Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Shmecky Von Dillpickle Headlocks Clementine

I often reflect on the many permutations of douchemock and hottlust that have burrowed like so many rivulets through the sediment of pop culture timeshock. When HCwDB began the mock, it was a serious time. Then it was a playful time. And the mock was enjoyed by all.

Now it is a serious time again.

Humorless.

Angrier.

Gender wars and dating battles taken from playful banter to dark resentment.

I’m not sure what to make of the ratcheting up of tension and loss of humor in today’s confused, decadent and most certainly decoherent anti-humor post-humor thunderdome.

But alls I do know is that Shmecky Von Dillpickle is a shmegtaint. And everyone should take a breath, stop getting so pissed off, and allow ourselves to unite in the principle that all of us, each and every one, can agree that Shmecky’s headlock of Clementine is the pestilent hair taint upon a mongerel’s tick bitten posterior.

For if we cannot agree to that, I put it to you Greg, what can we agree upon?

Aquatool Advocates For Peace

Despite the cacophony of vacuity in which Aquatool exhausts his credit card salad days, therein lurks a deepward hope for a lasting global peace.

Sure those thoughts only reverberate for a few seconds.

Here and there.

When the drugs wear off.

And the boobosity is not too distracting.

But they do recur. Within those few moments of repose before the DJ drops another sampled pre-recorded boom-siss-boom-siss.

Aquatool credits himself for proving, at least for a moment, that he is more than just an overpriced douchey Yankees cap wearing numbers runner for the Long Island Gambinos. He does have a soul. For does a person without a soul not occasionally think about world peace? If you prick his Dolce and Gabana, does it not fray?

And then, like Keyser Sose, they are gone.

Vacuity returns.

And joyless compulsion carries onward until dawn.