Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Kissing the Behemoth of Choad

The Behemoth of Choad was at the top of the Alpha Omega Nu kegging hierarchy for most of 2011 and parts of 2012. Then graduation came, the Behemoth of Choad finished that degree in pre-med pre-law and was forced to get a job manage his father’s credit assets.

But the party never ends for the Behemoth of Choad. He just wears a suit and tie when he has to. Otherwise: it’s beer, bitches, and Balzac.

Because the Behemoth of Choad enjoys classic French literature.

So you can understand Cheryl’s inability to control her carnal desires.

Next thing you know, it’s time for dual yoga at the beach.

Do not judge Cheryl and the Behemoth of Choad too harshly. For if not them, then who will watch TMZ at the Buffalo’s Wild Wings bar while guffawing into a Bud Light Lime for the next ten years? Someone’s gotta do it. Might as well be them.

The Greasepitzer and Eve Find Love in a Country Music Song

Waves are crashin’ on the seashore…

At weddings, Bar Mitvahs, and numerous trade shows in the greater Chicago area…

— “My Lonely Heart Is a Hot Chick and a Douchebag” by Garth Pitz

Yuri Wears Big American T-Shirt!

Yuri Loves the American Women!

They are so friendly and offer such warm, firm, ripe thighs that can till and plow the fields for many a harvest!

Chandlerbag Puts on The Ritz with Party Girl Charzine

And by Ritz, I mean Cialis.

Also note the sheeny Mark of the ‘Bag on Chandlerbag’s forehead. Haven’t seen one so pronounced since the Mothers of Invention got teabagged by the Church of Later Day Saints.

Wait, what? DB1 makin’ so sense again.

Charzine is the one you sit back in the old age home to reflect on and realize you never admitted to fondling with an ostrich feather to your friends at the time. But lo these many years later, Charzine is the one you’re secretly proud of.

And by that I mean good at the sexy times in ways that the normals don’t comprehend.

Speaking of shameful coitus, special thanks/props to the legendary and increasingly cyborgian DarkSock for taking care of posting duties yesterday while your humb narrs was flying back to the city of palm from the city of shit driving.

But all was good with the grandparents who cooed over BC1 and a good time was had by all.

Now I’mma get drunk on rice wine and fire up the ole’ mock around here. After all, it is the holidays.

Caption This Pic

Okay; last post before I hand the keys I stole back to DB1 and slink off to my early morning date with The Ether.

Caption this photo of Donkey Douche and his good friend Ash.   Full name:  Ash Clench**.  

Note: For you purists, look closely behind Mr. Clench and you’ll see the left eyebrow and center belly button of a presumably hott chick. Hence proper form is observed and preserved.

Now…have at, Gentlemen.

**I swear Mr. Clench looks familiar…Could it be a pre-steriod basted Peter Pumpinhead?  Wheezer?  10 points to whomsoever can confirm or deny this shocking twist.

acrylic skrillex douche-step fandango

Okay; I’ll sneak one more in whilst DB1 stalks luggage claim.

Contest: Describe, in one sentence or less, what this Dub-Douche is doing at this particular moment in time, and/or what the Hell is going on here.

The winner gets…naught.

Aaaand:  GO.

Donkey Douche: Still Tryin' to Scratch that itch

DarkSock here, whilst The Boss is skeet-skeeting acrost us in the friendly skies above, noting that famed douche lightning rod Donkey D is trying to figure out how many fingers it will take to scratch this poison ivy rash he’s come across. Or hopes to, later.

Your comments, as always, are appreciated. Son.

The Cloud

The five day forecast calls for light winds out of the south west, chance of a rain shower and massive heart failure.

Your Saturday Donkey Douche

True ‘bag legends never go away.

They simply turn more crimson.

Friday Thoughts and Links

HCwDB Party Boi (non)legend The Chandlerbag grows pasty, bloated, old, and water logged.

Like a three day old beached porpoise.

Remember way back in 2007?

When HCwDB was new? And shiney? And the Chandlerbag was just another happy-go-douchey scrote scoring quality bumper? Yeah, me neither.

We’ve watched the oily greasy ridiculousness of the Chandlerbag grow over the years. We’ve even seen him partying with the one and only Donkey Douche.

And here he is.

Like Bartleby’s Scrivener, able to function no more in a party world that passes him by.

Donkey Douche will meditate on this sad fact in deep repose. Like Rodan’s The Thinker. DD’s reflection tells the tale.

Here’s yer links:

Your HCwDB Amazon Buy Some Shit and Support the Site Link of the Week: “Put on your heartlighhhhhhtttttt….”

Chest hair. In the shape of a cat.

Actual comments left on Pornhub + stock photos = the point of the internet.

True love.

The origin of today’s Friday Haiku pic is a sordid story of a poker playing multi-millionaire ubersuckwad named Dan Bilzerian. What a steaming load of a waste of human life.

Being a douchebag can get you killed.

Some YouTube comedy channel made the mildly amusing Douche snaps. I really should be getting residuals on these things.

Meanwhile, in Brooklyn: Herpster v. Herpster

Meanwhile, in Wisconsin: Weird beach sex.

Australian douchebags in the news.

Things that happen in a world where things happen: Husband convicted of manslaughter after Dutch Oven goes wrong.

Okay. On that note. Here’s ya go:

Land-o-lakes pear.

Boston is cold and beautiful as your humb narrs brings the BC1 on her East Coast tour.