HCwDB
-
Friday, September 18, 2009
Friday Thoughts and Links
And by “party,” he means grab his nads.
There’s probably way too many links for this week, so I’ll forgo my usual ramblings and get straight to the goodstuffs:
Follow your humble narrator on Twitter.
The only sex video you will ever need to see. Big Jim Slade satisfies all. And the capitol of Nebraska is Lincoln.
The reason YouTube was invented. And no, I have no idea who made this, or why.
A reader snapped a pic of my future ex-wife’s car. Figures she’d take me for a Benz.
Young suburbanite Tom O’Connor discovers autotune, becomes a douchebag. As per a comment, this is what it sounds like when doves cry.
A number of other readers are naming their fantasy football teams after HCwDB characters, but This was my favorite. But where’s Matt Stafford and Jeff Reed?
Okay, I’ll admit it. Last night, drunk on Night Train, I found myself attracted to Flo, the Kooky Progressive Insurance Girl. Mock me if you must.
The great charactor actor Henry Gibson passed away this week. Gibson had a role in the coolest movie of all time, and more recently was hilarious in Wedding Crashers. RIP Blues Brother Nazi. “Write the check, Roger!”
Patrixxx wins Douchiest Myspace of the Week. Maybe the Month. Yikes. “Celebrate your success and stand strong when adversity hits, for when the storm clouds come in, the eagles soar while the small birds take cover…”
The University of Virginia, dipped in irony like a chocolate laser beam, tries to defend its douchery. Any state with a Man-assas Junction has problems.
But before we get to our Ass Pear, how’s a little Asspearlepsy to fire up the synapses?
What? Too annoying?
Okay, here ya go: Bite Me Ass Pear.
Friday, September 18, 2009Ask DB1: Resistance to Mocking?
—-
Hey DB1,
I’m a long-time fan, first time e-mailer. There is something that has been bothering me….
Yesterday I was studying pesticide use on farms, and the textbook explained that pests, over time, will become immune to the particular chemical..The farmers would then have to resort to different forms of chemical to kill the pests.
This got me thinking about douchebags. Does mocking them make them immune to further mocking (i.e. Donkey Douche, Arthur Kade)? If you take a look at culture right now, people continue to be walking billboards, and Ed Hardy still stays strong. Do we have to resort to other forms of douche protesting, like physical beatings?
Jason
—-
While I grant you that the last year of Hardy-esque resurgence in douchal apparel has made me wonder if the tide is still turning, there have been a number of victories in our war due to our power of mock.
Ridiculous bling has become more muted. Popped collar is going extinct. Gang gestures and sneery lips are also less prevalent.
This doesn’t mean this war won’t continue and get worse. There are billions of dollars to be made by saturating our mediascape with an entanglement between erotics and market product. Brands like Axe Bodyspray and L.A. Looks, and many of the cheesy energy drink companies, are incorporating self-mock and pseudo-irony to stay in the game.
There’s a long way to go. But we’re making in-roads.
Friday, September 18, 2009The Nordic 'Bag
Oh Denmark.
First Smørrebrød.
Now this.
Friday, September 18, 2009The Nordic ‘Bag
Oh Denmark.
First Smørrebrød.
Now this.
Friday, September 18, 2009Friday Haiku
Young ‘bag, still not wise.
When brunette shakes ass pear tree,
Thou must get lost, douche.
I’ve seen that buckle
on NeverEnding Story
He is the Nothing
— jonezy
Jenny strikes a pose
Next to Jason’s stiffened corpse
Models can be cruel
– Mr. White
James Earl Jones would puke.
Thulsa Doom’s snake emblem, eh?
Nothing is sacred.
– “Lesbian Thermos” Ernie Tubesock
Shapely haunches, but
no white pants past Labor Day.
You’re no Snake Pliskin.
– Bag A
Nice vegetation
By vegetation I mean
Nutritious Ass pear
– teh abominable snowdouche
When nervous, this scrote
Gets both panties and his shirt
Tied up in a bunch.
– Crucial Head
pairing looks like… Congratulation Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride. Imma let you finish. Everybody knows Crucial had the best haiku of all time.
— Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride
Thursday, September 17, 2009Terry Christ
Far be it for me to make fun of a memorial tattoo, but unless I’m reading your left pec incorrectly, was Jesus your grandfather?
So can I call you Terry? Or Mr. Christ?
That will totally get you and Holly Hott past the line at Hyde.
Thursday, September 17, 2009Blaming Dirk Benedict
I’ve noticed in the threads lately a push to blame legendary 1970s/80s TV star Dirk Benedict as one of the originators of the grand Hollywood douche plague.
This is unfair. I must object.
Anyone who starred with Willie Ames in the lost classic of the screwball caper genre, Scavenger Hunt, earns massive props.
The actor who played the original Battlestar Gallactica Starbuck as an alcoholic, cigar chomping, girl chasing, scenery chewing douchebag is not, therefore, a douchebag.
And what of Benedict’s brilliant avant-garde work using the Meisner Technique to bring out the subtleties of Faceman in The A-Team? It changed modern acting as we know it.
Dirk Benedict was not a douchebag. He just played one on TV, with great irony and self awareness. For that, he earns a lifetime nottadouche.
What has Dirk Benedict been up to lately? Here he is auditioning for Battlestar Funtopia, along with 80s douche Corbin Bernsen.
Thursday, September 17, 2009Long Island Douche Ferns
Add water, hair gel, overprized tees bought at Nordstrom and a degree from DeVry, and expect little growth for the next 40-60 years.
Thursday, September 17, 2009Dog the Booty Hunter
Yup. It’s HCwDB legend, Dog.
Liver.
Lover.
Penicillin user.
As to the lady, I can’t tell if she’s naked or wearing a small, rubber, flesh covered watermelon, so I’m going with it.
Thursday, September 17, 2009The Hardy Boy and the Case of the Bleethy Brunette
It sucks when you bust out the truly douchey “Double Ed Hardy” (coat plus tee), and your girlfriend is still able to outdouche you.
