Barbaggery
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Friday, October 22, 2010
Jeff Reed Parties with John Largeman
Yeah yeah, I know you’re just killin’ time until I serve up some Pear.
But Friday Thoughts and Links aren’t for another coupla hours. And I’m just about outta quality HCwDB pics for the week. So we’ll make due with some classic sportsbaggery, Pittsburgh Steelers kicker and allaround toolscrote, Jeff Reed.
Your pear is a-comin’. Don’t you worry.
Thursday, October 14, 2010Doughy McWade
Yechhhh, that Gator pic below is starting to scald my eyeballs, so lets dial things back down to some real world Barclownery and multichick hottness.
Doughy McWade is your standard blowpud. Not much to add.
But I see you, Jenny Brunette on the left. Your eyes sparkle with innocence and a touch of fear. And for that, I spank your bottom with a Kenner Boba Fett action figure.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010Alyssa’s Boobies Power Priuses
I don’t know how annoying a douche Teddy douchechamp really is. A stage-2 bar choader at best, in the Fred Durst oeuvre.
But Alyssa’s pale, delectable cleavite is a rare and inviting delicacy of wanton lust and powerpuff slappy tap.
A small tribe in Guinea once built a shrine to honor the bounciness of Alyssa’s curves, but the Tribal Elder, K!chu, demanded it be torched and never spoken of again.
Monday, October 11, 2010Jigsaw Steve Voted
Still reeling from not making the HCwDB of the Week simply on the power of hottie nuzzle and douchey arm tatt, Jigsaw Steve is still being a good sport, dropping by and voting.
And by voting, I mean making Sophie’s dad cry into his gin martini for the inescapable realization of his many failures in his role as a father.
Friday, October 8, 2010The Kettlehead Goes “The Full Khan”
HCwDB non-legend, 2009’s non-winning zombified singular eyebrowed Kettlehead is still demanding he receive the societal mock he feels he deserves.
Even if it means going The Full Khan with his chest-shave and grease.
Even if it means bringing an innocent and extremely tasty Persian hott to the equation.
And a little person named Tony. Who just wanted a cocktail.
Monday, October 4, 2010Jenny and the Bros
All Jenny wanted was to hang with her BFFs and, like, totally complain about how Kevin was, like, totally lame at the party when he threw up on those foreign exchange students.
But then the Bros showed up. I mean, like, sure, they bought them drinks and all, but did they have to butt in when Jenny began Facebook picture-taking (ratio currently holding at twenty-six attempts per uploadable)? I mean, the night, like, totally sucked from there on out.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010Soxnard
Meh, I’m deleting Fester on account of too much potential gaybaggery and moving us on to Soxnard.
Soxnard’s lumpiness hitting on the quality purity of Shots Girl Sue reminds me.
Did I remember to grease the alpacas in time for their ritual scrotum shearing?
It’s a vague association. More thematic than literal. Because scrotum shearing alpacas is not gay. It’s theraputic.
Thursday, September 16, 2010Pinwheel Paulie
The classic fauxhauk, rapidly disappearing along with the rest of 2007’s worst douchetributes, has been replaced in 2010 by the Pinfaux.
Pinwheel Paulie demonstrates the new tri-tip hair in all its lameness. And deserves the mock.
Kelly’s giggles are melifluous, and so to honor her for such genetic gifts I would buy her a Mai Tai and awkwardly stroke her pocketbook while she was distracted by her BFF’s texts from her ex.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010Ursula Chooses Poorly
And now she smells like gouda.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010Vest Guy Eats a Bagel Bit
There’s a back story here involving ethnic cleansing, infectuous nematodes and spice trading in the House Atreides, but alls I really what to know is what up with the mullet?
Catharine’s Golden Globes are both golden, and globe.
