Saturday, December 19, 2015
The 12 Days of Douchemas
Happy Ramadan!
EDIT: Sadly the video of “The Twelve Days of Douchemas” that posted (via LiveLeak) wasn’t playing right and the great Mr. Scrotato Head appears to have removed the clip from YouTube. Which means it is gone down the memory hole. Alas, alack, it must live on only in our collective memories as the greatest tribute video ever produced.
So instead here’s a pic of two Yuletoads macking on Jenny.
And a few more Christmas HCwDB for your pleasure/pain:
Good remembrances from an early, douchier time.
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Time. That mortal dimension by which we are cursed. Be blessed in these Christmas times. I got 9 days off for the first time since I left the x-rated Psycho Ward (respect). Coming to your country again Sons. I will take a poll in Vermont
about the Mooslim problem.
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Remember Sons, that time is the result of matter affected by gravity. Gravity warps my time. I live eternal, and shit.
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The Mooslems won’t get me. The extended summer allowed the construction of the pig pit at he road. A big loud dog will be added to the house in spring. Hope springs eternal, Sons.
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Gone skiing.
Interesting.
Jenny, a 6 in that pic, clearly knows that she can’t be TOO discriminating in her choice of men. However, one can readily tell from her expression that if there were a choice between hanging out with those two squids for another 5 minutes or living the rest of her life as a spinster in the Antarctic, she’d be shopping for a parka right now.
Addendum:
Of the five golden nims, that blonde in the top center could make me do ANYTHING.
I would take a blowtorch to my loins just to be within 5 miles of that chica.
I regret to report that Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche appears to have died during his surgery. The Doc is dead. Long live the Doc.
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Pharma prices plunge at the news. At least he doesn’t get to read this.
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http://www.breitbart.com/tech/2015/12/20/campus-crazies-at-oberlin-cry-cultural-appropriation-over-canteen-menu/
Smarmadouches abound, let’s take a photo with an air of privilege. Then , let’s get a DUI on the drive home, get fondled by a toothless vagrant while passed out in a holding cell and have to beg daddy to bail us out so we don’t spend the week waiting for our arraignment in the Twin Towers jail in L.A.
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The Twin Towers ain’t so bad, they even have YELP reviews…
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Thank you Matty B. of Topanga Canyon:
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First of all they showed Bad Boys 2 and did not seem to care that I had never seen the original. How the heck was I supposed to follow the plot. Second of all, you should have seen the attitude on the young flat headed deputy when I asked if I could have a private cell (I’m not really a people person.)
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And the food OMG Hello the first seven meals had peanut butter packs, two slices of bread and APRICOT JELLY (wth? apricot) also one cookie and a fruit drink. I m not kidding that was the first seven meals. The dorm was very crowded and there were gang members there. I’m serious, gang members!!! I tell you they have no sense of humor at all.
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They left the lights on too late and the showers were disgusting too. Then you go to court shackled to three other guys. Get this, when you get to court at lunchtime…Peanut Butter again. My poops were awful.
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I have not been back since. All in all though, its still better run than Jersey Mike’s Subs.
Poor Vince Vaughn crashing Christmas parties. I call Naturals on Jenny.
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@Monsignor Chad,
May the snow god Ullr bless you with an abundance of dry deep pow, May the Vermont cheddar be sharp and if you would if you have an opportunity please doink a snow bunny for me.
Blondie looks like a cross of Bree Olson and that Hasselbeck broad. Thanks Et Tu? Not much snow up here yet.
That’s the real War on Christmas. The Douche War.
With hair gel, punchworthy smirks, and girls with an irritating cuteness. Cold smiles through gritted teeth.
Jeet Kune D,
Though you normally have an eye for such things, you must have misplaced your spectacles my good friend.
The lighting is a bit harsh, and yes that dress was a mistake, but Jesu Christe, Jenny is a wonderful specimen of blond, boobs, and big fun smiles YEE HAW.
She’d do things the like of which us pansies cannot comprehend, and her staccato action isn’t called The Finisher for nothing. You see, Jenny has the girl-next-door-if-you-lived-next-door-to-a-happy-go-lucky-round-and-slappy-goddess look. A good look, you must agree.
Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?
P.S.
I Google Image Search’ed to see if I could find the original of Jenny’s pic, and then would have cyber-stalked her til she admitted my muscles are DEFINITELY big and interesting, but what did Google suggest was a similar image – can you imagine?!
Caption this, freaks:
https://losangeleseventphotography.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/dsc_5691.jpg?w=2000&h=1500&crop=1
RIP Doc.
Just to piss off all the douches at Fox News…
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!
Welp, I’ma do the next Fraiku after I get back from Olde Sac on New Years Day, so in the MEAN-time, please take your mock forth to hither:
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/05/82473/
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and RIP, Doc. You had a DAMN good run. I only wish that you could have gone out in a blaze of fury. On my boat.
Dear Santa,
This is my first letter to you in decades. I trust you are in good health.
I don’t want for anything.
Please give all white North Americans bigger balls, or the equivalent, and the gift of critical thinking in their spongy liberal heads.
Regards,
Chadrick
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P.S. Please cut the brake lines of our liberal leaders and God bless America.
Dear Santa,
This is my first letter to you in decades. I trust you are in good health.
I don’t want for anything.
Please give all white North Americans bigger balls, or the equivalent, and the gift of critical thinking in their spongy liberal heads.
Regards,
Dale
Speaking of politics:
Not that I’m some sorta looney right winger or anything, but who else has asked santa to bring him an F350 with a twin barrel ma deuce mounted in the truck bed?
Lots of you – right?
😉
Happy Holidays, Mockers.
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I pop in from time to time to view the choad. I really just don’t think I have anything new to add. Hot chick, lame dude, society laments it’s destruction. But I think there’s been a change since the halcyon days of this site. Douches are no longer envied or emulated to catch The Hott (most certainly emotionally damaged in some way or another); instead, everyone just laughs at them. Like everyone. Like Fox News everyone.
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As we go into 2016, just know that the good fight was fought, and (mostly) won. Never let go Baghunters and DB1… If you really want to move onto new era douche, then it’ll have to be a much more subtle target. An 80 former bukkake extremist could see the usual Vegas/Scottsdale/Fratpud. Gotta see the real douches. Gouging ass pharmaceutical reps, shady bankers. All the stupid political bullshit that bores me. That’s where you’ll find the 2016 scrotewank.
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Be easy homies. Off to the bourbon!
Isn’t Dharmabag the same as ‘3 Prong’ from years back?
3paramount