Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Meaty Meat Santa Pud and The Paid-to-Pose Elven Hotts Wish You and Yours a Jolly Douchey Christmas!!

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, my true blave gave to me… Meaty Meat Santa Pud and the Paid-to-Pose Elven Hotts peeing in the egg noggggg…

Well hello there. Yes. DB1 here. Your humble narrator still wanders the barren landscape of pop culture vibrato.

Still occasionally tripping the riff linguistic with emotive gusto and a packet of HoHos for sustenance.

I may not post all that often these days. But I will do my best to post here and there, or at least every blue moon, in the new year. And then there’s always your noblest of crusaders, DarkSock, leading the regs and bringing the mock via time-travel to 2005.

Christmas may not be my holiday. But it’s most people’s holiday. So on behalf of HC1, BC1, and myself (DB1), here’s hoping you have a Merry Christmas, a Happy post-Hannukah, a Festivus grievance or a Spaghetti Monster’s noodley appendage. Just make sure you never run into this toxic de-coupling, and that the new year will finally see satan’s douche army of Criss Angels macking on tasty brunette cocktail hotts smoted once and for all.

Smited?

Smate?

There is no denying it. The scragglewanks still walk amonst us. Our work is not yet done.

I may no longer lead the daily charge. But I tip my cup of ‘Train to all that carry on this noblest of noblest Tikkun Olam. Fight onward. Mock harder. And repose with an enjoyable, tasty sandwich once in awhile. For that is what the great Warren Zevon recommended before he passed onward to that great kitchen in the sky.

Truer words were never spoken.

HCwDB Holiday Gift Guide for 2014!

DarkSock here, with a timely article for the Faithful Reader.

The final hours are drawing nigh for you procrastinating shoppers, but worry not – we’ve worked tirelessly to compile excellent last-minute gift ideas for your kids, whether they’re yours or abducted.

Shall we?

Number 1:  “Baby’s First Baby”:

Because your kid’s not getting cast for “15 and Pregnant” unless you start ’em early…

Number 2: “Breast Milk Baby”:

This reminds me of the Irish Potato Famine of 1845.  Because, y’know, lack-taters…

Number 3: “Pee-n-Poo Plushies”:

What do you get that 7 year old you just can’t seem to potty train? Why, it’s alimentary, my Dear Watson!

Number 4: “Real Human Teeth Dolls”:

Just because Gramma’s gone doesn’t mean parts of her can’t stay with your tikes…in their nightmares…

Number 5: “Road Kill Kitty Stocking Treats”:

Help Little Timmy relive the pain of ol’ drunk Uncle John-Earl backing over his beloved Fluffy as he made another beer run last Thanksgiving morning.

“But Darksock”, you wheedle, “what about our kids entering the magic of puberty?”  I gotcha covered.

Number 6: “You Can Shave The Baby”:

Cuz it ain’t gonna shave itself…

Number 7: “Testicle & Prostate Plushies”:

Or as Hannibal Lecter calls them, “The Sweet Meats”.

Number 8: “Frat Party Barbie Playset”:

Consider this popular expansion pack to Frat Party Barbie also:

and of course the surprise free bonus -“Venereals Plushies”:

Although sometimes we fail to remember that the most special gifts are not those solid tangible objects we can hold in our hands, but rather something more ethereal…such as a wi-fi connected laptop behind Junior’s constantly locked bedroom door.

Somewhere in Sheboygan, A Lone Fartfungusface Twaddles With Kelly

And as they twaddle, two lonely Bud Light Limes go undranked upon.