HCwDB
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Friday, May 8, 2009
Muddle of Pudd
Sure, you laugh now at Muddle #1’s High Hat Hair now. But you won’t be laughing when he goes swimming and inadvertently spears a halibut.
Yeah, I said halibut.
And I’ll say it again.
Just watch me.
Halibut.
Friday, May 8, 2009Friday Haiku
Orange Ben Stiller.
Hott? Perhaps not so hott, true,
But boob tan redeems.
She sips mercury
They have tanned on Mercury
Hermes must smite them.
— Crucial Head
I am very tough.
I eat oats three times a day.
I spray myself orange.
— teh abominable snowdouche
Tan lines, go-go boots
Happy hour buzz, I’d hit it
Hate myself next day
— Yahoo Scrotius
Peace to you, homey
Want to save the planet?
Quit bogarting the sun
— JoMama
Thursday, May 7, 2009Trunk
trunk (n).
1. the main stem of a tree, as distinct from the branches and roots.
2. a large, sturdy box or chest for holding or transporting clothes, personal effects, or other articles.
3. a large compartment, usually in the rear of an automobile, in which luggage, a spare tire, and other articles may be kept.
4. the body of a person or an animal excluding the head and limbs; torso.
5. Ichthyology. the part of a fish between the head and the anus.
6. See “badonkadonk.”
Thursday, May 7, 2009Take These Boobs… Please
Nice boobs!
And the brunette has a nice rack as well.
Yes, it’s the oldest joke in the book. Yes, the Friars Club just banned it from all future roasts.
But it’s still funny. And if it isn’t funny, boobs.
Thursday, May 7, 2009A Case Study in DoucheLipsery
I know what you’re thinking.
“That guy isn’t so scrotey. More like a stage-1 douche for the fwippy hair.”
Ah, young one, you have much to learn.
For instance, how fast can the douchelips emerge in presence of a suckle thigh this quality?
Thursday, May 7, 2009Reader Mail: Taylor Loves Bra!!
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Dear Great and Mighty Douchebag1,
I know I am but a mere college undergrad girl, but I come to you humbly asking if it would it be possible for you to post more pictures of Bra, please?
PLEASE??? The guy’s like a slice of Heaven meant for nerdy girls like myself to ogle over between Calculus and Accounting class.
There is nothing I want more than to place my head on his soft yet firm tummy and nibble on the underside of his starry arms. I understand you can only post pics when you get them and people might not be sending them to you, but if you could just put any pictures that you do get in the Bra section along with the others it would be so freakin awesome of you.
You don’t even have to write anything, you are a very busy guy with eating all those Ho-hos and murdered Peeps and all, so just the pics will suffice. I don’t care if it’s him like brushing his teeth, or flossing, or clipping his toenails. Eww gross never mind, I hate feet. But pretty much anything other than him touching his feet would be perfectly delicious and enough for me to “be happy” for days.
ps. do you happen to know his MySpace? *evil happy grin* b/c I definitely wouldn’t visit it.
— Taylor
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I have no idea what to make of this email. Sarcastic? Sincere? A real college coed? A guy pretending to be a college coed?
Confused, I will instead recline in repose with a tasty cola beverage. Pepsi. No, Dr. Pepper. No. Pepsi.
Thursday, May 7, 2009Is Chest-San a 'Bag?
Who says there are no Asian superheroes?
But is he douche? I’m leaning “yes” but figured I’d open up the forum for discussion.
And yes, she may have 64 teeth, but the smile is still delightful.
Thursday, May 7, 2009Is Chest-San a ‘Bag?
Who says there are no Asian superheroes?
But is he douche? I’m leaning “yes” but figured I’d open up the forum for discussion.
And yes, she may have 64 teeth, but the smile is still delightful.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009Is This Mung?
While laughing at the Chick Who Makes the Same Face in Every Pic, reader Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein caught the following image and sent it in.
Adolph’s question: is this one of the legendary Oompa Prompas?
It’s clearly not Fung.
Is it a de-oranged yet still douchey Prompa #2, aka “Mung”?
Or is this HCwDB of the Week winning Artificial Douchetelligence? Or all they all parts of the same orangified psyche?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009Stu
I hate to admit it, but I kinda like Stu.
Sure he’s got “integrity” tattooed over his belly button just above a cross. Which would be a contradiction in terms. And sure he’s got eight inches of mandana covering the receding hairline.
But Stu reminds me of that minimally employed gym teacher I had in high school. The guy who ran the “Weight Training” class and snapped towels at the football players. Dreaming of his glory days back when he was 16. And I can’t hate on that guy. For he was a minimally employed gym teacher.
Well, maybe I can. Just a bit.
As to the triumvirate of lovely Brunettes, I would softly Lysol wipe each of their bums, and then place crackers and cheese upon them.
