Arlo's Clammy Hamhock
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Monday, September 30, 2013
Pontius Pimplate Washes His Hands of Pear
You’re fooling no one, Pontius. Get thee to a P-Town Clambake and leave the oggling to those of us who don’t know the first names of Right Said Fred.
Thursday, March 21, 2013It's Like a Field of Ferrets Upchucking into the Ocean as One
Mixed with some quality suckle leg.
But even quality suckle leg is not enough to fight off the encroaching nihilism.
The vortex of the abyss that awaits us all is dark. And smells like Tara Reid’s foot fungus.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013Abs Exploding Like Lohan Coke-Nose
Or perhaps a Ron Jeremy coronary is a better analogy.
Tuesday, October 23, 201220,000 LEAGUES OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE
Clem, Tucker and Arlo have reason to smile.
While sporting only the most minimal of douche signifiers and some truly tragic hair, they have still managed to gain the company of Nisha, the coveted, flawless Princess Jasmin perfect quasi-Indian princess hot, with eyes like tiger opals and hair like a waterfall spun from midnight.
Even with points off for bedazzling her fingernails, she’s still a 10. Note how she delicately raises her pinky on her flaccid brew of Crystal Light and whatever Grocery Outlet boxed wine Clem found in Nana’s pantry, while subtly and simultaneously lifting Arlo’s clammy hamhock off her supple shoulders. Smooth. Nisha knows that even bridge trolls have feelings, but she is no one’s goat.
And she’ll maintain her composure until she sees the sign on the door behind her. Then, 4:1 odds she loses her shit.
