HCwDB
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Monday, February 2, 2009
Sheena, Leopard Hott of the Jungle
Oh and look! Sheena brought her pet orange, Fruffles!
Yeah, the DB1 is making no sense on this Monday whatsoever. The coffee didn’t kick in. And then I had a mini microwave bowl of Annie’s Mac and Cheese I bought at Trader Joes. And it was tasty.
But then I got kinda dizzy. So I ate some Joe-Joes.
And then half a bottle of Archer Farm’s Blood Orange Soda.
And now everything looks shiny and orange and with stupid yellow fwip-hair.
But at least there’s leopard booty.
Monday, February 2, 2009The Skidmark
The Skidmark says, “Vote in the HCwDB of the Month or I won’t shave the tire tread!”
Better listen to him, Kimmy. He’s serious.
Monday, February 2, 2009HCwDB of the Month
Booya! Bring it. Like an overhyped sporting event designed to sell Dreamworks movies and soda products, here’s your finalists for the HCwDB of the Month:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Sir Sucks-a-Lot
He sucks. A lot.
And Talor Dayne Chicka is all that’s tasty in Timbuktu.
In a first here at HCwDB, Sir Sucks-a-Lot not only pulled enough residual douche from last November to win the first HCwDB of the Week in 2009, but less than two weeks later, won another HCwDB of the Week disguised as Studs Urkel.
That’s some righteous (wrongteous) game to bring to the Monthly.
With two different quality hotts and two equally rank, yet equally distinct, variations of scrotal fungus, Sucks-a-Lot will be tough to beat.
But he’s no shoo-in either.
The competition is tough this month. And Sir Sucks-a-Lot will need all his game to win the Monthly.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: The Ghoulbag
The Ghoulbag is important because the combo Rockerbag + Emobag needs more highlighting on this site.
And by highlighting, I mean mocking for faux-“toughness.”
The three Party Girls are delightfully sweet, if not the traditional hottness we’ve come to know and oogle.
But they are definitely shoulder suckle worthy.
And he is wearing two belts.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: ‘Bag Bats Maru
Paid to Pose?
Perhaps.
All sorts of freaky-deaky iconic hottie/douchey wrongness?
No doubt.
Dig the smoking jacket and bling overload on ‘Bag Bats Maru. And Playboy Bunny artificial inflation don’t hide the genetic attributes of Midwestern Bunny Hott.
He may be a jewelry designer of some kind, but that doesn’t excuse bringing some creepy-ass choadyness to the party.
For that, and for Sir Mix-a-Lot’s forfeiture of his 2nd Weekly, ‘Bag Bats made it to the Finals.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Sharpie Ringworm
Another pic that is gimmicky, yet still authentically hottie/douchey mock-worthy.
Gimmick pics, like Acey-Douchey, can still carry a scrotewank a decent distance provided the douchitude eminates and the hott is suitably tasty.
This assclown actually drew rings on his face and neck area in a desperate cry for attention. And the chest shave / reveal combo is spew.
Burka Mid-Eastern Cutie has a bizarrro mix of designer sunglasses, some form of unidentifiable head-garb, and absolutely suck-worthy teeth.
Polished, buffed and with a clean shine.
They’re like the Jet-Dry dishwashing liquid of teeth.
And if that makes no sense, it’s only because I’m hungover and smell like socks.
So them’s your four finalists for HCwDB of the Month. I can’t do it without you. I need your vote to select one of these pics as the first pic to make it to the 2009 HCwDB of the Year in December at the Douchie Awards.
Which’ll it be? That’s up to you.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Monday, February 2, 2009Congrats to the Pittsburgh Steelers
You may be Superbowl Champs, but your kicker’s still a douche.
Frolix in the Parking Lot
In parking lots across the far-off lands of the Dirty Jerz, when The Superbowl is over, and there is no party to go to, and no hotts to hit on, the douchebags frolic.
WARNING #1: No Hotts, only sexually confused Jerz Douches dancing and humping.
WARNING #2: See Warning #1. No Hotts to counterbalance the pain. If you can’t take it, do not watch. HCwDB is not responsible for what you do to yourself after witnessing this clip.
WARNING #3: For those with brave constitutions, the Lacrosse Dance at 2:00 and the Deep Throating of a Pickle at 2:20 are both hilarious. Heck this whole thing is like a lost Fellini masterpiece by way of Jackass.
Saturday, January 31, 2009Ask DB1: The "Southern California Blazer"
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Dear DB1,
I had some questions regarding the “Southern California Blazer”.
By “Southern California Blazer”, I mean a classy business blazer, paired with a gaudy, gold speckled Ed Hardy shirt or no shirt at all. I have been trying wrap my head around this, because they look so professional in the office but are so uncomfortable.
So my theory is that if you are wearing a blazer in southern-California or as these chodewanks might say “So-Cal” and are not comfortable and probably work a cell phone kiosk which requires no blazer, are you automatically a douche? I would say yes, but do not want to jump to conclusions without the rule being made official by you, Mr. DB1.
Sincerely,
Alpha Chode
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Yes, Alpha Chode, and good call. Auto stage-2 ‘bag violation.
And, on an unrelated note, pink satin boobies make babies do the happy dance.
Saturday, January 31, 2009Ask DB1: The “Southern California Blazer”
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Dear DB1,
I had some questions regarding the “Southern California Blazer”.
By “Southern California Blazer”, I mean a classy business blazer, paired with a gaudy, gold speckled Ed Hardy shirt or no shirt at all. I have been trying wrap my head around this, because they look so professional in the office but are so uncomfortable.
So my theory is that if you are wearing a blazer in southern-California or as these chodewanks might say “So-Cal” and are not comfortable and probably work a cell phone kiosk which requires no blazer, are you automatically a douche? I would say yes, but do not want to jump to conclusions without the rule being made official by you, Mr. DB1.
Sincerely,
Alpha Chode
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Yes, Alpha Chode, and good call. Auto stage-2 ‘bag violation.
And, on an unrelated note, pink satin boobies make babies do the happy dance.
Saturday, January 31, 2009Toronto Poo Jay
Toronto Poo Jay knows that nothin’ says “bad-ass” while posing in front of the Space Needle quite like arm-hooking your lady with a stoagie in one hand and a “Shocker” in the other.
Except, of course, the chin strap + faux.
Which means you’re not just cool. You’re ubercool.
Friday, January 30, 2009Friday Thoughts and Links
Here’s your Friday links as Hall of Scrote legend Xenu poses with a Blonde in a shower stall:
In case you had any doubt left about the faux-humble poseur doucheface John Meyer, let there be no more.
The Brit-Chick who dumped Prince Harry is orange
Reader The Douchefather notes that HCwDB can be seen in the work of British pre-Raphaelite painter John Everett Millais (1829-1896)
Richard Grieco, Typhoid Mary of the Grieco Virus, has “Gone Country.” (and lets just pretend George Clinton was not in that clip)
2008 Douchie Winner The Blowfish is now immortalized as Pop Art.
When you’re as iconic as Kettlehead, you don’t need a Halloween costume.
Even the squirrels are turning themselves orange.
And finally, props to the team at Robot Chicken for the absolutely genius, Le Wrath di Khan. Well played, animation guys.
Go forth and drink, fellow ‘bag Hunters and Huntresses. And may all your wine be fortified.
Friday, January 30, 2009Butt Soft!
What glute through yonder window breaks?
It’s the Far East, and Juliet has a great ass.
