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Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Reader Mail: Douchebags and The Gays
Reader Brian posted the following in last week’s Happy Halloween comments thread:
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I know you do not seem like a huge fan of the gay community (maybe I am wrong? I have been once or twice in my life! Lol) but as a gay man I look forward to seeing pics of hot, juiced up douchebags and check this site every day. Not seeing them as much as I used to?!
I happen to think the dude in the middle is smoking hot and I know you published one of him before with a ‘hot chick’ and he had these crazy eyes in the photo-similar to his look in this one; it was a turn on actually!!
I am sure you have TONS of gay fans. BTW, I think you have mentioned being from Brookline or at least Boston. I live in Allston. Love your site but more roided douchebags please; makes my day. Peace.
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We here at HCwDB welcome readers from all persuasions, and I have nothing against gay people, except when they describe douchebags as “hot.” Then you’ve crossed a line, my gay friend. Not cool.
You see, Brian practices what theorist Stuart Hall defines as an oppositional reading strategy. He takes a given text (HCwDB) and actively re-purposes its meaning in a way different than that intended by the author.
Brian’s reframing of douche mocking into gay lust actually serves as an important lesson in how concepts such as Antonin Scalia’s constitutional originalism, the belief that a given text has one and only one meaning that can somehow be deciphered like a Secret Society Decoder Ring is so ludicrous.
Each of us bring our subjectivities and active agency into the process of interpretation in any given text. Communication is generated as much by the spectator as by the author.
It is a proverbial two-way-street of meaning. A repeating cycle rather than a linear path.
When Brian perceives the douchebag as “hot,” it reflects how we all interpret texts in ways that differ from authorial intent. Just as Scalia perceives the Constitution. We all bring subjective agency to bear on the text. Only a fool pretends that this variable process doesn’t exist.
So welcome, Brian. And blow an aardvark, Scalia, you fraud.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013Stayin' Aleve
Curvy Heather and Some Shmoe in a Suit reenact one of the most iconic moments in cinema history.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013One Word Tuesday
Monchichibag.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013Gay Tom Selleck Enters a 14 Year Old's Heterosexual Fantasy Landscape
Teen Dream Sophia does not exist.
She is simply a phantasm. A totem. A siginifer of Gay Tom Selleck’s subconscious struggle to resolve his twin desires for heterosexual normativity and funky black cargo shorts.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013Breaking: Drunk Frenchbags Steal and Molest a Llama
The latest from France:
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A pack of blitzed French school chums snatched Serge the llama from a circus and led the surprisingly agreeable beast on a late-night journey aboard the city of Bordeaux’s tram system.
The llama-nappers posted pictures of themselves with Serge on Twitter, leading to their arrests on misdemeanor theft charges. They’ll likely get a wrist-slapping fine.
“I had two or three glasses too much. Let’s say I was happy,” one of the animal liberators, Mathieu, 20, told the Sud-Ouest newspaper.
The lifelong pals broke into the Franco-Italian Circus looking to grab a zebra, but that animal wasn’t cooperative.
Serge, however, was more than game for some wild-and-woolly, late-night action.
“We were afraid that [Serge] would be rough, but he was very gentle,” Mathieu said. “We petted him and he followed us onto the street.”
The blotto buddies baptized Serge with booze and renamed him “Kuzco,” after the Inca ruler in Disney’s cartoon “The Emperor’s New Groove.”
“[Serge] was happy and proud [to be temporarily free],” Mathieu said.
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You almost earned some nottabags, Frenchbags, but then you had to go all “Emperor’s New Groove.” The only proper name for a sex llama is Falkor.
Monday, November 4, 2013Scarfy Pete Finds the Holy Cleavite of Titicaca
When I was nine years old, “Titicaca” was the funniest word I’d ever heard.
It still is.
Monday, November 4, 2013Toungled Up in Blue
Early one morning the douche was scroting
I was clubbin’ in bed,
Wond’ring if she’d changed it all
If her butt bobble was still red
Her folks they said our bottle service together
Sure was gonna be Grey Goose,
They never did like Mama’s homemade drugs
Papa’s shlongwater wasn’t big enough
And the DJ was standing on the side of the road
Spittle falling on my Vans
Heading out for the velvet rope
Lord knows I’ve fondled some butts getting through
Toungled up in blue.
That’s right, beyoch. Bob Dylan references. Cuz I’m totally in sync with the zeitgeist, yo! Like a postmodern Bieber.
Monday, November 4, 2013Dr. Magnifico Tags The Unholy Shroud of Ballsack
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Hi DB1
A most frightful sight at Balmoral Beach, Sydney, Australia.
– Dr M
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Yes. Yes it is.
Meatwadius backtatts for the steroidal shrimp on the proverbial cultural barbie.
Take that, Faulkner.
Sunday, November 3, 2013The New York Subway Signs Experiment
WAtching videos of NYC giggle hotts with too much time on their hands makes me miss New York all the more.
Gave up my East Village apartment over a year ago now.
Many of my early HCwDB posts were written from the land of egg cremes and subway pee stank.
NYC holds my heart and my youth together like an entwined ball of string. Forever in the past.
But every day there’s at least one moment where I want to leave this sun-baked city of silliness and return.
Saturday, November 2, 2013Your Saturday Mandouchian Candidate
Uberhott asian chick. Creepy Asian androgyne.
Together, they make pie.
Anglo Pete is having none of it.
Why run this on a Saturday?
Well, back in the day we used to feature comments of the week all up in this shiznit.
But that entailed me going through all the comments and finding the best ones. Which took, like, effort. And Adonai knows what a lazy mofo my sorry ass is.
And besides, now I gotta change diapers and give HC1 her due attentions, and so that work just ain’t getting done.
Instead, here’s a pic that is so confusing in its conflation of gender, ethnicity, and douchey/hottie cohabit that a lesser writer might describe it as all sorts of wong.
One ticket please.
