Clubaggery
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Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Band Promoter Douchebag Petey Is Not Really With The Band
Unfortunately for Barely Legal Bonnie, that epiphany will come tomorrow morning, when Petey’s necklace turns back into a cow’s ear.
Yikes. Count up DBP’s adouchrements and give credit for sheer variety of choadosity. Like the double ring on the third and fourth fingers. A massive real world ‘bag tag here.
And for the ladies to note, let Barely Legal Bonnie prove that size of mamm has no bearing on hottness of suckle thigh. She is KFC leg chomp butter biscuit gnaw.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011Todd and Lenny in “Of Mice and ‘Bags”
We live in a crazy world, my friends. A crazy world.
But no matter how silly it gets out there, you can always come here.
To HCwDB.
To marvel at Douchey Todd, he of the dress/shirt and awfultatts, and his lunkhead half-wit, Lenny.
All they want to do is “live off the hotts o’ the clubland.”
Yeah, it’s a pretty half-assed literary reference for early on a Tuesday. But what are ya gonna do. Your humble narrator’s in a grouchy-ass mood. Hollywood is filled with the stupid.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011The Apple Store Holiday Office Party in Macon, Georgia, Was Crashed by Peter
Peter was invited by the branch manager, Barry, who used to, like, totally do shots with Pete-boy in college.
Estella and Sue left a few moments after this picture was taken.
They’re considering filing a complaint with H.R.
Thursday, August 11, 2011The King of Sears (aka Starry Blight) and Hello Kitty Hott Dance on a Bed at a Club
Growing and greased up HCwDB legend in the making (but not yet Hall of Scrote inductee) The Starry Blight, and his standard bottle blonde inflat-a-bleeth Hello Kitty Hott are starting to demonstrate a distinct longevity in hottie/douchey toxic display.
Let’s see.
2. No apparent means of employment or financing
3. Douchal signifiers in enough concentration to tranquilize Will Ferrell at a birthday party
4. Really, really, and I mean really bad tatts
Hmm. Our 2010 Douchie Winner for Douchiest Tatt is putting in an epic run. Vegas oddsmakers are upping the possibility of a Hall of Scrote nom if they keep this prodigious output up over the next few seasons.
Thursday, July 21, 2011Gorgeous Nicole Let Her Defenses Down for a Second, and D.J. Suckacrack Was There
In an instant.
For vile and rancid cheek lickage was what D.J. Suckacrack did. Since the Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs circuit had stopped hiring his mediocre skillset.
And somewhere above the hills of Gallelei, the Twin Gods of Thunder (Quet’zota and Joe) gnashed their teeth and sent a monsoon to wipe out a village in southern Africa as retribution for the sins of the human race.
Monday, July 11, 2011Headwound Harry Approves of the HCwDB of the Week
Oh lithe Monica Triplets, how you paddle each other with ping pong paddles in the green room of your overpriced pseudo-Gothic Orange County strip mall nightclub while you wait on call to pretend to like Head Wound Harry for 10 bucks an hour before the Armenian club owner, Mr. Hackloogian, makes untoward advances in a leering and unprofessional manner at 2am.
I see each of your suckle thighs in the basest of carnal senses, and raise you an awkward arm fondle.
Thursday, July 7, 2011Envyus is Made Out of Plastic, Is Glad to Meet You
Plasticdouches posing as humans? Pretty sure Envyus was actually a villain from the old Doctor Who.
Both Katie and Vanessa are candy corn sunshine slappy slap drinks of sex salve carnal carnation butt bouquets, and so I salute their genetic ancestors with the ritual burning of fruitfly incense and awkward tree humping.
Thursday, June 16, 2011Brad Has Hand Palsy
I don’t mean to make fun of people with hand palsy.
Only that, for our societal sake, and to preserve what good crotchal feelings I have towards Nice Girl Mona right now, I’m going to assume Waspy Brad from the Hamptons has an incurable form of hand palsy.
It’s the only explanation for this oily, privileged drama major shoescrape’s seriously uberdouchal hand configuration.
The only explanation. Until I’ve had some tasty Kona coffee. Then I’ll reconsider.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011The Roastbeefer
On rye.
With extra cheese.
Monday, June 13, 2011Mr. Lickeywipe Approves
Mr. Lickeywipe approves of his fellow formally named Mr. Hawk winning the HCwDB of the Week.
Party Girl Hannah, she of the swollen, almost alien, mamms, once made out with Heather in a bathroom at Katsuya. So she approves as well.
This pic is just making me feel dirty. Lets move on.
