HCwDB
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Friday, June 4, 2010
Mopey's Neck
Don’t look now, but Shia LaBouf just decoded Mopey’s neck to determine where Optimus Prime hid Michael Bay’s harem.
That’s right, bitches.
Transformers references.
Because it’s early. And references to Slavoj Žižek’s nearly opaque use of Lacan to position the garish neck tatt as an ahistorical signifying phantasm of societal trauma, yet neither fully linguistic nor semiotic, just ain’t flowin’. Thankfully Ass Pear is on the way.
Or, as Jacques Derrida once noted, “Ass Pear is neither ass, nor pear, but something fully real at the moment its différance renders it incapable of grasping in the here and now, and only on the butty butt.”
Friday, June 4, 2010Mopey’s Neck
Don’t look now, but Shia LaBouf just decoded Mopey’s neck to determine where Optimus Prime hid Michael Bay’s harem.
That’s right, bitches.
Transformers references.
Because it’s early. And references to Slavoj Žižek’s nearly opaque use of Lacan to position the garish neck tatt as an ahistorical signifying phantasm of societal trauma, yet neither fully linguistic nor semiotic, just ain’t flowin’. Thankfully Ass Pear is on the way.
Or, as Jacques Derrida once noted, “Ass Pear is neither ass, nor pear, but something fully real at the moment its différance renders it incapable of grasping in the here and now, and only on the butty butt.”
Thursday, June 3, 2010Lacrossebags At The Prom
No, Bryan and Pete, it doesn’t make you “quirky” and eccentric.
No, it doesn’t impress Kelly.
Now take that crap off, and good luck at U. Mass next year.
Thursday, June 3, 2010Maria Gets Fondled at Coney Island
Oh, Maria. Must you let Nathan try to poke you with his hotdog on the boardwalk during this post Memorial Day transition into summer’s muggy evenings?
Must you indulge this suburban wigga’s faux “badass” boob grab? His rubbing up uponst your hindquarters like a cracked up sheepdog on Xanax?
His tatts may say “rebel,” but his pay stub says “night shift at Carl’s Jr.”
Please stop letting him fondle.
Thursday, June 3, 2010Mitch: Gangsta of Connecticut (And Part Time Employee at the Gas-n-Go)
Well, Michelle, I suppose that’s one way to remove Mitch’s infected gall bladder.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010Benny the Roadie Choadie
Count the douche signifiers on Benny:
Duck-bill hat tilt + mandana on forehead. Six pound watch. “Rocker” hand gesture. Chin-pube dribble flying like a Gerber Baby in mid death rattle.
Watch as Benny pulls his “I’m with the band” game on Patricia.
Patricia gives off that seductive, “I’ll spank your bare bottom with a half chewed Fruit Roll-Up while you scream out ‘Surrender Dorothy!,’ then watch Adult Swim with you until you pass out in a puddle of drool on my Hello Kitty pillow” vibe.
And I approve of just such a sequence.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010London Bridge is Spreading Communicable Diseases
London Bridge is Spreading Communicable Diseases,
Spreading Communicable Diseases,
Spreading Communicable Diseases,
London Bridge is Spreading Communicable Diseases,
My itchy leggy.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010Rachel Orders a Pineapple Head
When Rachel finally managed to ditch her parents by the Siegfried & Roy exhibit, snuck out back by the pool area and asked for a “Pineapple Head” drink off the menu at the Sands, this wasn’t quite what she expected.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010Lenny's Midlife Crisis
Because, for Lenny, that was just one P.T.A. meeting too many. It was time to throw it all away. Start from scratch. Reinvent himself.
As a naked gladiator.
Meanwhile, Paulina asks herself if leaving Dusseldorf really was worth it in the end.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010Lenny’s Midlife Crisis
Because, for Lenny, that was just one P.T.A. meeting too many. It was time to throw it all away. Start from scratch. Reinvent himself.
As a naked gladiator.
Meanwhile, Paulina asks herself if leaving Dusseldorf really was worth it in the end.
