HCwDB
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Thursday, August 20, 2009
Rule of Thumbs
If you have to tattoo “HARD CORE” on your fingers, you are neither “hard,” nor “core.”
Even Svetlana learned that in Poland.
In Scrabble, unless there’s a “double word” bonus, your hands are worth 14 points.
And if you interlace your hands, you’re just CHOARRED. Which makes, like, no sense at all.
In fact there are numerous other eight letter words that would be more appropriate for finger tatting.
Like aardvark.
Or dognapper.
Or milkweed.
Or odometer.
Or psyllium.
Thursday, August 20, 2009The "Rockstar Leniency Rule" Explained
Some remain confused about what exactly is meant by the “Rockstar Leniency Rule.”
To wit (to Chiam Witz), here it is explained again:
In certain specific cases, those in which dressing up in douchesque ways are part of a theatrical or musical spectacle, there is some leeway granted before we tag “douche.”
This covers the carnivalesque superhero (like the WWE), the stage show singer/performer (Kiss, Van Halen) and the from-the-streets success story (Lil’ Wayne, 2Pac, Jewel Kilcher).
If musical success has been achieved, douchosity can be seen as a necessary costume or affect — like whooping cough. It is not necessarily forgivable, it is simply factored in as potentially a part of the performative spectacle.
The second part of the R.L.R. involves factoring in humor or self-deprecation. Justin Timberlake, long seen as a major carrier of the Grieco Virus, has mostly redeemed himself by participating in self mocking and taking the piss out of his “pretty boy” construct. I’m not ready to grant Timberlake a full nottadouche just yet, but he’s on the road of recovery.
Again, this is a case by case basis.
Kid Rock remains an ubersquat both on and off stage, no RLR granted. John Mayer attempts humorous self deprecation to appeal for an RLR, but in his case, Mayer simply reveals the gargantuan ego of the true douche rotting and festering in his soul.
The RLR is never automatic. It merely allows us leeway to account for the performative by the entertainer that we wouldn’t grant to, say, one of the Joey Porsche Long Island poseur crew.
Thursday, August 20, 2009The “Rockstar Leniency Rule” Explained
Some remain confused about what exactly is meant by the “Rockstar Leniency Rule.”
To wit (to Chiam Witz), here it is explained again:
In certain specific cases, those in which dressing up in douchesque ways are part of a theatrical or musical spectacle, there is some leeway granted before we tag “douche.”
This covers the carnivalesque superhero (like the WWE), the stage show singer/performer (Kiss, Van Halen) and the from-the-streets success story (Lil’ Wayne, 2Pac, Jewel Kilcher).
If musical success has been achieved, douchosity can be seen as a necessary costume or affect — like whooping cough. It is not necessarily forgivable, it is simply factored in as potentially a part of the performative spectacle.
The second part of the R.L.R. involves factoring in humor or self-deprecation. Justin Timberlake, long seen as a major carrier of the Grieco Virus, has mostly redeemed himself by participating in self mocking and taking the piss out of his “pretty boy” construct. I’m not ready to grant Timberlake a full nottadouche just yet, but he’s on the road of recovery.
Again, this is a case by case basis.
Kid Rock remains an ubersquat both on and off stage, no RLR granted. John Mayer attempts humorous self deprecation to appeal for an RLR, but in his case, Mayer simply reveals the gargantuan ego of the true douche rotting and festering in his soul.
The RLR is never automatic. It merely allows us leeway to account for the performative by the entertainer that we wouldn’t grant to, say, one of the Joey Porsche Long Island poseur crew.
Thursday, August 20, 2009Flash Gorton
Looks like you caught a fishstick with guyliner, Sally.
Toss it back before it starts singing falsetto karaoke.
Starhead
That reminds me.
Did I leave my greased up starhead kissing an Asian hott at home again?
I hate when I forget to kick it in the nads.
Thursday, August 20, 2009Fool Colt's Pendulum
Okay, for those whining that Mensa Candidates didn’t have enough hottness in it, I’m pulling the post.
But this is your punishment for annoying the DB1 with whining.
Smell it… smell it… now take it.
This mess is a toxic swirl of HCwDB iconography. Donkey Douche. Chandlerbag. An indeterminate bikini hott. Ubiquitous Red Cup. All these signifiers swirling in one image, recoded and remixed into one giant flashing neon poop.
I declare this pic art.
And by art, I mean AIYEEEEEE!!!! MEIN EYES!!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009Fool Colt’s Pendulum
Okay, for those whining that Mensa Candidates didn’t have enough hottness in it, I’m pulling the post.
But this is your punishment for annoying the DB1 with whining.
Smell it… smell it… now take it.
This mess is a toxic swirl of HCwDB iconography. Donkey Douche. Chandlerbag. An indeterminate bikini hott. Ubiquitous Red Cup. All these signifiers swirling in one image, recoded and remixed into one giant flashing neon poop.
I declare this pic art.
And by art, I mean AIYEEEEEE!!!! MEIN EYES!!!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009Becca's Vegas Tag
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hcwdb-
This pic was taken at the rooftop at moon at the Palms in Vegas. I don’t remember the particulars, but I do seem to remember them telling us they were male models. hahaha.
I live in LA, so nothing really surprises me anymore.
Thanks for the blog. I dig it!
– ‘Becca
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Nice tag ‘Becca, and while I’m not sure whether you’re the brunette getting crunched between Fauxhawk Rocker or the blonde curling up with Roidy McDNeck, I give you props for surviving the exposure to Vegas Scrotery.
I don’t think they lied to you, though. They clearly are male models. They just model diaper poopy.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009Becca’s Vegas Tag
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hcwdb-
This pic was taken at the rooftop at moon at the Palms in Vegas. I don’t remember the particulars, but I do seem to remember them telling us they were male models. hahaha.
I live in LA, so nothing really surprises me anymore.
Thanks for the blog. I dig it!
– ‘Becca
—-
Nice tag ‘Becca, and while I’m not sure whether you’re the brunette getting crunched between Fauxhawk Rocker or the blonde curling up with Roidy McDNeck, I give you props for surviving the exposure to Vegas Scrotery.
I don’t think they lied to you, though. They clearly are male models. They just model diaper poopy.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009The Eurobag
So I’m buying my bagel and YooHoo this morning at the local Korean deli, when this old lady taps me on the shoulder.
Old lady: “Excuse me, sonny. Can you tell me how one can look like a douche while groping a hott in Europe?”
Excuse me? I responded.
Old lady: “The Eurodouche! How does it work? I’m talking without the Ed Hardy, bling, kissy lips and orange tan. How can we identify a Eurodouche mugging a Eurohott?”
Two words, I responded. Bedazzled jeans.
And then I handed her this pic.
She thanked me and bought a dozen lottery tickets.
The moral of this story is never look an alpaca in the teats.
Yup, your humble narrator is making no sense again. I blame the Yoohoo’s sugary chocolate goodness.
