HCwDB
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Thursday, November 5, 2009
HCwDB Halloween Continues
All right, I hear all yer bitchin’ that the pics this week haven’t been up to snuff.
Alls I’ll say in your humble narrator’s defense is that I’ve been swamped with admittedly hilarious Halloween pics, which I’m planning on putting together into one big post in the next few days.
Many regulars and semi-regulars, like dennis ‘bagger pictured here, came up with some truly inspired douchosity.
But as a result of so much ‘Ween, the regular pics haven’t been coming in as much.
So bear with as I clear out the secondary pics this week. I promise to make it up to you. And by promise to make it up to you, I mean STFU, the site is free.
Thursday, November 5, 2009Robopud
Part of me wants to give Robopud credit for busting one of the rarest of rare ‘Bag Hand Gestures (#92).
“The Fonzie.”
Way to go with your retro old-school self, Robopud.
Thursday, November 5, 2009Keith Barely Tries
Listen, Keith, if you’re going to step away from the bar to douche it up with the Kathy Sisters, at least make a little more effort than minimal kissy lips and the obvious Sideways Peace Sign.
And get some Ubiquitous Red Cups while you’re at it.
Wholesome, soft skinned, shiny cleavite on Kathy One makes me want to break-dance in a bunny suit while gargling Japanese boba and juggling two small African orphan children named Umbeke and !chol.
Wholesome, soft skinned, shiny cleavite on Kathy Two makes me want to, uhm, touch them.
Because all my metaphor entendres were used up on Kathy One.
Thursday, November 5, 2009Time for Shots!!
And by shots, I mean vaccines.
"Scrotes and Brunettes"
Play the new boardgame, “Scrotes and Brunettes”!
New!
From Milton ‘Bagley.
Yeah, I got nothin’ more to add to a pic when the douche writes “prick” under his cap while making the universal sign for ‘I’ve never done this to a real woman’.
But the giant hawk on Sickboy from “Trainspotting” is pretty enjoyable.
As are the tasty ambiguously Semitic brunettes.
Mmm… I’d Natalie their Portmans.
Thursday, November 5, 2009“Scrotes and Brunettes”
Play the new boardgame, “Scrotes and Brunettes”!
New!
From Milton ‘Bagley.
Yeah, I got nothin’ more to add to a pic when the douche writes “prick” under his cap while making the universal sign for ‘I’ve never done this to a real woman’.
But the giant hawk on Sickboy from “Trainspotting” is pretty enjoyable.
As are the tasty ambiguously Semitic brunettes.
Mmm… I’d Natalie their Portmans.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009The Enchantment Under the Sea Dance: 2009
Marty McFly just drove the DeLorean off a cliff.
Grinny Guy
Every party has one.
Yeah, he’s not much of a douche, but Brunette’s sulty stare and pokey cheekbone/boob complimentarian symmetry makes me want to slap a penguin and ask for an after dinner mint.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009Spanky Feels Ignored
Spanky’s still pissed no one cares about mocking his douchey ass. And while he wants to congratulate ‘Bagpoleon on winning the HCwDB of the Week, he has one question for us:
Spanky: What’s a brotha gotta hairspike and hottie mug to get some mock around here?
You just didn’t have it, Spanky.
Now go fetch me a chicken pot pie.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009HCwDB of the Week: The 'Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine
In a hearty contest in which we linguistically dissected choad and boobies like a cracked up sushi chef, the winning coupling of the ‘Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine was too much skin to ignore.
The voters speak:
Tony Ventresca: I choose Bagpoleon & Josephine due to his extreme overcompensating little man complex and her incredible hottness (even if she is sucking in her tummy).
Whoop-di-douche: It is exceedingly difficult to decide which is the most stunning: her Top-Drawer-Smiling-Perfect-Figure Hotness or his Fedora-Not-Top-Hat-Neck-Blinged-Double-Reveal: Abs AND Groin-Shave.
Dr. DB: Why Josephine must you get so close to the little man with the low pants? Bagpolean FTW, and by win I mean a short and smelly loss for Josephines dad.
One for the Choad: Ooh, tough choice this week. Pudwick is most a worthy candidate, but I have to go with Bagpolean ftw, because his hott is makes me think of cheesecake and kittens.
Wedgie: Baggie for the weekly. GSR is a pet peeve of mine; only women should be allowed to get Brazilian bikini waxes.
noobbag: Waxed chest is an easily displayed scrotrait, but the GSR takes it to a whole new level. May Bagpolean put the razor to better use in the nether region and self-castrate. Bagpole FTW.
“Lesbian Thermos” Ernie Tubesock: Bagpoleon looks like the star of Rick Moranis’ new joint: “Honey, I Shrunk Lou Ferigno”. Bagpoleon wins but loses in life.
