Beachbaggery
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Monday, August 22, 2011
When Kelly and Ashley Hit the Weehawken Shore
Gigglefests ensued when the Tommy Bros invited them to “totally party until the wee” at the Snappy Snack Shack Clambake ™.
And another Camus novel was born.
Monday, July 25, 2011Kettlehead is Not Impressed by the HCwDB of the Week
HCwDB’s 2009 non-legend The Kettlehead, whose singular eyebrow and propensity to wear strange headgear to impress the ladies, and occasional ability to go The Full Khan, is still out there.
Still arching his singular douchebrow.
Okay, I’m not even 100% convinced this is Kettlehead. But singular arch eyebrow and zebra-striped flattop for the collective mock.
And is that Mister Liptatt’s Hall of Hott winning Holly? I don’t think so, but I’ll need to stare lustily for an hour in an awkward and potentially pathological way anyway.
Speaking of Kettlehead eyebrow, an eagle-eyed reader noted that, amidst the chaos in the tragic Norway bombing over the weekend, at least one douchebag made sure to call his bros to let them know he was okay.
As Primo Levi once wrote, “Even in tragedy, we can find douchebags to mock.”
Friday, May 27, 2011PETER PUMPIN’HEAD AND MARY MAMMAGEDDON SAY: HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!
Peter Pumpin’Head and the little Missus want to wish you all a happy Memorial Day weekend, since Baron Von Goolo failed to make mention of it in his FT&L (The Baron is a transplant from the Old Country, after all, and is still catching up to our quaint New World customs).**
It is fitting that these two take us into the Memorial Day festivities, because just as the rituals and celebrations of the holiday remind us of why we as a nation must fight, these two self-tan-slathered raging ids remind us of why we ‘baghunters fight.
Look at them.
LOOK AT THEM.
I mean look at him and her, you perverts.
Self-worshiping peacockery pushed to a hyperbolic extreme, both in taste, hue and physics.
The cost for freedom isn’t free; it’s a buck o’ five.
But throughout the ages, attention sponges such as these have gladly suffered mutilation in order to achieve the rest of society’s assumed collective envy and admiration, and that cost is even more than a buck o’ five. It is higher; much higher. Much much higher. But not as high as the cost of bottle service at the Rehab poolside cabanas.
**EDIT – OK, Baron did mention Memorial Day. I just wanted an excuse to run this picture before my time’s up. Damn you and your crafty ways, Medusa… -D.S.
Saturday, May 21, 2011Say Hello To My Little Fran
Yeah, yeah; I know. The Boss ran this pic already for a Saturday “Comment o’ the Week”. Well, I shall not presume to put myself in a position to select the best of last week from my peers (and by “peers” I mean those with whom I pee), so I figured this would be a good chance to circle back and hose some mock upon the photo that accompanied DB1’s award, since the choad in the pic was largely ignored as we heaped accolades upon the best of that week’s mock.
Nope; this guy, whom I tag as Tony UnTanna, ain’t gettin’ off with his pale hide intact. Not that easily.
Because I pine for Fran.
All Tony UnTanna has in this world (besides SPF 90) is his balls and his word. And he don’t shave them for no one. But she still does not want to see his “Little Friend”.
And, with apologies to Levon Helms, I would gladly take a Choad off Franny, and put a load right on her.
Thursday, May 5, 2011The Axhole
Still out there.
Still gravitating towards the largest boobuses on the playground.
Still making smirky face.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011Bowser the Beachsnake
It’s like those old Frankie Avalon/Annette Funacello beach blanket movies from the 1950s.
Only with less twist dancing and more Valtrex.
Annette Hippie Hott sucks on her lollipop with what Freud calls an oral fixation due to trauma during the oral stage.
In a strange coincidence, Oral Stage was also the name of the first Mormon to set foot in the Adirondacks.
Friday, March 18, 2005Friday Haiku. Yo.
Girls love their BeefCakes.
They will soon find out these lunks
Are really CrabCakes.
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Behold a stunning bounty of Mock; excellent work, Son(s)…
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Magnum Douche P.I. said…
The combined I.Q.’s
of these bags and bleeths is less
than their V.D. strains
.
The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
It doesn’t eat grain
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole
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The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
It puts the ‘roid creme
In the basket or it gets
The hose. The Vain hose.
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The Reverend Chad Kroeger said…
I’d flog the two trim
Ladies with my Vanity Hose
In Olestra Hole.
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***REV IS ON FIII-YAHH***
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hermit said…
Sign on front door says,
“No shoes, no shirt, no entry”
Dudes cum in back door
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DoucheyWallnuts said…
There is an inverse
Relationship between lean
Torsos and IQ
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Wheezer said…
Remember Prep H?
They’ll vanish if they use more;
give them a truckload.
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hermit said…
The retard on left
Has a penis implanted
Above his right hip *<–Alert Reader Special Mention*
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DoucheyWallnuts said…
In a shirtless world
These 5 would be royalty
But it’s not, they ain’t
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Vin Douchal said…
Supplements? We don’t
Need no stinkin’ supplements
Get protein elsewhere
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Jacques Doucheteau said…
Photo op with hots
show these guys are straight before
the docking party
.
**EDIT – Do NOT Google “Docking Party”. Or anything else referenced by J.D. – Admin**
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Jacques Doucheteau said…
Girls get to watch up
close as dudes lay cable
on each other’s chest.
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**See above – Admin**
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Charles Douchewin said…
Eurasian bleeth-hulk:
“You won’t like me when angry!”
I still ask for date.
