Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

DJ Hand Palzee Rocks Au Pair Krista

Don’t judge.

Sometimes Sammy Markowitz needs a break from his middle management job at Glen Cove Key Foods.

So he takes that volunteer DJ job at the Westchester YMCA on Tuesdays from 8-10. He calls himself ‘DJ Hand PAlzee.’ Because his hands. They have the palsy. And because, hey, free hot wings.

Besides. Sammy never knows. Maybe he’ll get lucky and meet one of those wayward European au pairs being exploited by upper middle class Port Washington two income families under the guise of ‘education internships.’

And so, on this Tuesday, Sammy gets lucky. He meets Krista.

It’s her one day off after another 80 hour week providing childcare for ‘Brynn,’ ‘Kaelynn,’ and ‘Dylan-Hunterr.’ She’s entitled to a drink.

Sammy’s just finished spinning a song by the Weeknd. It turns out the Weeknd can’t feel his face. It’s about cocaine. So it’s edgy.

The song ends and Sammy pays for Krista’s Bud Light Lime.

“Danke!” she says.

He says “What’sup, Bae? You lookin’ fine!”

She doesn’t speak much English and so ignores his awkward, quasi-racist appropriation of hip hop culture. But Krista smiles politely anyway. Like Homer Simpson when he met the Smashing Pumpkins.

And all is copacetic in the echo chambers of suburban youth confusion.