HCwDB
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Thursday, June 17, 2010
Happy Belated Bloomsday
June 16th was Bloomsday. I missed it yesterday. But, hells, why not, we’re celebrating it today.
So to honor the great James Joyce and his brilliant novel Ulysses, HCwDB style, we shall mock these douchebags and lust these hotts in an Irish brogue:
That’s no bag o’ shwag, me ladies!
Ye sure look lovely upon this tender mornin’!
Spin us a tale of love, would ya?
Of slender legs and giggles and puddin’ in the aft,
For those two boggers ain’t go not clackers, if ye know what I mean.
No lads should to look like such douchebags.
You fine lasses should be spinnin’ the poof juice and havin’ a laugh like.
Not spinning the top o’ schnozzlewoppers with them two skallywag topper thicko shitemonkeys!
That was for you, Mr. Joyce.
Thursday, June 17, 2010Ronkonkoma Dave and Tangerine Tammy
Ronkonkoma Dave and Tangerine Tammy don’t get to leave upstate New York for the big city very often, what with the restraining orders and all.
But when they do, they party sideways peace all up in this bitch.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010Hurley Luncherson
Hurley’s just so happy to have Amazonian Reese Witherspoon second tier Pear in his presence, I almost don’t want to mock the guy.
Then I realize Hat Tilt + Tribal Garish Tatt = mocktime, “happy to be there” or not.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010Breaking: Two People You’ve Never Heard of Broke Up
Because we here at HCwDB like to stay current with the always insightful pop culture blogs, some people you’ve never heard of broke up.
You know these two.
They once acted in something or other.
Or maybe they’re singers.
Or they were on that show about the thing with the thing.
And then they did that thing. With the thing. And it was entertaining. Or maybe it was ironic. But either way, it happened.
And then it was written about in In-Style Magazine in 2005. Or 2006.
I’m not really sure.
But then they dated that other person from that thing who was also famous for being in that event. And that’s why they’re famous.
And that’s why you should care that they broke up.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010Breaking: Two People You've Never Heard of Broke Up
Because we here at HCwDB like to stay current with the always insightful pop culture blogs, some people you’ve never heard of broke up.
You know these two.
They once acted in something or other.
Or maybe they’re singers.
Or they were on that show about the thing with the thing.
And then they did that thing. With the thing. And it was entertaining. Or maybe it was ironic. But either way, it happened.
And then it was written about in In-Style Magazine in 2005. Or 2006.
I’m not really sure.
But then they dated that other person from that thing who was also famous for being in that event. And that’s why they’re famous.
And that’s why you should care that they broke up.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010The Lake Crotch Cactii Approve
Jed and Barry, otherwise known as “The Lake Crotch Cactii,” have brought their latest Burning Man Hottie pickups, Julie and Michelle, by to say they approve of Four Prong and the K Sisters winning the Weekly.
You know what would confirm uberdoucheyness for The Lake Crotch Cactii?
If they ditched any pretense of interest in the ladies, got their bros together, and went around wearing “Maverick,” “Goose” and “Iceman” Top Gun t-shirts.
No. Even they couldn’t possibly do that.
That’s too douchey to be accounted for.
D’oh.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010Hoverbag Tim
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times.
If you interrupt a moment of spontaneous sapphos breaking out in front of a camera by either grinning, gesturing or “woo”ing, you are an autodouche.
There are no exceptions.
It doesn’t matter what else you’ve done in your life. You could volunteer for Greenpeace, the United Way, give blood every six weeks and clean oil off pelicans on weekends, you are still an autodouche.
No one cares about you, Tim, or your chin fung. Get out of the picture.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010Hot Chicks with Florida Governor Charlie Crist
The stimulus package is working!
Although probably not on Governor Crist.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010Pre-Med Students Who Should Know Better
Jen, Kara and Michelle are bored by the antics, Thom and Sean.
Now put down the Ed Hardy and bling, and get back to that stupid Smirnoff game that everyone already hates.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010Khan Chest Reveal
There is one, and only one, Khan Chest Reveal (KCR), and it is blaspheme for you to even emulate it, Troy.
Khan has a forever lifetime nottadouche for being a serious badass. He personifies Rockstar Leniency Rule.
You, Troy, are just a ninny.
And Angie, your boobs are large, and you’re probably a pretty girl under all that stuff. Don’t try so hard. There are other ways to leave Long Island.
