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Monday, December 16, 2013
Lawrence Winterbourne the IV Inherited His Fortune
Lawrence Winterbourne the IV is very, very rich.
He likes to remind you of this fact by spending exhorbitant fortunes on shoes and dinner parties.
At those dinner parties, Lawrence Winterbourne the IV speaks loudly about the crisis of gumption and can-do work ethnic among today’s immigrants and working classes.
Over port wine and beluga caviar, Lawrence Winterbourne the IV will expound at length about the crucial importance for today’s poorer classes to take any job available. To save every dollar. To prove their merit as only a meritocracy can. Through a strong work ethic.
Only then will they achieve success.
Like Lawrence Winterbourne the IVth did.
Well, his father did.
Well, his father’s father. Sort of.
But it’s the same thing.
Work hard and you will be rewarded!
Sit around and ask for a handout, and you’re a lazy-ass who deserves everything you get.
For Lawrence Winterbourne the IV really has your best interests at heart. He just wants to teach you a lesson about the realities of life. Especially among those of you struggling to pay your rent and feed your kids.
For Lawrence Winterbourne the IV is what I like to call the Aristocroscrote.
But for every tax shelter that Lawrence Winterbourne the IV sets up in the Carribbean, there’s an uberhott Debutante Debbie willing to vest his stocks.
And that, my friends, is one of the great tragedies of our time.
Sunday, December 15, 2013Cute Bulldog and Smart Monkey
The greatest show in the history of everything has arrived.
Saturday, December 14, 2013Your Saturday Crusty Sheets
Sure you might think the Greasepitzer and Eve are far too cartoonish to actually be real human beings.
But it’s not like they own a bunch of tiny, annoying dogs or anything.
Friday, December 13, 2013Friday the 13th Thoughts and Links
The kids are not all right.
In fact they look like lobotomized feral magic cherubs culled from a Piers Anthony novel.
Nothing is more haunting than the vacuity behind those dead fish eyes.
Even Sweet All Business Amber, who reminds me of a young Andie McDowell seems somnamblified by life.
Thus, although understated in terms of a douchremonts/hott cohabit, this pic is the perfect HCwDB for Friday the 13th.
It’s like staring into the vortex of a failed future.
Here’s yer links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Crap on Amazon after clicking on this link link of the week: The only proper way to enjoy Christmas.
30 Hottest Jewesses under 40. Not the most well researched list (Isla Fisher? No Gal Gadot?) and the writing is shite, but mmm… Emmy Rossum…
25 Ways to tell your Girlfriend is from the Jerz.
My latest Shiksa Aryan suckle thigh obsession: Dutch model Doutzen Kroes. I can’t pronounce it. But I can prosoapybubblefondle it.
Meet Zaur, The Pervy Russian Tennis Coach.
No. Let’s not.
Sometimes, when life gets tough, you just gotta hump a couch.
This type of marsupial mates itself to death. Kind of like a marsupial Kardashian.
But there’s always Ms. Bum Bum 2013. So I got that going for me. Here’s important documentary footage from the contest.
Okay. There’s the perfect lead in for…
I’m not even sure if that’s human.
Friday, December 13, 2013Friday Haiku
See? Horizontal
Stripes do make things look fatter…
…and oh so Juicy…
**********
‘Murican Heroes:
General Pattin’ Dat Ass
And Private Lapdance
– saulgoode42
Francis Scott Key
Inspired to write by this
Star spangled bumper
– Charles Nelson Douchely
The star-spangled butt
inspires hoisting on poles
Francis Scott Key cheers!
– Charles Douchewin
Flag desecration
Has never given me a
renoB, until now
– DoucheyWallnuts
It puts ass in the
Basket or it gets the hose
The big booty hose.
– The Reverend Chad Kroeger
I’d say the pledge of
allegiance to that booty
every morning
– Magnum Douche P.I.
That’s some hot flag meat
Spectacular example
Old glory is proud
– The Dude
Stretched out far and wide
See stars and stripes forever
Ha! other countries
– Vin Douchal
I’d like to run her
up my flagpole; I’m already
saluting DAT ASS.
– Wheezer
Choad Glory Lib’rates
This Broad’s stripes and bright Spandex
Our Forefathers weep
– Bag Em Tag Em
Mesmerized by ass
We forget he suffers from
Throat gonorrhea
– DoucheyWallnuts
The douchebag’s red glare
And her ass bursting bad air
like poop through the night
—-
O’ say can’t you see
Through the dimly lit night, why
the ‘bag is still there?
– hermit
Thursday, December 12, 2013Flashback: The Jerz in 2006
Ah yes.
2006.
When hottie/douchey cohabit was in its purest state of cluelessness and HCwDB was just ramping up.
I recall the days of tracksuits and hair crust fondly. Like a pimple on my nethers.
Thursday, December 12, 2013Donkey Douche Finds Love
And when Mr. Douche slowly leaned over to whisper sweet nothings to Jerzey Sophie after enjoying their tasty prime rib… it went… a little something… like this.
Whoops. Strike that.
My mistake.
Lets try again.
It went… a little something… like this.
Thursday, December 12, 2013Swole Man River
Swole man river,
Dat swole man river
Dem greased up chest shave,
Dey shave that man cave,
Dey jes’ keeps roidin’
Dey keeps on roidin’ along.
Dey don’t fist poodles,
An’ dey don’t fist pumpkins,
An’ dem dat fists ’em
is soon givin’ blumpkins,
But swole man river,
Dey jes keeps roidin’ along….
Coffee time.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013Kevin Hu's Shoulder and Arm Rebel From His Repressive and Controlling Asian Parents
Must… hit… on… Yoshiko… must… hit on… Yoshiko… Spooookkkkk!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013Poutface Toasts the Golden Globes
Silk scarf tucked into sweater violates the Virgin Mary’s little drummer boy.
Spicey Valencia jiggles like futuristic pudding.
