Douchepose
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Thursday, May 31, 2012
Karl's White Shoes
There are many things wrong with Karl’s “Standard Douchebag Circa 2007” Look.
The matching white shoes and white belt are one of them. The smug sense of entitlement during a recession is another.
Karl’s blatant disregard for attending classes after enrolling in DeVry’s continuing education to become a refrigerator “technician” despite his Aunt Tutti’s will stating that she would pay for full tuition should he attend is yet another.
Kelly is what the French call “Le Buerre Visage.” Kelly was the hottest girl at the Iowa State Fair last night. Which says more about Iowa than it does about Kelly.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012Guppyhead Swims the English Chanelle
Way back in the halcyon days of HCwDB, we featured the Douchey Award winning The Blowfish. Tiny mouth. Creepy facial hair. Tasty hotts. Enormous douchefactor.
Here I decree the Guppyhead.
Count up the ‘bag factors: Creepy fishmouth. Faux. White sunglasses in shorts. ‘Roid addiction.
Then there’s English Chanelle. Curvy. Untatted. Slightly insecure about her looks. Maybe not A level hott, but more than making up for it by resisting the Guppy’s embrace. I’m going with it. She’s sorts of room service wrongness that’s oh so right. I slap a barnacle on a steamboat, and pinch a boobuous butt fondle in the snowflake sunshine of slappy slapp.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012HCwDB Self Portraits: A Consequence of Technology
As humanity reacts to the rapidly developing technological age, there are many wondrous facets of development that incur.
New forms of interactivity.
Exciting modes of communication and representation that produce new iterations of identity grounded not in the physical, but in the imagined and spectral.
New networks of information no longer bound by region or language. Mirrors of tangential connection in the virtual spectrum. A buzzing and alive network of collective thought refracting shards of ideas and fragments in channels of a-chronological and disassembled pathways.
New avenues of thinking open up. A revolution of idea and concept.
And, of course, douchey self-portraits in mirrors. A sub-strata of the need to validate the real through the virtual in Debord’s society of the spectacle.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012Antler Horns For the Win
It’s like nature and happenstance giving the bunny ears to a douchebag as per the collective unconscious.
Thursday, April 26, 2012Clown Hardy Can't Wait to Post About His Amazing Night on Reddit
The lost Kardashian Sister, Shaniqua Kardashian, offers rarest of sexy belly button pokey lotus flower, while Sandra Dee giggles melifluously and keeps her legs properly posed to prevent Holy Turquoise Triangle reveal.
And if I ain’t making sense, blame Twinkie #9.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012"Ayyyyy" Guy Pays More Attention to the Camera Than the Garbunza Boings
And by Garbunza Boings, I mean soft poochy pooch dreamland bouncy luftwaffles that caress the night sky with the faintest of perfume and jiggle jello promise of a better tomorrow and a more hopeful future of butt pinch slapper slapp cute puppy humpty hump. Boobs.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012Mister Pfister is Stoic In Front of Kelly and Ashley
And it’s one more night in rural Arkansas…
One more night of hat tilt, stupid face, paid-to-pose bored hotts, and the circulation of small sums of money in the vain pursuit of distraction.
One more night in which mediocre lives replace unrealistic life dreams with hi-def televisions and self medicating variations of alcohol.
Wow. Way too downer to start off a Tuesday. I need me some Champagne Candy.
Friday, April 13, 2012Friday Haiku
Douchie McDingle
Tongue-tickles Todd’s right lobe plug
Through Kat’s empty skull
Brain sucking douchebags
Horror film or comedy?
Kat says it tickles
— ehcuodouche
Hey gramma, here’s a
pic of my new girlfriend and
her boyfriend. Love, Todd
— Nancy Dreuche
Wait a minute…..huh?
I’m trying to read her shirt;
does it say “FAGAOTH”?
— Wheezer
Vacuous cavern
McDingle yodels Swizz Beatz
Black suit hears ocean
— Vin Douchal
Happy Beaster…
Here come’s Peter Pumpin’ tail…
Hoppin’ down the Bunny Trail…
Thursday, April 5, 2012hermit's submission for HCwDB's imminent 2023 Guggenheim Exhibit
Hallowed Site Sage “hermit” offers this sepia-toned trip down memory lane:
“I happened upon this stunning piece, and submit it for consideration.
I call it; “Friendly Gathering on a Humid Afternoon”
When one views this profound work, those halcyon memories from days-gone-by flood the mind, rendering nostalgic images of Church Socials and Family Picnics, set in a far simpler time, when life moved at a slower pace and the world seemed less complicated.
Oh, to be transformed back to those days when an open bottle of whiskey, a distended paunch and a cheering throng of well-wishers was an invitation for a fly-fumbling speed-freak with skinny thighs to perform unnatural, public sex acts under overcast skies, in the waning light of a humid, Summer evening!
An unpretentious time, before HIV and leash laws, when homely unwed mothers pushed their bastard children in wobbly baby-strollers down peaceful dirt roads, and friendly Irish Setters walked unfettered among the revelers.
——–
EDIT: Hark!! Uponst my walkabout I heard a disturbance in the HCwDB Force. I come hither out of my alcholic HoHo sugar-rush induced stupor to discover: Hippie Peen. And so I summon the unholy force of 4-Prong to cover said peen. And the universe is whole again… and walkabout continues… as you are in the fine hands of the one and only ‘Sock…
