HCwDB
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Saturday, May 2, 2009
Friday Thoughts and Links
And my original Friday Thoughts and Links, as written earlier:
On this pensive Pink Xenu Friday, I contemplate the joys of rubbing the Boobie Suckle Thigh’s Suckle Thigh softly.
It feels like warm pecan pie. I want to bite it.
And for that, I give thanks to an angry and vengeful God by sacrificing a Peeps.
Here’s your Friday Links:
HCwDB of the Month winning British model fondling uberdouche, Crimson Ted, gets the “Face” treatment over at Break.com.
When the hot chick and douchebag merge in a singularity of suck, we get: Douchebaguette.
Sign #243 of the coming Scrotocalpyse, Ed Hardy now makes Vodka. There truly is no hope.
Steve Porter’s Slap Chop Remix is sheer genius. The Breakin’ footage transforms this from merely inspired into the art of the sublime.
Enjoy the psychadelic brilliance that is The Cult of Kade’s Nostrils. And I’m seriously thinking about attending Kade Bash ’09 on June 20th.
And finally, for all of your hard work this week, you’ve earned it. Your Friday Ass Pear.
Saturday, May 2, 2009Tattoo Likes to Party
EDIT: Looks like this finally published, from earlier today:
I’d almost be inclined to give a nottadouche pass to the short guy who uses the hair spike to make himself taller in presence of the Boobie Hottie Suckle Thigh.
But neckdana? Ridiculous glasses? “Party” t-shirt?
Sorry, Tattoo. No forgiveness. You get a stage-2 Vegas Douche, even if you did sniff out an Ass Pear.
Mmmm. Noelle. You are clumsy and awkward, and your modeling career has only led to skeezy guys hitting on you in sketchy one-room offices in Queens. But I still respect you for your mind.
Friday, May 1, 2009Bud
Dear Bud,
Fratbaggery at the Sorority Mixer will still not get you any action with the Lei Sisters.
Because your sunglasses look like monkey pee and your head counfounds archeologists.
Sincerely,
– DB1
Friday Haiku
Robocop Chin says,
“I grip my glass top down, bro.”
Kate grins, but fake grin.
K-Mart sunglasses,
Mandana, 3-D t-shirt —
Headlocked hott wants out!
— I am Jack’s photophobic eyes
Yellow glasses blind
Kate to his scrotewankery
Wake up, girl and RUN!
— JoMama
Grrr-animal shirt
Makes him big douche at party
Liger on the back
— Bag A
3-D t-shirt is
giving me a migraine
want to kick his chin
— Anonymous
Three D sleeveless T
sleeve fairy got him badly
brunette looks frightened
C-baggin
Thursday, April 30, 2009Jerry O'Connell loves HCwDB
Good work, Cush. You’re forgiven for dropping the comb through the railroad tracks.
And your wife is so hott, she makes my psyche ache with longing for the God that never was. I would gnaw through fields of bramble just for the chance to sniff the discarded makeup canister of blue paint left over after an X-Men shoot.
Thursday, April 30, 2009Jerry O’Connell loves HCwDB
Good work, Cush. You’re forgiven for dropping the comb through the railroad tracks.
And your wife is so hott, she makes my psyche ache with longing for the God that never was. I would gnaw through fields of bramble just for the chance to sniff the discarded makeup canister of blue paint left over after an X-Men shoot.
Thursday, April 30, 2009Kissyface Slims and Lola
Here’s the thing, Kissyface. A D-Neck shirt betraying a beer bottle tatt, just above a middle aged paunch, is not a good look. Embrace your transition into your late 30s.
Lola may be trashy, mai tai bar hott trampy sexy, but thems hills call for my Lewises to Clark her Nanooks of the North.
And yes, that last sentence devolved into the obvious historical references. Because yesterday used up my Freud chits for the week.
Thursday, April 30, 2009The Metsbag
Mets third baseman David Wright celebrates a recent win with a zinfandel, a hottie, and a spikey douche-faux.
EDIT: Okay, this guy’s probably a nottadouche, but he gets paid boatloads to throw a baseball and bang hotts of that caliber. But then again, he lives in Queens. So, douche.
EDIT #2: To those in the comments threads claiming 100% nottadouche, are you sure?
EDIT #3: More evidence.
Thursday, April 30, 2009The Choadpoo
We’ve seen many examples of extreme cultural douchewankery in presence of the hot chick on this site. But every so often we must remind ourselves of the everyday choadpoo.
The douche of genericism that resides on all of our streets and is dating all of our ex-girlfriends.
Like Kent, here. Headlocking Amy while making the doucheface. These are the real viral spreaders of Grieco. These are the true choadpoo.
Thursday, April 30, 2009Connecticut Thugz 4 Life
Yo yo yo.
Gonna bend my chick over in my stylin’ new basement apartment moms rented for me while I’se workin’ out that payment plan with my baby momma, yo.
Just gots to slap dat ass for a bit, before gettin’ to my new gig at KFC, where I make the mad cash.
For reals, yo. Cuz I’m a gangsta.
Just check the gat on my shirt. Would my printed t-shirt lie?
