Douchelips
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Monday, April 23, 2012
The Punch Brothers Score Over Their Paygrade
Lets start off this week with a little Punch Brother Twin Doucheface action.
Angelica and her sexy mom, Sexy Mom Suzie, have clearly stumbled into the wrong club after their car hit a water buffalo.
This whole scene’ll end with some technicolor dream sequence dubstep masshup of The Gardens of the Fitzi-Continis.
Yup. Too much sugar with my corn flakes this morning. Please excuse the nonsense.
Friday, March 9, 2012Sneery McGee Is the Root of All Evil
I can’t prove it. But it’s my working hypothesis.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012Guy Who Most Needs a Moldy Cinnebon To The Face Guy
Jenna and Rachel weren’t aware they were standing with Guy Who Most Needs a Moldy Cinnebon To the Face Guy.
Until I hit him in the face with a moldy Cinnebon.
At least that’s how it plays out in the 3D Imax of my mind.
That’s poetic.
That’s pathetic.
Jenna’s poochacetic.
Monday, January 16, 2012Lumpus Find Love
And for years afterwards, Katherine could not eat cantaloupe.
Thursday, January 12, 2012Ashley's Malignant Roadie Ass Tumor
Nothing is more tragic for Louisiana Waitress Ashley than suffering from a nasty case of Roadie Ass Tumor.
On an related note, “Malignant Roadie Ass Tumor” was the working title for Roland Barthes’s 1979 philosophical treatise on memory and image, “Camera Lucida.”
Tony the Curdle
As in sour milk curdle.
As in old ladies who wear a girdle.
As in not a tortoise, but a turtle. A turtle with crotch rash and a trust fund.
I have no idea why I’m rhyming this morning. I blame the hurdle of trying to name the hottie pitctured here. I was going to go with “fertile myrtle” but lets just call her Adriana. Butt Pooch Adriana.
For hers are the external kernels of…well, boobies.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat is having none of it.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011Marty Trainwreck
When the chin pubes match the douche beads, it’s time for Veruca to call herself a cab.
Thursday, September 29, 2011Asswipius The III Says “Challoooo laddiez…”
And The Giggle Ladies With Daddy Issues swarm.
Thursday, July 21, 2011Gorgeous Nicole Let Her Defenses Down for a Second, and D.J. Suckacrack Was There
In an instant.
For vile and rancid cheek lickage was what D.J. Suckacrack did. Since the Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs circuit had stopped hiring his mediocre skillset.
And somewhere above the hills of Gallelei, the Twin Gods of Thunder (Quet’zota and Joe) gnashed their teeth and sent a monsoon to wipe out a village in southern Africa as retribution for the sins of the human race.
Monday, June 6, 2011Jimmy’s Stupid Lips
Still out there.
Still as creepy as a bunch of hungry South Carolina catfish.
