside all of us.

Friday Haiku

Posing with trophies

Of foxes and cougars, it’s

The Great White Humpers

Don’t click to enlarge

Ren-and-Stimpy-like details

are horrifying

— Charles Douchewin

In the jungle, the

Mighty jungle, the lion

wants to run away

— The Dude

Ivory renoB

Photo Bombs team photo of

Douche/Bleeth convention

— DoucheyWallnuts

Ivory’s been scarce

since the gyroscope was put

in her cheetah hole.

— Douche Wayne

Large areola

Is the size of a pizza

And it oozes cheese

— DoucheyWallnuts

She hides under rocks

Since the gyroscope was put

In her Monkey Hole.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

It’s a little known fact

that elephants stampede when

they smell ignorance.

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

Group later eaten

by cannibals. Tasted like

Axe and Vagisil

— Magnum Douche P.I.

Boner photobomb

leaves Geno pissed, hotts wet, Drew

sexily confused

— Morbo

Red Hott Regina Tolerates Glenn

It’s the price you pay for a free cosmo.

Sometimes a Corndog is Just a Corndog

And other times it’s a substitute peen.

In a related story, my new website, “Skanky Hot Chicks Drinking YooHoo” plans to launch in early 2014.

A Greasepitzer Cuddles With Perfect Eve

If ever you indulged the thought that hottie/douchey cohabit was fading as we enter the teenage years of this new century, banish that conceit from your pretty little head.

Because professional Vegas Douchclownsians are greasing the suckle bobble pokes. Lo, a Greasepitzer is cuddling somewhere with Perfect Eve.

Eve’s ful lips and sultry Mayan Eye of Coitus offer harpsichord Beethoven sex music run through stereophonic musak elevator to butt fondle.

Okay. So that last sentence got away from me.

But regardless, Ganesh and Vishnu rend their garments and spittle on a Torah at this evidence of wrong.

NFL Football Player Richie Incognito is an Inflated Roidpimple

Douchebags.

Still out there.

Still jacked up on amphetamines, confusion, self hatred and bitterness.

Evil Yellow Sunball Don't Get Paid Enough For This Crap

If Evil Yellow Sunball gotta sit around and watch any more of this then Evil Yellow Sunball might have to smack a bitch. And by bitch, Evil Yellow Sunball means a female dog.