HCwDB
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Sunday, April 12, 2009
Kissy Lips Saturday
No, he’s not “really sweet if you get to know him,” Adrianna.
He’s a squirtsack.
Saturday, April 11, 2009Ask DB1: Douchey Weddings
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DB1-
Do douchebags ever get married? Have you ever seen a douchebag wedding? If this is something that happens, I’d sure like to see it. And by ‘like to see it’, I mean throw up some.
🙂 Marion Hornrim
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Here ya go, Marion.
Please don’t get regurg on your monitor.
EDIT: Responding to the Douchey Wedding post, reader CeeJee submits the following contender.
Saturday, April 11, 2009Ich Bin Ein Deutschbag
Who knew that Chuggo’s skull cane was actually a Germanic Deutschbag with his own “rapping” career?
Look for the tasty Fraulein Nurse ready to inspect the purity of my colon at 1:07.
Friday, April 10, 2009Friday Thoughts and Links
It’s Friday, and your humble narrator is lounging in his cabana and feeding the koi in his koi pond bread crumbs and alka seltzer.
The porch has been cleared of all slugs. The alpacas have been milked.
The parsley, sage and rosemary have grown in nicely in the garden. But not the thyme. Stupid thyme. It keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping. Into the future.
Another successful week mocking the choad and looking at gnaw-worthy hotts along the ride.
No great thoughts today. Except that blueberries are better than strawberries. We all know it. Somebody just had to say it.
Here’s your links:
The Let It Douche Tour, 2009!! Scroting soon at a city near you.
Mr. Internet Show covers HCwDB. And reaches an epiphany.
Papi Shank is what scientists term “Superpoo.”
Crazy teens go on Axe Bodyspray Fire Rampage! “Arson Experts Warn Kids Are Increasingly Turning Aerosol Cologne Into Flamethrowers.” If you count torching our societal expectations, it’s been going on for years, ABC.
It’s Shite Bein’ Scottish!! (warning: ubergay douchebaggery at work)
Last week’s Banana Daiquiri Lemon Drop is indeed Lemon Drop Hott. Yet still hangs with douches.
Where’s ‘Bag Bats Maru? Somewhere in this rank out-of-tune pile of douche-noise, I’ve carefully hidden HCwDB legend, ‘Bag Bats Maru. Look closely. (hint: 2 minutes in)
Future HCwDB of the Month winner in 2027, Little Henry’s on the dance floor.
I can make no logical sense out of this clown’s website, My Life in LA. Alls I smell is taint.
And finally, because you made it through the week, here’s your Friday Ass Pear, volleyball style.
Friday, April 10, 2009Rusty's Rash
Uhm, excuse me sir, but your rash is scaring the other customers.
Now if you don’t mind, you can stand over there and play with the beer bottle as a phallus substitute.
I need to give Pauline seventeen seconds of attention that will not change her world in the slightest but I will tell my grandchildren about.
Friday, April 10, 2009Rusty’s Rash
Uhm, excuse me sir, but your rash is scaring the other customers.
Now if you don’t mind, you can stand over there and play with the beer bottle as a phallus substitute.
I need to give Pauline seventeen seconds of attention that will not change her world in the slightest but I will tell my grandchildren about.
Friday, April 10, 2009Is Brandon a Nottadouche?
It’s Friday, whattaya say?
Should we be generous and give Brandon a nottadouche even though he has the cactus hair and the rayon shirt with a hint of Ed Hardy?
And is Kimmy a dainty and classy-hott milkshake of brunette ice-cream? Yes. Yes she is.
Friday, April 10, 2009Friday Haiku
Pensive Jerzy Guid,
Unhappy with older hotts,
Longs for Ed Hardy.
Dude in black is pissed!
The Wal-mart greeter told him
plastic watch pulls hotts.
— I am Jack’s kissy lips
Clothes from Goodwill Store
Face from falling down ugly tree
MILFs don’t seem to mind
— JoMama
Melons not always
round; some sag, some grow obscene
puckered douche faces.
— Captain Bringdown
Down Syndrome poses
Raccoon eyes makes kissy face
I cry at my desk
— Anon – Bender Douche
Pensive Jerzey Guid
Ponders: Am I fish or am
I man? Who can tell?
— massengill
Maze on DoucheBoy’s shirt
Begs to be solved; not with pen
Trace my path with knives
–= Douche Wayne
Jesus looks down, sad
Tells St. Peter, “I didn’t
die for this sh!t, bra.”
– Mr. White
Thursday, April 9, 2009Lauren's Close Encounter
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Hey DB1-
I just thought I should inform you of the douchebag I spotted in the wild the other day.
While driving on a rural highway on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, I spotted a bag in the car next to me. It was glorious! The hair on the top of his head was spiked straight up and at least an inch high, while the lower half of his head was shaved shiny bald. His collar was popped, and while I couldn’t see if he had Jesus bling on a necklace he did have a large cross on his mirror. It was a very cloudy day, but he was wearing sunglasses anyway. He looked rather large and muscle-y as well.
He wasn’t sporting the 10 degree hat tilt, but I think that’s only because he was driving a Honda Hatchback and a hat wouldn’t fit into the car with him. And there was no hott in the car either.
I wish I had a picture to back this up, but I thought that not crashing my own car was a superior alternative to getting the picture. I will, however, keep my eyes open for the elusive wild ‘bag – it would seem that even when they don’t have anyone to douche around with and wouldn’t be caught dead driving that car near a club with hotts, they still manage to be a complete DB.
-Lauren
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I’d say nice work Lauren, but since you didn’t get a pic, I’ll just say that your ‘bag antennae were well tuned, and your email was enjoyable. Every time a girl writes in with an email ‘tag, my jubblies get happy hap. Even if there was no capture of the event.
So to go with this email, here’s a random picture of douche and suckle torso.
Thursday, April 9, 2009Lauren’s Close Encounter
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Hey DB1-
I just thought I should inform you of the douchebag I spotted in the wild the other day.
While driving on a rural highway on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, I spotted a bag in the car next to me. It was glorious! The hair on the top of his head was spiked straight up and at least an inch high, while the lower half of his head was shaved shiny bald. His collar was popped, and while I couldn’t see if he had Jesus bling on a necklace he did have a large cross on his mirror. It was a very cloudy day, but he was wearing sunglasses anyway. He looked rather large and muscle-y as well.
He wasn’t sporting the 10 degree hat tilt, but I think that’s only because he was driving a Honda Hatchback and a hat wouldn’t fit into the car with him. And there was no hott in the car either.
I wish I had a picture to back this up, but I thought that not crashing my own car was a superior alternative to getting the picture. I will, however, keep my eyes open for the elusive wild ‘bag – it would seem that even when they don’t have anyone to douche around with and wouldn’t be caught dead driving that car near a club with hotts, they still manage to be a complete DB.
-Lauren
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I’d say nice work Lauren, but since you didn’t get a pic, I’ll just say that your ‘bag antennae were well tuned, and your email was enjoyable. Every time a girl writes in with an email ‘tag, my jubblies get happy hap. Even if there was no capture of the event.
So to go with this email, here’s a random picture of douche and suckle torso.