Mr. Scrotato Head: Billy Barty once said “The general public thinks all little people are in circuses or sideshows. We have doctors, nurses, just about every field covered.” That’s right Billy. Short people have dreams. They go to college, get married, have careers, raise families. Unfortunately somebody forgot to tell Bagpoleon. Congratulations, now Douchebag can officially be added to the list of societal obstacles little people have so courageously ovecome.
riverdouche: josephine is quite simply one of the hottest women posted on this site(even the kanye shades don’t bother me), and bagpoleon certainly holds his own. wee man and her hips for the win.
J bone: Shaved groin? Check. Stupid plastic sunglasses? Check. Jesus bling, fedora and giant watch? Check, check and check. And she has a stomach I would eat breakfast, lunch and dinner off of while furiously fwoping.
BallsDeep: a microcosm of the loveliest flowers and douche-pollen, the sunrays glinting off her baconstrip body and oily delicious juices and her forced smile that shows the rest of us onlookers that there is still hope.
jonezy: Bagpolean FTW, because we all win when Josephine is re-posted repeatedly.
DarkSock: I must cast my ballot for The Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine because 1. She is hotter than fresh cat poo in a microwave and 2. Little Bags are the worst offenders. They try harder, because they have to. No hott fantasizes about 68’ing.
Captain Bringdown: There is no reason outside of cancer surgery for a grown man to have his groin shaven and placed on display. Tack on the probably spindly Daffy Duck legs that accompany so many upper body queens and this guy becomes, like Corky before him, a living reminder that eugenics is not always a bad idea. Poor Josephine has to wear welding goggles so she isn’t blinded by the glare off his front porch.
An excellent round of linguistic ‘bag mock and hot lust, gold stars for all. And then there was Truckstop Pudwick:
Mr. Bungle: Truckstop Pudwick and Shana are the winners (?) this week. First of all, don’t point at me Thomas Haden Douche. Your love for Ed Hardy and ironic tats have no business touching my future ex-wife Shana or “Danica Patrihott” Its my job to rub cocoa butter on her muffin ass after a day at the races.
Medusa Oblongata: Trucker Pud FTW and by tht I mean Flatbed Truck Wash. And a kick in the nads besides.
nopepr: Truckstop Pud. If there was ever someone I wanted to buy a truck and hit with it it’s that pud. I’m still angry from seeing that a week ago.
Archidouchies: I’m gonna have to go with the sloppy drunkenness and traditional pointing of the out of work Patrick Swayze stunt double and his sultry, tight dress wearing lady that inspires thoughts of black jack tacos.
Burning Giraffe: It’s sad to think that Truckstop Pudwick once had the ambition of a being a singer/songwriter for the Freecreditreport.com band only to experience the reality of being shivved in a prison bathroom.
The blessed Scrotini: Truckstop Pudwick FTW. Sure, he IS the most obvious ‘bag to point out in a group so it’d be hard to miss him – even in a room FULL of ‘bags. But that is also what makes him my choice. I believe even his pinky fingers whisper douchebag in the ears of every man he meets. As far as Shana goes, she would be welcome to be a model for a sculpture I would create if I had any artistic talent in that form. And as such hers is none to argue about.
And the ginormous watch of the Big Ben ‘Bag and his two lovely ladies, including the Holy White Triangle, also found support:
Gee Forgé: Holy White Triangle and Brunette Jenna Jameson for the Hall. Holy white makes orphan children attempting to flee Darfur giggle with joy at the beauty and promise of the world. She makes illegal fundamentalist jewish settlers and hamas extremists break into leaping high-fives and face to face motorboat mimicking. That is the potency of her transcendental majesty. That and her patooty tastes like organic licorice.
Patrick: My Vote goes to The Big Ben ‘Bag. His hotts are unreal. I would caress their right arms ever so slightly, just enough to bring up goosebumps and then I would hurry away in a 5th grade bit of “She looked at me” style Embarrasment.
dbBen: Big Ben Bag. He just cut me off in his 350Z.
Big Bag Bag had enough power-hott to win an average week, but this week was too stocked with hott and choad for him to compete. So we turn it over to El Caganer to take us home:
My vote goes to Bagpoleon. He has spent years in the gym working on his overdeveloped abs. This shows his committment. He is also an early adopter of the groin shave reveal. That needs to be stopped. No one wants to see that junk. Josephine is a true beauty and has taken the place of Francine in a number of fantasies that are unspeakable. Bagpoleon has the hottest hott and that is always enough for my vote.
Well said, El C. Well said indeed. All four couplings of gnaw-hott and crap-on-a-stick have been selected for the Monthly on Monday. The groin shaven metaphysical gun is cocked and loaded.
Good work, people. Now lets all eat some sugar cereal. And by sugar cereal, I mean Frosted Flakes.
