Brothabag
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Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Brothabag Phill Lives the (Artificially Enhanced) Dream
As Freud taught us, no (artificially enhanced) dream is complete without phallic lighthouse in the background.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013Tyler Perry's "Chicago Jones and the Search for Gold Bling"
That’s it. I’mma skip this flick and go straight to the new Seth Rogen vehicle, “Average Shmoe Experiences Funny Life Lessons and Has a Cathartic Epiphany at the End.” I hear Jonah Hill makes a cameo!
EDIT: Bonus points to anyone in the comments thread who can accurately explain exactly what Chicago Jones’s afro is doing.
Thursday, October 3, 2013The Urban Cowboy Remake
Man, is there any movie that Tyler Perry can’t screw up?
Monday, July 29, 2013Reader Mail: Mr. Champ
Richard writes in with the following tag:
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This is a friend of a friend of a friend who dresses, acts and takes complete douchebag pictures. He is the elusive Afro American douchebag. Yet he doesn’t see it. Here are 2 pics with all his douchebag-isms.
First pic, here he is wearing a head band that says “Mr. Champ” (that is what he calls himself) with a wife beater, True religion jeans and a blinged out “LA” belt buckle. He did not even know these hot white chicks, he just takes pictures to post them on his Facebook.
In the second pic he is wearing a hat that says “Mr. Champ” a Che Guevera shirt (although he doesn’t know anything about the Cuban revolution) a bandana around his neck and promoting a fake hot sauce brand. The hot Asian girl did not even know who he was. What a douchebag!
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New rule: If, when you hit the clubs, you tell the ladies that your first name is “Mr.,” your ballsack smells like fondue.
Thursday, July 25, 2013Brothabag Perephone Scores Isis of Nile
Oh, right. This is the one where Perephone the Ancient challenges a hoard of angry Sumerians to a feats of strength, then tricks them using rope and tinderbox, only to win Isis of Nile’s heart after saving a goat from a tree branch.
Don’t worry. You wouldn’t know it. It’s one of the more obscure ancient Egyptian fairy tales.
You know. Like “Ramses and the Disappearing Case of Bud Light.” Or “Hotep Hits on the Mead Wenches.”
Sort of like the SyFy version of the myths of ancient civilizations. They were popular among the underclass, but never really made it to primetime.
Yup. No idea again.
I’m a little slow today, I just switched to Sanka, so have a heart
Thursday, July 11, 2013Will.He.Isnt Macks on the Persian Hotts
I see you offering me Mayan Eye of Coitus, Persian Meadow Soprano.
I raise your coital eye play, and counter with Malaysian Hairy Chest Scratch and Burmp of Guy Who Just Ate a Bowl of Cheerios.
Thursday, June 27, 2013Brothabag Alonzo Discovers The Holy Cantalopes
There’s only one way to celebrate the discovery of The Holy Cantalopes.
By donning a white walker headdress and cooing “Yeu no knothing Jon Snow” into the mirror until long after you cancelled HBO because the other shows all suck until Curb comes back.
Thursday, May 16, 2013Aoki Kurosawa The Aging Japanese Music Video and Fashion Shoot Director Makes $40,000 a Day, Thinks He's a 25 Year Old Black Man Named Wyzza
So it goes in the high-gloss high-stakes world of fashion shoots, overpaid models, and ad agency fixation on east-Asian aesthetics because Barney in accounts is obsessed with Takashi Miike films.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013Brothabag Ed Didn't Get The Memo
The partial “Ed Hardy” underneath your clothing reveal is not a meta-fiction statement on the likely doucheyness of the new Superman movie. It’s just a sign of cultural outlier.
Kathy Lee was born in America, so don’t ask her about Korean culture. Her parents totally suck and just keep yelling at her in Korean like some overplayed Margaret Cho bit from the mid 90s. So, like, Kathy’s not going to church anymore, mom and dad. Deal with it. Oh, and she’s dating a black guy who wears Ed Hardy. So put that in your kimchi and sautee it.
Monday, March 18, 2013Fro-Mo
If they ever cast a pseudo-punk rock ethnic Brady Bunch, Fro-Mo’s got total dibs on “Peter.”
Carly’s sultry Mayan Eye of Coitus reminds us why people frequent overpriced bars. It’s all about the fantasy. The night belongs to fantasy. Fantasy can be had. For $75-125, not including parking.
