HCwDB
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Friday, October 30, 2009
He’s Got Mad Skullz!
Yeah, whaddaya want. Clever skull puns?
Alls I can think about is aqua blue sparkle dress shimmying in the moonlight whilst I feed her grapes and grope her buns like a homeless baker kneading street dough.
Friday, October 30, 2009Friday Haiku (reset)
Money on shirt, yo!
Too bad none in bank, Suzy.
But boobs are like dough.
Filipino ‘bag?
America good to me.
Proud chest muffins rule!
— Bag A
And yet once again
Tina is overdressed
For Thanksgiving
— jonezy
Juan shows credit score.
Bank won’t recover losses.
Taxpayers foot bill.
-Amerigo Vesdouchey
Douchebag points to stars
But I keep staring at moons
Meanwhile, heaven weeps
— Franklyn Dealorno Doucheifelt
Straight from Viet Nam
To the streets of Bakersfield
American Dream
— scrotum pole
Christmas party for
Enrique’s Lawn Mowing Co.
Has stripper this year
— Vin Douchal
Lower left toddler.
Inez sets fine example.
Aspiring stripper.
— AV
Her ribcage milkbursts
Compete for attention with
Her deprived toddler
— DarkSock
baby looks for elmo,
douche’s forehead shines like the sun
bolt-on boobs distract me
— Anonymous
Thursday, October 29, 2009Carlos's Redundant Point
I speak not of the pointilism of Georges-Pierre Seurat.
Nor, the point at the end of the chin of Mrs. Witherspoon.
Not even do I speak of the Clovis point found in the Paleoindian period of 11,500 B.C.
I speak only of Carlos’s redundant point.
Because without your redundant point, Carlos, I might’ve stared at the wrong rack.
Thursday, October 29, 2009Carlos’s Redundant Point
I speak not of the pointilism of Georges-Pierre Seurat.
Nor, the point at the end of the chin of Mrs. Witherspoon.
Not even do I speak of the Clovis point found in the Paleoindian period of 11,500 B.C.
I speak only of Carlos’s redundant point.
Because without your redundant point, Carlos, I might’ve stared at the wrong rack.
Thursday, October 29, 2009Spanky
I get that The CW likes to revive old shows for the teen market like Melrose Place, but this image from Our Gang: The Teen Years is just straight up douchey.
Reader Mail: Contextualizing the Six Pound Watch
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DB1,
Being somewhat of a wristwatch historian, I’d like to point out that long before douchebags were wearing six pound watches, otherwise normal outdoorsmen like myself were relying on large timepieces to get us safely to the top of the mountain and the bottom of the ocean.
A great example of adjusting the business model to meet the needs of new customers (douchebags) with disposable income is seen with Casio. Whereas the G-Shock used to be targeted at the outdoorsman and hi-adventurer, it is now more and more seen on the wrists of orange-crush-skinned hip-hop wannabee douchebags.
I realize this is a business decision, but this does not mean I have to let it go without comment.
Respectfully yours,
John Douche Passos
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Fair enough, JDP, but once an object has become denatured as part of douchal echo, it cannot be reclaimed. You must let it go, just as we say goodbye to Grey Goose, even though it is an okay enough vodka based on the quality.
Thursday, October 29, 2009Caption This Pic
Francine knew that after winning the HCwDB of the Month with Mack the Nozzle, the sky was the limit. And by sky, she meant vodka. And by limit, she meant a brief career performing with the goth nightclub act, “Cirque Du Semiemployed”
Mr. Flushy
Remember kids, Mr. Flushy says:
Your toilet brush is a major source of bathroom germs! Be sure to replace it at least once every six months.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009The Fingerbag
The sideways peace sign has definitely given way to the “Double Finger” in the ‘bag hand gesture lexicon.
Low Rent Gina Gershon has ‘tude and bling and boobies, and therefore sparrows chirp appreciately in spite of her propensity to torture cattle during shearing season.
Yup.
No idea what I’m saying again.
It was that second bottle of Thunderbird I had at 2pm. I knew I should’ve stopped at one.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009The Hoverbag: Finger Edition
We haven’t featured a true Hoverbag on the site in awhile.
A Hoverbag can be anyone, douche or nottadouche, who decides to disrupt the sapphic moment when the ladies get goofy and start performing for a nearby camera.
No one wants to see you, Finger Boy. Get the hell out of the frame.
Although I must say, I did enjoy your performance as the goalie in The Mighty Ducks.
