HCwDB
-
Monday, June 8, 2009
HCwDB of the Week
Last week was one of the best runs of consistently varied Hottie/Douchey pics of stankitude wrongness and boobie suckle thigh. It was nearly impossible to cull down to a final three.
But culled I musted. So here’s your thems threes:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: E-BLO aka Electric Blight Orchestra
For a three pic run of HCwDB excellence, E-BLO comes into the Weekly as the heavy favorite.
Crusty Gel Head.
Aqua blue D-Neck.
Unearned Dog Tags.
A tasty if confused Britney looking like she’s suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
From his ability to pull quality collegiate pillow hott sqeetness, as with Britney, E-BLO is all that is hair greased in Scottsdale.
In pic 2, he sports a ridiculous aqua name-brand muscle something, but with a trashy douchebaguette. But lest you feared the hotts were playing down to the competition, pic 3 proves that while E-BLO gets douchier, the hotts can be just as counterpointedly innocent.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Sleeve Burglar 
Props to Douche B4 Dishonor for naming this pic, which ran on Saturday as “Your Saturday ‘This Coupling Is So Wrong I Just Punched A Fluffy Kitten in The Nutsack’ Pic”.
Many Fluffy Kittens found their genitals punched that day, I assure you.
For those who do not appreciate Tiny Calista’s Hottness, for shame people. She is the college girl who smells like roses and petunias. Her giggles sound like squealing hamsters.
Sleeve Burglar’s Fluffy Kittens deserve punching for bling, bored ‘tude and the most ridiculous shirt to make the site in months.
And then there’s his Best Bro, Kal. Picking his nose. All in a Motel6.
A worthy finalist, indeed.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Moozer
The Moozer knows he’s a longshot, and Katie has the youthful vigor of a potential underage hotlet.
But The Moozer is still in it to win it.
And by win it, he means pencil chin-pube dribble.
This is the classic sneery douche-face that renders a pic stronger than the sum of its adouchrements.
And hotlet or not, Katie is sweet and wholesome and deserves innocent protection as well as me drooling on that faint tanline on her boobage.
Finally: The Moozer’s bling. You might not have noticed it at first. Look at it. It is rankling rankage rank.
(Dis)honorable mention to so many pics that just missed the cut, including Jar Jar Pinks, D–ch-b-g, the tall-short oddities of Stars McDana, the creepizoid nature of Giger Abs and Mammy Miami, who was sent directly to the newly opened “Closet of Poo” below the Hall of Scrote.
Them’s your three. Which is a combo of taint/hott enough to win the Weekly? That’s up to you.
Get off yer ass and vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, June 7, 2009Bulgarian 'Bags Say "да!"
The Douche Virus has gone global. It’s even permeated small Eastern European countries, Bulgarian rap groups, and small woodland animals.
I feel for these people. Sure being behind the Iron Curtain meant a lack of freedom. But it also meant a lack of rapping choadwanks in orange shirts and bling.
Sunday, June 7, 2009Bulgarian ‘Bags Say “да!”
The Douche Virus has gone global. It’s even permeated small Eastern European countries, Bulgarian rap groups, and small woodland animals.
I feel for these people. Sure being behind the Iron Curtain meant a lack of freedom. But it also meant a lack of rapping choadwanks in orange shirts and bling.
Saturday, June 6, 2009Alpaca Farm Head
That reminds me, did I trim the hedges out by my alpaca farm this week?
Your Saturday "This Coupling Is So Wrong I Just Punched A Fluffy Kitten in The Nutsack" Pic
If you’d like to substitute a poor, destitute orphan boy on the streets of Calcutta in lieu of the kitten, that is an acceptable alternate for nutsack punch.
Your Saturday “This Coupling Is So Wrong I Just Punched A Fluffy Kitten in The Nutsack” Pic
If you’d like to substitute a poor, destitute orphan boy on the streets of Calcutta in lieu of the kitten, that is an acceptable alternate for nutsack punch.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Here’s E-BLO, The Electric Blight Orchestra, now maintaining an absolutely blank douche-face in the presence of various tasty collegiate hotts in three pictures in a row.
It’s like Monday’s HCwDB of the Week is already over, and it’s only Friday.
Another week of thigh hott lust and choadscrote mock comes to a close. Alls I know is I’m eating Fig Newtons and downing at least two bottles of Thunderbird by Sundown.
Here’s your links:
Noted uberdouchologist Arthur Kade rides vacuous narcissism into a blip of pointless media attention. Keep staring at yourself, Artie. Maybe something’ll show up eventually.
Speaking of Philly wankscrote, today is Mike Fazio’s birthday. I wish I could retroactive erase knowing who “Mike Fazio” is. Maybe if I drink harder tonight.
So when did buying lingerie online begin to resemble the auditions for “Casting Couch #83”? And why no librarian hotties?
Speaking of weightlifting guido-face poo, do not click on this link. I told you not to click on that link.
Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun is launching a line of douche-wear. For when Ed Hardy isn’t scrotey enough.
Euro Conquistador and 2007 internet meme, The Techno Viking, battles none other than HCwDB’s own Jorge in Technoviking versus Vernon Koekemoer. With a strange dash of Chuck Norris.
In South Korea, Axe Bodyspray turns a female dormitory into a calendar of daily hotness. Nice to objectify women as daily objects to be acquired, Axe Marketing Team. I would never do that here at HCwDB. Mmmm, boobie hottie suckle thigh.
And finally… your tropical paradise Ass Pear La Plante.
Friday, June 5, 2009All That Jazz: Miami Beach Touring Company
I get that the whole updating of a Bob Fosse musical means you gotta take some liberties with costume.
But really. Making the Roy Scheider character a chest shaving scrote-stain? Not a good choice.
As to the hotts, the answer is yes, I would indeed Kander their Ebbs and Comden their Greens. I would Sweet their Charities and Fiddler their Roofs, then softly hum “We Should Light the Candle” from Rent while massaging their toesies and groping their thighs.
Yes, even the intimidating brunette on the right. For her corpus poses a delightful challenge that I would snack on like a hungry sea bass. Judge me if you must, but that girl gets freaky.
Friday, June 5, 2009Grillz
Teeth grillz.
Still out there.
Still very silly.
Friday, June 5, 2009Friday Haiku
Scrotevil Plague strikes,
Bikini Blonde infected
Where the sun don’t shine.
Ronnie James Dio
Never intended for such
misuse of goat horns.
— Douche Wayne
This is what happens
When you sleep under piles
of wet anime.
— Mr. White
Test subject from the
“Jackson Pollock School of Tatts”
Needs new part-time job
— Vin Douchal
Bleeth prepares last words
In ‘Bag sign language before
Stepping off gallows.
— Crucial Head
Wall of graffiti
Wants to whisper in your ear
Turns out – just a ‘bag
— saulgoode42
