Comment of the Week
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Saturday, May 26, 2012
Comment of the Week: The Reverend Chad Kroeger
In helping to anoint our newest member of the sacred Hall of Hott, Sonya, with prose of celebratory purity boobie hottie suckle thigh, The Rev. wins the coveted Comment of the Week:
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With only 299 of my nearest acquaintances, I would fight Xerxes of the H.M.H. (Heathen Moslim Horde) and 500K of his goat blasters for the chance to be dragged 100 miles dehydrated in the Sahara sun to bleed on the glass her one female ancestor left as they fled from Old Jerusalem with no weapons but hair blowers and extension cords. For the chance only that I may hear a recording of her voice on Victrola with my Grandmother’s ghost whispering ” Please don’t listen.” As I listen on the phone to her sighs of ignorance as I take my dying breath sucking on a nipple.
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And no, there ain’t no vote. When a future ex-Mrs.-DB1 makes her pre-librarian divorce hott purity appearance, the Hall is enshrined with ostrich tickle.
Saturday, May 19, 2012Comment of the Week: Douche Springsteen
The great D.S. breaks down the Arm Tissue crisis of middle aged modernity and wins the coveted Comment of the Week:
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This is what happens after you do the “straight and narrow” thing and then realize that the job, the wife, the sensible sedan, the 2.5 kids, the nice house do not fill in the god-shaped void within the self. You get divorced, you hear about the Burning Man festival and have a mid-life crisis and start doing things like this when you’re too old. I’m much more adjusted than this guy, in part probably because I dropped acid for the first time when I was 16 and then did all my drugs in high school and college got it out of my system when I was supposed to. That way I, won’t ever be the subject of a photograph like this after my girlfriend who is 15 years younger than myself feeds me MDMA for the first time when I’m 45.
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Saturday, May 12, 2012Comment of the Week: Morbo
A short but brief complaint about unusual boobery in the Earwigs thread wins Morbo the coveted Comment of the Week:
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Weird-shaped Boob Week continues at HCwDB. If we couldn’t see so much top boob, I’d swear she had a Nerf Turbo football shoved in her shirt.
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I’ll tell you what isn’t weird-boobery. Miley Cyrus Older Sister Hott here.
And I’ll tell you what has two thumbs and is a douchebag. That guy.
Saturday, May 5, 2012Comment of the Week: DarkSock
Darksock waxes pearstalgic about Princess Pearielle and wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:
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I have a weakness for spinners…oh yes I do.
I’d taunt a rabid mother polar bear with it’s still-warm cub’s carcass, wielding only a tasty hank of prime rib and a purple jelly dong, just for the privilege of smelling the breath of the stupid neighbor’s mutt that ate the scat of her toy poodle in the vain hope that one molecule of her exfoliated skin shed into the dog dish…simply because that molecule may have brushed against one of her precious ass molecules.
When asses look like that they should be studied, have white papers written about them, and then firmly spanked. By architects. From Biloxi. In black face, mouse ears, and wielding an erection that lasts more than four hours.
Medical FACT.
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Saturday, April 28, 2012Comment of the Week: Olddog1
Olddog1 starts off on a boobie rant, and ends up wistfully pondering Sarah Michelle Geller’s career, in the Moaz Has High Hair thread and wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:
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She looks like Paris Hilton, with boobs. Or at least slightly larger boobs. Maybe Paris’s younger, better looking sister. She does not look like Buffy. SMG was never that cute. BTW, I am and always will be a big Buffy fan, but face it, SMG was only picked because she was little and she had worked on soap operas. Fox thought she might have a following and they thought they were getting a teen soap. Boy were they wrong.
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Saturday, April 21, 2012Comment of the Week: Mr. Scrotato Head
Mr. Scrotato Head ponders the high crimes of cornrows in the A Crime is About to be Committed Thread and wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:
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That’s the same look he gives you when you tell him the Chili’s signature spinach dip is cold.
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God! Why does life keep kicking him in the nuts?! He’s good looking. He works out. He pours his paychecks into fine clothes and clubbing. Sure, he’s two months behind on his Nissan payments. Sure, he’s using one credit card to pay off the other. Sure, he only made it through half a semester at Santa Clara Community college, but seriously, introductory math is hard! Sure, it burns when he pees and the explosive diarrhea makes him dizzy. And sure, having to move back in with mom and the step douche is no fun, but his roommates could only give him so many passes on the rent.
