Wednesday, December 4, 2013
The Greasepitzer and Eve read Shakespeare
“Life’s but a walking D.J, a poor playah, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by a douchebag and hot chick, full of sound and fury, signifying dubstep.”
These are not real people, but statues at Madame Doucheaude’s Wax Douche Nauseum Museum.
Shouldn’t Eve be a contender in the Best Golden Globes category?
Is there a Compton is North Dakota?
Nespressimo.
Shouldn’t Eve be a contender in Most Likely to Make Me Spontaneously bust a nut?
Shouldn’t Eve be a contender in Most Likely to be Motorboated?
Shouldn’t Eve be a contender in Most Likely to Have Me Jizz on My Keyboard?
Compton ? Bah ! This tool would soil his panties if he got within a mile of the hood. Is Greasepitzer in the Hall of Scrote ? I’m thinking he needs to be.
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And yeah Eve got some breeding hips on her, but this honey badger don’t give a shit. I’d hit that hard all night long.
I’d love to see Greasepitzer smacked around by this douche
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And fuck you all.
^That was retarded. Pumpito laughs at this freak.
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And fuck you all.
“Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.”
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Billy Shakes says, “And fucketh Thineself, one and all”
I’d like to fill Eve’s naval with my creamy secret sauce. Whether she was conscious or not
“To thine own self be douchey and jizzeth upon endowed Bleeths golden, receptive bossom”
What I’d like to do with Eve does involve chloroform… Chloroform to eliminate Greasebag from this unholy equation and make off with Eve.
I took a hot, liquidy shit the other day that looked like this clown.
He remind me of these things we found on Janus VI.
http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Horta?file=Horta.jpg
Wow, Donnie Brah!smond is aging well. Must be all that milk and Mormon upbringing. And milk.
Technically, Hanz, aka The Prince of Pompoos won the Golden Globes Douchies Category.
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But she was a contender, no doubt.
The Greasepitzer was actually the fourth wise man but was bumped for only bringing an Axe body spray gift pack. The parable is written on his right tit to remind people.
I’ve taken shits look cuter than this Greasetattzer guy.
Verily doth thy douche through yon window breakest thoust wind?
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.Let’s all talk in Shakespearean English for the rest of the year….okay guys?
Okay…..maybe not.
I’m considering to name my next pet Jizzeth. Poor thing.
She’s casting the Muslim Eye Of Coitus upon me.
Eve as seen in “One Word Tuesday” below with hair in a bun: 4
Eve as seen in this photo with hair down and hot dress: HoH contender.
Amazing how much damage “hair buns” can do.
“You can’t spend your life on the dance floor. Eventually you have to stop dancing and face reality,”
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Don Letts
http://www.goldminemag.com/article/filmmaker-don-letts-reflects-legacy-clash
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Sandanistas
How douche art thou? Let me count the ways.
To douche or to douche? There is no question.
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Eve and a Greasepitzer block out the sun.
What the fuck is this shit? NOW everyone’s on board for the Douchies and spouting some fuck-you-all-isms like neurotic parakeets jacked up on Ambien? Weird times, man.
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Alright, fine. That’s the way we’re playing it? Let’s go.
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I will commence to single handedly (the other hand is currently “busy”) give out the rest of the 2014 Douchie awards one day at a time…even though Hanz has technically won every category. But I’ve never been one for technical crap. Mocking is an art form, not a science.
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Wait, no…. Mocking is a science, not an art from. Er…or is it an art, not a science form?
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What the fuck ever.
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The Greasiest Greasepit: The Greasepitzer
I don’t know when they started using pig lard turned black from mold as tattoo ink to save a couple cents on materials and labor, but this nut-wad made the biggest mistake of his life going for the economy version of “hey, write about 2 to 50 paragraphs of some deep sounding shit on my chest. The ladies will dig some deep sounding words on my chest, brah!” Haven’t you ever watched the X-Files? That black oil will fuck you up like it did to Krycek. Except that you’re a way bigger tool and no one will give a crap when you sew your eyes shut. Nice Compton hat too. Please go there while wearing the stupid shit your wearing. At this point in my life I need to watch grown men crying for their mommy while they bleed to death from .45 wounds to the abdomen for any semblance of entertainment. The pigmy donkey-scat porn on wildzoosex.com just ain’t doing it for me anymore.
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Best Golden Globes: Eve
Not to say she has the best bristols we’ve seen all year, but they’re certainly the best I’m looking at right now…in this particular browser tab at the very moment. Okay, so they’re a little saggy, but who gives a rip? Those cream sacks have a nice hefty, squishy, vibrant form to them. Like two weasels fighting in a gunny sack, they spurn the imagination to wonderful fantasy lands full of gum drop teddy bears and AR-15s. I would jackhammer those jubblies ’til my pecker gets all knotted and deformed from Peyronie’s disease.
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That’s it for today. Stay tuned tomorrow (maybe) for more of Jacques Doucheteau’s 2014 Douchies.
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Oh, and fuck you all.
And yes…I said “2014 Douchies”. Because tomorrow will actually be the 2015 Douchies. Because I said so. So fuck off for the 1996 Douchies, happening a fortnight from the night before last.
This is about as “21 Douchestreet” as the Greasepitz gets…..
This should be fun.
Oh, and fuck you all.
I hate everything, and especially everything.
Oh, and fuck you all.
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Happy Holidays!!