Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Thoughts and Links

Two boobs.

And two boobs.

Thank you. I will be here all of the week. Be sure to tip your hostess. Try the veal. In Soviet Union, ears aren’t only on corn, they also on walls! Whatta country!

Not a lot o’ links on this quiet end-of-January Friday.

Your humb narr’s little one, BC1, is turning six months old. Sheeeeiiiittttt. Changing diapers and passing out by 8pm is the new going out to Hollywood parties and hitting on hot starlets hoping to break into the biz. So they tell me.

Meh.

Feh.

Feta.

Vera Farmiga.

Mmm… Farmiga.

Here’s yer links:

Your HCwDB Click on this Link and Buy some Shit on Amazon to Support the Site Link of the Week: “Well it’s Ninth and Hennepin
All the doughnuts have names that sound like prostitutes, And the moon’s teeth marks are on the sky, Like a tarp thrown all over this, And the broken umbrellas like dead birds, And the steam comes out of the grill, Like the whole goddamn town’s ready to blow…”

Bored this weekend? An interesting article from Salon on the middle-aging of the unfortunately labeled “Generation X.” Lots of cliches but some interesting points made. Oh Winona, where art thy hottness to save us now?

Why all those years of drinking cheap bum wine was good for your humble narrator.

Bruce Springsteen’s recollections of the late folk singer Pete Seeger resonate with the historical importance of music across time. Don’t ever forget that. No matter how many Biebers make meaningless noise, music can change the world.

For my Canadian readers: Pictures of Rob Ford getting tickled.

Nooooooo!!!!! Just when I think we’re winning.

Some website calls Made Man attempts some HCwDBian mock with middling success.

Librarian Hotts go digital.

Fashion dos and don’ts. No word on doe.

Okay, ’nuff of that.

Workoutpear

Stretch that one, Opus.

Friday Haiku

Hirsute Love Buddha
Lurks the dorm halls, threatens to
drop the hose towel.

Squirt the Pert, Joey!
Squirt that Pert, dude, Squirt that Pert
C’mon, squirt the Pert

— saulgoode42

Worse than the “Friend Zone”
Goofy Greg has zero game
Placed in “Palcatraz”

— Bag Em Tag Em

Call me Ishmael
Is the start of Moby Dick
Just call this guy dick

— DoucheyWallnuts

Jan Goodall’s latest
experiment on silver
douchebacks going strong.

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

Poor dorm girl Jenny
Posting flyers for lost cat
Obese Yeti purrs

— purpledrank

Lester Bothers His Sister's Best Friend Kimberly

Lester was not invited to his sister’s pre-med study pizza party.

But Lester done rolled up his sleeves.

And Lester gon’ leave his mark.

And by mark, I mean awkward falsetto queries of “what’s your major?” followed by a steadfast refusal to fix the blinds no matter how many times Kimberly points at them.

Tommy Chin Goes Crazzzzy on Casual Friday

Unfortunatey, Mocha Nicole is only mildly interested in hearing about how wacky the boys in the accounting firm like to get on Casual Friday.

Okay, Tommy Chin will tell you. So, like, they totally like bust out the rice wine at like 4pm. And then they totally play the rap music in the boss’s office after he left early to go to his Hamptons summer house! And not like any rap music. Like those really nasty rap songs. With x-rated words and all!

It’s crazy, Tommy is telling you!

But he can’t tell you any more. They would, like, totally get fired if anyone found out about what they did with the photocopier in the office supply room. I mean can you believe it?

(They photocopied their butts… shhhhhh!!)

Perky Kelly Stumbles into a Gaggle of Party Ruffians

When the Party Ruffians start reveling in the iconography of Party Bieber mixed with early 90s Right Said Fred, it is most definitely time to call a cab time.

Drunk Al Goes "Garrrrr!" on Quartasian Mina

“Garrrrr!”

When “I like your boobies!” is too difficult to pronounce.

Breaking: Taylor Swift Attacked at The Grammys

This is worse than when Q-Bert micturated on Madonna back in ’86!

The Effete Sailors of Beverly Hills

I have a little poem I’d like to read in honor of this occasion, if I may. Spaulding, get your foot off the boat!

It’s easy to grin
when your douche comes in
and you’ve served all your drinks on the deck.
But the ‘bag worthwhile
is the choad who can smile
when his neckkerchief is too tight in the neck.

Okay, pookie. Do the honors.

Narm

Narm.

The Real Orangemen of Orange County

Very, very orange.