Dumbass
-
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Ronnie the Swamihead
Vacuous. Shirtless. Semi-employed. Monosyllabic.
What are… things Ronnie the Rivethead remains no matter how many clubby costume changes he goes through.
Wuh huh huh huh huh.
Thank you, Ed.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011Yankee Doodle Doodie
Yankee Doodie went to town
A-douching like a phony,
Stuck a feather in Kendra’s Butt,
And called it “Mac the Homie.”
‘Bag Bats Maru Refuses to Let Go of the “Grillz Era”
Some douches give up the douchetributes when the disinfecting light of the collective mock is shined upon them (collar pop, hat tilt, etc.).
Others, like former Weekly winner ‘Bag Bats Maru, refuse to give in.
Grillz 4 Eva, ‘Bag Bats? And so we continue the mock.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011Somewhere, Out There, He Still Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks
I’m the laziest HTMLer out there, but eagle-eyed readers may have noticed that the Hall of Scrote has finally been updated to include last year’s HCwDB of the Year finalists, Mister Liptatt, The Sharkbag and the odious winner (loser), Stackhouse the Poet.
While I was doing cleanup, I found a bunch of He Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks posts from 2008 that never made it into the Hall, so that’s been updated as well.
As we celebrate the isolation and spaying of the odious Stackhouse the Poet, it’s well worth checking out our first poet laureate, our 2008 Douchie Winner for Most Trashcan to the Head Worthy, and a visionary dreamer who does not breathe what you breathe:
—–
I wasn’t born to work.
Other people were born to do what I want them to do.
A single hour of my life is worth more than a whole year of a person’s.
I don’t breathe what you breathe.
We are not the same.
I’m not going to work a 9 to 5 and then come back home and have bills to pay with tons of debt from a $400k house that will take me 20 years to pay off. I sure as hell ain’t living in an apartment either. People WILL build my 20 bedroom, 8 bathroom, 8 garage MANSION, and they WILL love doing it.
This way I shall have MY time to do the things that matter as I leverage others’ times to do things that I want them to do.
I’m going to be treated like a PHARAOH and people WILL love slaving themselves to my demands.
Activities: Anything I want to do…
Interests: I’m not here to make friends..I’m here to f@#k bitches and get money.
—–
Melvin Grows Chin Pubes
Melvin’s so proud of his carefully groomed tri-vag configuration, he’s provided us with the by now classic douche self portraiture tradition, the Cell Phone Bathroom Douche-Pose.
Charlene is so expensive a first date hott, your future kid’s college fund just went poof. With apologies to Ray Davies, all for a cuddle and a peck on the cheek. And maybe a crotch fondle if you’re lucky.
Thursday, January 13, 2011Yo Guy Says, “Yo!”
Sideways “gangsta” peace sign.
As stupid as it ever was.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011Retro HCwDB: With Bonus Kids Edition
Say what you will about the past, but one thing’s for certain. It’s remarkably dated.
EDIT: Reader SD points out that the pic is via the Awkward Family Photos blog.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011The “Ironic” Kissy Lips: A Reminder
No. No “irony” or humor leniency in the age of Jersey Shore. None.
You remain completely and fully douchey upon demonstrative kissy lips. No exceptions. None shall pass.
Laker Girl Sue may not have been caught at the best angle, but her teeth are healthy, and so I will salt her kneecaps with sea salt and cry softly in a basin.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010Chazz the Maelstrom Belly Button ‘Bag
I’d mock Chazz’s surfer game with the Soccer Moms a bit more, but I pwned Maelstrom back in the mid 90s.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010Soxnard
Meh, I’m deleting Fester on account of too much potential gaybaggery and moving us on to Soxnard.
Soxnard’s lumpiness hitting on the quality purity of Shots Girl Sue reminds me.
Did I remember to grease the alpacas in time for their ritual scrotum shearing?
It’s a vague association. More thematic than literal. Because scrotum shearing alpacas is not gay. It’s theraputic.
