Clubaggery

    Monday, February 28, 2011

    The Smarm Candy

    Who did Patty call when she was desperate for someone take her to the clubs on Saturday?

    1-800-Smarm-Candy.

    (Little did Patty know that phone numbers are only 7 digits, so she really only had to dial 1-800-Smarm-Ca.)

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, February 15, 2011

    Billy Dee Villhelm Wants to Hug Champagne Katie

    Billy Dee Villhelm would love to give Champagne Katie a hug.

    Unfortunately his sweater shrunk in the dryer. And his arms are now as immobile as little Randy Parker.

    And yes, Champagne Katie is as hott as she appears.

    You may be wondering if it’s a one-off. A single pic that makes her look hotter than she really is.

    So for corroborative evidence: Champagne Katie #2.

    Holy sweet jebus I just swallowed my tongue, drank some cherry flavored Fresca, and punched a manatee. In his manateeth. Stupid manatee.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, February 8, 2011

    Guy Who Looks Over Sunglasses Guy

    Guy Who Looks Over Sunglasses Guy has a strategy he likes to employ when tackling the Vegas Gnaw Hotts, especially The Sweet Smile Kimmy Sisters, for photos.

    It’s consistent.

    It’s well practiced.

    And it is a stage-3 violation. The collar pop of the sunglasses world, as it were.

    Take ’em off, Kevin, and get back to work. The fries need more salt.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, February 1, 2011

    Stephanie and Suzanne Meet The GreasePitz

    And learned, first hand, what bronzer, groin shave reveal and part time employment at Jiffy Lube smells like.

    Hint: It does not smell like victory.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, January 27, 2011

    Ronnie the Rivethead

    Because sometimes, to impress the Woo Hotties, ya just gotta nail some metal spikes into your head and put on a diaper.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, January 24, 2011

    He Is Not The Greatest

    Rare do we get the chance tag a clubtaint purely on the douchetributes, and without so much as a glimpse of douche face.

    Franju is that clubtaint.

    This faceless ball itch could even win a Weekly with such a pileup of scrotal cloth.

    Jersey Jenny has plenty of ‘tude, but against my better judgment I would still offer to lick her kneecaps like an unfed giraffe at a war-torn Bosnian zoo.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, January 24, 2011

    Darth Gayder

    He’s definitely not your father, Luke.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Saturday, January 22, 2011

    Your Saturday Disembodied Floating Yankee Douchecap

    Sometimes the Douchal Signifiers begin to move completely on their own.

    Witnessing such a moment is often referred to in South America as witnessing the “Doucheacabra.”

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, January 20, 2011

    The Starhawk Lives in Party Snow

    While we’re taking a look back at some of the douchal legends of 2010, here’s July’s HCwDB non-winner The Starhawk.

    Still party douchey shoe scrape toe fung outhouse flush.

    Still wearing long silky scarves and fondling boozy paid-to-pose Lauren, who while not remotely the hott that maggie was, still looks like she’s ready to party like a pre Hayes Code Clara Bow.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, January 18, 2011

    Captain Shnook Sails The Hottie Seas

    We first met 19th Century literary douche legend, Captain Shnook, a few weeks ago, right around the New Year.

    Lest we forget, Captain Shnook’s chin fungy creepiness still sails onward until dawn by light of the early frosted dew.

    Still orange.

    Still chasing hot chick tourists from Sheboygan.

    # posted by douchebag1
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