Dumbass

    Tuesday, March 29, 2011

    The Tuxedobag

    About time we ran another one of the prime categories of choad running free on our streets like so many Brazilian street urchins.

    No sub-category needed for The Tuxedobag.

    He is Tuxedo. And he is ‘Bag.

    Gillian is that cute girl you met in human resources on your first day of your first job after college, and thought to yourself, “I can’t believe I’m working a real job! And I totally have a chance with her!” Six months later you were fired. And no you didn’t.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, March 17, 2011

    Some Days You Just Gotta Pin a Dress to your Tighty Whities

    And try to talk the Ubergnaw Southern Sue into taking a ride on what Tad calls his “Own Private General Lee.”

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, February 23, 2011

    Truth in Spiritual Advertising

    Because when the tongue licking and alcoholism stop, there’s only the haunting wind of existential crisis and ultimate meaningless echoes of cries that will not be returned in this cold and harsh wilderness we call life.

    In other words, do it, Tommy. Go for it.

    How bad could it be?

    Man, I’m grumpy this morning. Must be my Keurig coffee robot thing. Stupid Keurig. Keeps turning on and off on its own. No, I do not want a glass of tasty Kona at 2am. Okay, yes I do.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, February 21, 2011

    Droopy McPointer Points

    Droopy McPointer likes to be near the hot chicks of Orange County.

    And, when he gets near them, Droopy likes to point at them.

    Droopy’s father and grandfather approve of Droopy’s pointing ways.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, February 18, 2011

    Friday Haiku


    Feldman and The King,
    With Harem of Giggle Hotts,
    Dream a Little Dream.

    3 girls in this pic
    Not even close to born yet
    When Goonies came out

    — jonezy

    Misuse of water:
    instead of drinking it, please
    pour it on boobies.

    — Wheezer

    Wednesday I lost job
    Today I see this picture
    Tomorrow shooting spree

    — MC 900 Foot Douchebag

    With “The Lost Girls”
    on the set of “Meatballs 5″
    Feldman still a douche

    — dknutty

    Old Johnny Cougar,
    Clings to his washed-up career,
    Yo, “Get a Leg Up”

    — Rockabilly Johnny and the Electric Foreskin Benders

    Yul Boner stars in
    Timeless musical classic
    The King and Pink Eye

    — Mr. Scrotato Head

    Descartes Said, “I Am.”
    Dochieous says “I Am Poo.”
    Feldman Snorts Another Line

    — DoucheyWallnuts

    Bachelor party?
    Guests won’t throw rice at wedding
    but Valtrex instead.

    — Eliza Douchecoo

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, February 16, 2011

    Tony Punchmyfacekowitz

    Another sibling from the Punchmyfacekowitz clan, Tony and his best bro, Anthony, have perfected the performative art of name visualization.

    Leopard Jenny is another lady to offer me the Mayan “Eye of Coitus” and for that, I graciously pooch her belly with half chewed jelly beans and an acidic port wine chaser.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, February 15, 2011

    The Ferret Nibbles

    This pic of odious clubclown The Ferret may or may not be The Starhawk, as the inbred overbite and chin pubes suggest.

    Alls I know are innovative chin pubosity is rare in the days after Brothabag Leon or Triple Fung, yet The Ferret manages to pull off innovation amidst asswipery.

    Aryan Donna long ago crossed the line from potential sexyness to disciplining me with a barbed-wire billy club for cutting in line for extra soup during visiting hours.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, February 9, 2011

    Betsy and Bobby and What Angie Doesn’t Know

    Betsy knows she should know better than to date another guy like Bobby.

    And her bestie, Angie (not pictured), also knows that Betsy should know better than to date another guy like Bobby.

    But Angie doesn’t know that Betsy knows that Angie knows that she should know better than to date another guy like Bobby.

    So when Betsy dates a guy like Bobby it’s actually because Angie doesn’t know that Betsy knows that Angie knows that Betsy should know better than to date a guy like Bobby.

    And that’s how Betsy got Angie back for borrowing her lip gloss and not returning it at Thirty One Flavors last night.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, February 7, 2011

    Four Prong Voted

    HCwDB’s own ambiguously gendered douche-hair legend, Four Prong, wanted to drop by with some bemused bros and the scrumptuous potential librarian naughty pooch pooters, The Rachel Sisters, and vote in the HCwDB of the Month.

    Have you voted yet?

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, February 3, 2011

    Charles Dickens Has Tea and Biscuits With the Queen

    Emma Thompson does not approve of his not so Big Ben.

    For his Sex Pistols are London Bridging her Fish and Chips.

    Winston Churchill.

    # posted by douchebag1
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