Ask DB1
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Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Ask DB1: “Psychological Malefunction”
Christina writes in with a rant that says it all:
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idk what the hell i’m supposed to write here but this dude is a psychological malefunction. i met him a few days before moving back to the east-coast but he convinced me he was worth staying for (stupid choice #1) 25 yr. old in vegas. jobless. lives with mom. in hopes to be a d.j.. favorite t.v. show = rupauls drag-race. runs his mouth on all his friends & is the oldest in his crowd, probably cause it makes him feel “cool”. the temper of a 17 yr. old valley girl on the rag. cries all the time. lies about things normal people wouldn’t lie about. like his ex-girlfriend dying in a car accident, but in full detail…. and crying about it. (i found out she was very much alive & hit the breaking point). he spends more than 2 hr.s getting ready. transforms from a benecio del toro to a napoleon dynamite in a matter of seconds, when zoned out. he is completely obsessed with himself, when i got my camera back i had to delete like 20 freakin photos of him doing “hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil” faces…
if any girl meets him, run. the lights are on, but nobody’s home with this doucher. SAVE YOURSELF, unless you want this over-dramatic waste of space, PIECE O’ SHIT, in your life.
— Christina
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“Psychological malefunction” may be the unintended malapropism of the year. Or, to make a meta-mala, I propose the neologism: “malepropism.”
But I digress. Christina’s email offers a deep and profound insight into the mind of both the H.C. and the D.B. that come together. We, as ‘bag scholars, must perform exegesis upon this text. Unpack it’s complex and contradictory signifiers to discover the larger cultural and historical strains at work.
However, the pic featured here is not Christina’s ex, since I didn’t get a pic of this doucher with a hot chick to run. Here’s the actual pic Christina submitted.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010Ask DB1: "Psychological Malefunction"
Christina writes in with a rant that says it all:
—–
idk what the hell i’m supposed to write here but this dude is a psychological malefunction. i met him a few days before moving back to the east-coast but he convinced me he was worth staying for (stupid choice #1) 25 yr. old in vegas. jobless. lives with mom. in hopes to be a d.j.. favorite t.v. show = rupauls drag-race. runs his mouth on all his friends & is the oldest in his crowd, probably cause it makes him feel “cool”. the temper of a 17 yr. old valley girl on the rag. cries all the time. lies about things normal people wouldn’t lie about. like his ex-girlfriend dying in a car accident, but in full detail…. and crying about it. (i found out she was very much alive & hit the breaking point). he spends more than 2 hr.s getting ready. transforms from a benecio del toro to a napoleon dynamite in a matter of seconds, when zoned out. he is completely obsessed with himself, when i got my camera back i had to delete like 20 freakin photos of him doing “hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil” faces…
if any girl meets him, run. the lights are on, but nobody’s home with this doucher. SAVE YOURSELF, unless you want this over-dramatic waste of space, PIECE O’ SHIT, in your life.
— Christina
—–
“Psychological malefunction” may be the unintended malapropism of the year. Or, to make a meta-mala, I propose the neologism: “malepropism.”
But I digress. Christina’s email offers a deep and profound insight into the mind of both the H.C. and the D.B. that come together. We, as ‘bag scholars, must perform exegesis upon this text. Unpack it’s complex and contradictory signifiers to discover the larger cultural and historical strains at work.
However, the pic featured here is not Christina’s ex, since I didn’t get a pic of this doucher with a hot chick to run. Here’s the actual pic Christina submitted.
Thursday, May 27, 2010Ask DB1: Russell Brand
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DB1,
First off, could you please do a full-tilt analysis of the Grieco known as Russell Brand? I was wandering Borders when I was infected by the ooze of his book, My Booky Wook, which should really be titled “I get pussy and you dont nyah nyah.”
Ugh, if anybody is a poster boy for douchebag posing, he’s it.
– Mr. Biggs
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Russell Brand is a key celebubag to our present historical moment, and you are correct to mark him as mock worthy, Mr. B.
Brand’s stratagem of douche is the incorporation of self deprecation as the tool of reframing his ego and narcissism. He is “Mystery” + humor, and thus, an important development in our war.
Brand wants to have his douche cake and gel it too. As such, we must mock with an increasingly sarcastic linguistic response. Playing off his own “persona” in comedies does not excuse the inherent doucheyness therein. It only couches it in irony as an attempt to get away with it.
Katy Perry, a stage 4 Bleeth is, on the other hand, about as alluring as a crotch blender set on “puree.” So perhaps it all evens out in the end.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010Ask DB1: Muscles=Autoscrote?
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DB1,
Is being ‘jacked’ or ‘ripped’ a rebuttable douche presumption? Does the presence of copious amounts of muscles shift the burden of proof onto the ‘hunted’ to present evidence that they are not a douche?
I say yes.
In my opinion, the ‘bag in many of the fine pictures on your site escalates several levels with this feature.
But are there other levels involved? For instance, is the presumption merely due to the awareness of the physique, meaning that the presumption does not fall upon the subject unless there is flexing, or a extremely tight shirt, or lack of shirt completely?
Might I draw your attention to an example. Take for example the seminal, but genuinely sad case of HCwDB v. Pumpy, 17 D.B. 02 (2007). There, there was an unmistakable presumption of ‘bag thrust upon the subject. But as you have aptly explained, the subject asserted, in my opinion, the most effective anti-douche affirmative defense, being able to take a joke with good humor and humility.
But is this a case by case basis, or do we have a rule of law here?
Respectfully,
B.A.G. du Bois
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Ubermuscle is not autobag, but it does shift the burden of proof of a nottabag onto the pumped up schlort so displaying his physiognomic wares. I would mark Pumpitude as a highly suggestive, but not proven, douchal signifier. An early warning sign that “Here There May Be Scrote.”
