Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Assmodious Von Shmegmoid Drinks Victoria’s Soul

Completing my half-assed, mailed in, one-post-a-month “Shmegma” trilogy here at Hot Chicks with Douchebags, please enjoy this creepy emo tattmodel scrotechoad using alien superpowers to drain the purity of Victoria’s dropped-out-of-Bennington-just-moved-to-the-city-like-OMG soul.

Scientific name:  Twatmondious assmodious

This puke-onymous genetic hybrid splicing is equal parts generic model dude from Sex and the City, the overly constructed pseudo-outrageousness of overpaid hack screenwriter and post-Nerdist nepotist-beneficiary douchewank Max Landis, and the neo-pointilist postmodern abstract art of Jon Thompson. This idiocratic lizard stain fart punches llama poop with the joie de vivre of Airplane’s Robert Hays passively raping Mork & Mindy’s Pam Dawber in a TV movie from 1980.

Too many embedded links in a run-on sentence on a badly dated blog that hasn’t been relevant in five years?

Okay then, how about Douche Baby?.

Or Douche Fanny Pack?

Look, man, I know I haven’t updated in awhile but I got fi’ kids to feed! Ah yes, classic action movies. When men were men. And racist stereotypes served as delightful comic relief.