Fratbag
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Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Yo, it's hard up in these Hamptons y'all
“Things been rough since Pops had to give back his fall bonus to CitiBank and sell the third vay-cay pad in Tahoe, homeslice. I’ma raise hell if the yacht gots to go…I’ma go move in wit Moms and her tennis instructor, Ricardo, down at the guest house.”
Bweeee
Thursday, June 21, 2012Ned Drinks from the Pitcher
Sleeve Tatts do not not a boring-ass fratboy unmake.
Years later, while working in corporate accounting, driving a minivan, and raising three ungrateful boys, Mindy would reflect back on senior year and sigh.
Monday, January 9, 2012Terry the Tongue Time Travels To 2012
It’s like a suburban frat tool from late 2008 stepped into the Tardis, fiddled with the controls, then ended up tongue licking a Companion while alternate reality Nero learned to play the viola rather than the fiddle.
Yup. I’m still making no sense today.
And before Ophelia is dismissed for lack of hotchickery, let me not be the first to say British chicks make up for in politeness what they lack in everything else.
Poor Brits. No wonder Downton Abbey gets the pheromones flooding.
Saturday, December 24, 2011Christmas Bros and Kelly Say “Merry Christmas!”
Nothing says Christmas like aviator sunglasses at night and a tasty Bud Light Lime.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good HoHo.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011Somewhere at a Midwestern State School, Kappa Zeta Tao Is Missing Its Village Idiots
Billy and Willy say “Yo!” to Drunk Kathy in stupid falsetto.
Kathy thanks them for her Appletini and goes back to her Besties in short order.
Thursday, November 3, 2011Bros Be Bangin’ Hard Yo (In Tony’s Living Room)
Bright Eyes Bonnie was poorly educated in the ways of Bro. Her taut bobble bobbs will soon be ignored while Tony, Franco and Zed go into the kitchen to do shots and talk about Michael Vick.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011Timmy Clown Scores Perfect Jenna
Somewhere, off in the violet hued dawn sky, across dry plains and cracked wilderness where sagebrush withers and sand dust sputters, a weary coyot’ sees this picture, sniffs sadly, howls forlornly, and drops a steamy turd on a cactus plant.
Monday, September 19, 2011Fratbros and Sorority Girls With Miller Lights Approve of the HCwDB of the Week
They’ve got a trig midterm tomorrow, and they’re being chased by Guido The Killer Pimp.
Time of your life, eh kids?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011Andy’s Glasses Mildly Amuse Katie
When the Polo logo has migrated from the chest area to down by the six pound watch, then you know we’re dealing with a new breed of Frat Douche entirely.
Katie is insecure because she’s big boned, but her zaftig strength only gives her the Semitic superpowers that would cause me to bitch slap a caftan chief with a dead marmot just for the chance to soup strain her talcum powder.
Katie is college hoth without knowing it hott (HWKIH). And for that, there is a peanut for Ganesh.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011Promtard and Kelly
Somewhere there’s a wacky mid 80s teen comedy back story involving nerds, jocks, cross dressing, a telescope, teen wolves, time travel, a Porsche, the Enchantment Under the Sea dance, a bribed janitor, the popular girl and, of course, the “big game” coming up.
Or it’s just a Promtard and Kelly.
