Clubaggery
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Saturday, June 10, 2017
Mr. Champ Spreads the Herp
Well hello there, ye fellow ‘bag hunters, hott enthusiasts, and lovers of the mock!
It has been awhile, has it not?
I am honored, humbled, and filled with the tingliest of shmeg tickle to see that this ole’ web relic of the late aughts and early 10s still gets a little foot traffic in the age of internet Borg control and hive mind Chris Hardwick faux nerd blankness.
If, at any point, you found the hottie/douchey mock to entertain, enlighten, enrage, or another adjective that begins with “e,” I am grateful.
So let me say “Hello!”
HCwDB wrapped up in 2013 (or maybe early 2014?). I’ve been spending so much time practicing nerd chants in school cafeterias I haven’t been able to summon much strength to keep posts up these days. Certainly not as we enter the political douchepocalypse that has enveloped.
Kinda hard to find joy in the assinine foibles and bad taste of youth dating when the world is toking a shmeg pipe filled with rat poop and pumpkin seed.
But your humbs narrator is still kicking his ubiquitous red cup o’ Night Train, munching on tasty Hostess products whenever possible, raising two little HCs, and staring at the world cockeyed and bemused, or maybe more bleary eyed and vaguely nauseous. But still keepin’ on as best I can in a world of too many Aryan crypto-Nazi movie stars named Chris and not nearly enough Madchen Amick.
Perhaps obvious douchewanks with hot chicks in tow have vanished like Rollo Tomase chasing Keyser Soze.
But I’m still here.
And so is this ass tomato.
So I’ll be watching.
The mock is never dead. It just takes on new forms.
Monday, December 9, 2013acrylic skrillex douche-step fandango
Okay; I’ll sneak one more in whilst DB1 stalks luggage claim.
Contest: Describe, in one sentence or less, what this Dub-Douche is doing at this particular moment in time, and/or what the Hell is going on here.
The winner gets…naught.
Aaaand: GO.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013NadaFinga Makes another point
I’ve seen pointer douches before, Sir. You are no Peaches.
With great pointing comes great responsibility.
I’m not sure what he’s pointing at. Perhaps the 2-for-1 happy hour specials? Help me out here.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013DJ Smelma Fanga introduces America's favorite new party game
What is going on here, People?
Discuss this disturbing new trend, as e’er, in the Comments Thread.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013Igor Bag is droppin' chromosomes like they hot, and pickin' up Milfs like they not
…Whilst his envious cousin Slav Darkly fumes in the background.
This tawdry scene, replete with DuckFace™, makes me despair.
Which rhymes with “pear”.
Which begs the question – if you squeeze a grape-colored pear, will she let out a little wine?
Monday, July 22, 2013The Rare 'Bag Poselock
In lo these many years that I have mocked ‘bags with hot chicks, I have never run across this.
So I dub this moncrapestry the ‘Bag Poselocker and micturate on his ancestors.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013Douche Signs and Tongue, by Dr. Seuss
Do you like
douche signs and tongue,
I do not like them,
Sam-A-Fung.
I do not like
douche signs and tongues.
Would you like them
Here or there?
I would not like them
here or there.
I would not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
douche signs and tongue.
I do not like them,
Sam-A-Fung.
Got nuthin’. Need a coffee.
Monday, May 20, 2013THE DARK SOCK RISES
It’s your favorite substitute preacher, DarkSock, here for another week at the helm while DB1 takes a week off. He said something about “High Colonic”, which I presume is a sacred Jewish holiday or something.
Speaking of deep cleansing…the theme of this week’s foray into madness will be Back To The Basics; purity of purpose. And that purpose is to mock the douchebag peacocks that fondle and soil the sacred giggle-woo-hottie. I think the accompanying picture here reminds us of why this site endures, much like a herpes rash. Take a gooood long look at this Trust-Fund-Lush-turned-Wall-Street-Pension-Gambler smirking at you from behind the silicone hills of Gold Digger Valley. Then write something angry in the comments section.
The brave new world of serious scholarly posts begins next, Dear Reader. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013Guy With Oversized Pink Hat Guy Scores Kelly and Ashley
Kelly and Ashley will drain your pocketbook on a first date faster than you can order the specialty rice wine at Sushi Roku.
And you’ll thank them and pray for a spanking.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013DoucheLoaf and the Rhetorical Question
DoucheLoaf, pictured here with Flattered Fenny, asks the unfortunate photographer the timeless question “Yo, Brah…What you lookin’ at?” before breaking his camera and the face behind it.
What was he lookin’ at? I leave it to the regulars to answer that question in the comments section.
Meanwhile, on a different curve, here’s tangential pear as an eloquent palette cleanse.