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Maybe, just maybe, if he puts his hair in corn rows, things will change. YEAH! That’s it! ‘Cuz nothing stops the nut busting better than winning some hot strange while the collections calls pile up in voicemail.
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Saturday, April 14, 2012Comment of the Week: JeanClaudeVanDouche
From the Hitler Chin thread comes this classic paean to the suckle thigh from JeanClaudeVanDouche, who wins the coveted Comment of the Week:
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I would dance the Macarena in a barbwire thong to “Mr. Babalu” in a ballroom full of Los Zetas while whistling “Dixie” for the scant opportunity to catch a passing whiff emanating from the jeans once worn by pretty next door hotts former gardener Manuel, who held the door open for her on a particularly sunny day in California and she lightly accidentally brushed up against his thigh with her purse. Which incidentally smells of alligator and cherry blossoms.
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Saturday, March 31, 2012Comment of the Week: Jacques Doucheteau
J.D. riffs on bosoms and wins the coveted HCwDB of the Week:
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Those invitingly sagging malted milk sacks remind me of my 4-H days, squeezing the teats on overinflated udders of 30+ head of cattle twice a day. I got pretty good with my aim too, able to hose down most anything within 6 ft and a 180 degree radius with any one of them four teats.
At youth fair time I’d be squeezing away until a small crowd of urban gawkers would gather “see where milk comes from”, hyuk, hyuk. When their incessant chattering and stupid questions like “does that hurt the poor cow?” became to much to bear, with a quick movement of my pinky finger I’d flip a teat up to horizontal faster than the eye could see, and send a stream of warm unhomogenized up some sap’s nose. I’d apologize profusely and claim that “these heifers udders are all full o’ holes from when we castrate them. In fact, we got some oyster chopping going on here in a few minutes. Y’all wanna stick around and see where yer McDonald’s cheeseburgers come from?” At which point they would quickly disband, much to my relief.
Now you’re probably thinking, what other kinds of fun did you have with cows all alone in the country as a sexually charged youth? Well it’s not what you think. I most certainly did NOT bottle feed calves and then quickly swap out the rubber nipple with my d@#k and latter regret that decision when they started teething in early summer.
Not even once.
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Saturday, March 24, 2012Comment of the Week: Doucheywallnuts
The on-fire-in-2012 ‘bag hunter and Hall of Mock enshrinee Doucheywallnuts wins another CotW with this epic takedown of Oldbaggery in the Tony Cappaccino thread:
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This is a photo of Skinny D’Amato, he of the famous ass punch. He went into the witness protection program 15 years ago with the new name of Corky Callahan. He had been doing work for the Scarfo crime family out of Philly and was a major enforcer in Atlantic City when the Feds caught up to him.
He had been working as a co-producer and correographer of the nightly lounge shows at Trump’s Taj Majal. And by co-producer and correographer of the nightly lounge shows at Trump’s Taj Majal, I mean he was collecting the vig for the Scarfo boys and making sure the boardwalk concessions were making their kickback payments on time and in the proper amount.
The Feds caught up with him by accident. They were running some undercover bunko sting with some of the dealers and lounge waitresses, and Skinny had ass punched one of the dealers who owed the Scarfos money. They found one of Skinny’s cuff links in the guy’s anus, which led to a whole chain of unfortunate (for Skinny) chain of events that resulted in Skinny rolling on the Scarfos.
Skinny moved out to Scottsdale where he opened an exotic bird and fish store under his new identity, and stopped punching guys in the ass. Yep that’s I’m alright.
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Thassa spicy meatball. Good work DW.
Saturday, March 17, 2012Comment of the Week: Baron Von Goolo
The legendary undead and vampiric Baron Von G discusses Crazy Eyes Karen and wins the coveted HCwDB of the Week:
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, CEKaren’s window is narrowed and barred, allowing only a dim shaft of dusty light to illuminate the dank stone room where her shattered dreams huddle in a corner, weeping softly to an audience of centipedes and daddy issues. Or maybe she’s just had too much Red Bull.
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