Boom Siss Boom Siss
boom siss boom siss boom siss boom siss…
eeehhh eeehhh ehhhh — bah bah bah — eeehhh eeehhh eeehhh — bah bah bah —
boom siss boom siss boom siss boom siss…
eeehhh eeehhh ehhhh — bah bah bah — eeehhh eeehhh eeehhh — bah bah bah —
The ephemeral pulsing life beat of our collective past, once horrific in its repetitive drone and emblematic of the lost specter of meaning, now receding in a haze of otherness. As our memory shifts and grows more distant. From factual present to recent past. And then again. Into the distance.
Abstraction. And then, once again, another shift to only the vaguest sliver, the barest of thread left to tie us to what was once the real and present now rendered blurry, foreign. We say goodbye to that which we once abhorred but now we recall with nostalgia tinged affection and bemusement. What once horrified. Once a toxic smell of withered sweatsock recontextualized as the simple signifier of a more innocent and ultimately harmless memory. What once was and can never be again. Dayenu.
I never dated a hott – plenty of attractive girls mind you – but never a high-maintenance, spring break, appletini-drinking, duck-lipped, daddy issues woo hott. I did have this one crazy girlfriend for a spell that was pretty close. She was from Missouri and moved out west to escape her past, albeit bringing all her bad habits with her. She fell for my gold, puppy-dog eyes, and I with her ’90s blonde hair and nice rack (not big, but firm and perky).
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I wasn’t really looking to get into a relationship at the time, my horny teenage-self already had another girlfriend and a couple booty calls, but she was obviously smitten with me so I figured I’d see where this escapade would take me. First date ended early with a make-out sesh and plenty of dry-humping.
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I recall her stopping short and saying she wasn’t the type of girl to fuck on the first date, but the big wet spot in the crotch of her jeans indicated I was good to go for the second date. I’ve never experienced a girl get that wet that quickly before or since.
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After that things starting going according to plan, us dropping any pretense of getting to know one another and getting down to crunching guts at every available opportunity. I was still living at home, she at her aunt’s, so there was lots of sneaking each other in and out until she got her own place lined up rooming with a smoking hot Chicana. I was really hoping for a threesome to develop at some point but alas, it never came to fruition.
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About a month in she started getting weird. She was already kind of strange before, but it was an endearing kind of oddness that made it fun to hang out. Nah, she was getting clingy and scary weird. Instead of just smoking weed she started popping pills, talking about what a kid of ours might look like, getting paranoid about the Mexican neighbors, and insisting I look into her eyes during sex.
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Then came the pregnancy (she claimed to be on birth control and I just stupidly went along with it and no condom), the resulting abortion, the suicide attempts, accusations of cheating on her with her roommate (I wish) and then assaulting said roommate and getting kicked out and shacking up in a van with some guy she swore she wasn’t fucking even though he was trying his best to get with her. Sure honey, I know how easy it is to get in your pants. And through it all we never stopped fucking. All over her apartment and even in her roommate’s bed, front and back seats of my car, friends’ houses, a parking garage elevator, the bathroom floor one day after her abortion (it looked like a murder scene afterwards), and all whether or not we were together, split up, or seeing other people. It was basically just six months of non-stop multiple orgasms and escalating crazy behavior.
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After about the fifth time of breaking up and getting back together I finally called it off for good. My friends were starting to worry about me, and I finally met a girl who I really liked and didn’t want to screw this one up. My crazy girlfriend didn’t take the news well, slapped me a couple times and screamed something about what our life together would have been like. Soon after I heard she got knocked up again, had another abortion, and was living with a different guy in a van after getting fired from Taco Bell.
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It’s been 20 years and I haven’t heard whatever became of her. I don’t think I want to know.
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So yeah, she was crazy. But damn that pussy was addictive.
old fart with hawt sloot
pretending to still be young
dependz starts leaking
look at the old guy
will viagra keep it up?
arthritis in dick
she wants her drinks free
got daddy issues, don’t ya, hon?
gramps checks his dentures
dis website iz dedd
nobody cares now about
hot chicks with douchebagz
passing stinky gas
pffft, look! A special bonus
a crunchy peanut
IM BACK
T’was a twat who liked to point
Could instantly stink up a joint
His chicks, eyes could please
But she carried disease
That could make your penis disjoint
A bloated pumped up meathead
With eyes that evoke the dead
On that vodka and Coke
We wish he would choke
And we’d be less another inbred
A dope who smells kinda fart-y
Still wear the douchey Ed Hardy
The bad fashion choice
Gives this goon his voice
“Uh, duh, you guys wanna party?”
Fuck Fish Slap.
this website is ghey
stinky with the butthole AIDS
ghey as rock hudson
this site is so old
stinks like stale sweat & grannies
a dirty ashtray
old douche with hawt
snickers bar in his rectum
to help pinch a loaf
Trump, God Emperor
takes a giant liquid poomp
on db1’s site
LOL, this site is so awesome keep up the good work
Why would you make this website?
1stinging