HCwDB
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Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Butthead
Four cheeks, one log.
Yeah, this isn’t my classiest or most erudite post, but in my defense, butts and ‘bags squashed together have a certain low-rent aesthetic poetry.
Sort of the HCwDB equivalent of a Velvet Elvis or Dogs Playing Poker.
Monday, January 19, 2009Your Monday "WTF?"
‘Bag Bats Maru wants to see if you’ve voted in the HCwDB of the Week.
If not, he’ll bite your neck off.
Monday, January 19, 2009Your Monday “WTF?”
‘Bag Bats Maru wants to see if you’ve voted in the HCwDB of the Week.
If not, he’ll bite your neck off.
Monday, January 19, 2009Tag This 'Bag
Confused Ron Livingston with the shaved and greased pigeon chest (except for freedom trail), the smug expression in presence of Hoochie Hotts, and key necklace brings up an important question:
What brand on the douchological tree does this turd fall?
He’s not a DJ-Bag. He’s not a musclebag. He’s not a Guidobag or Jerz poo.
Help me out.
Tag this ‘bag in the comments thread.
And boobies.
EDIT:
3rd Place: The Assasination of Jessie and Jamie by the Douchebag Robert Ford. — Crucial Head
2nd Place: JibJab ‘Bag — Douchelexic
Winner: The Bagcidental Whorist — wonkydouchey
Tag This ‘Bag
Confused Ron Livingston with the shaved and greased pigeon chest (except for freedom trail), the smug expression in presence of Hoochie Hotts, and key necklace brings up an important question:
What brand on the douchological tree does this turd fall?
He’s not a DJ-Bag. He’s not a musclebag. He’s not a Guidobag or Jerz poo.
Help me out.
Tag this ‘bag in the comments thread.
And boobies.
EDIT:
3rd Place: The Assasination of Jessie and Jamie by the Douchebag Robert Ford. — Crucial Head
2nd Place: JibJab ‘Bag — Douchelexic
Winner: The Bagcidental Whorist — wonkydouchey
Abe Stinkin'
Four score and eighty Red Bulls ago, our forefathers still thought this guy sucked.
Abe Stinkin’
Four score and eighty Red Bulls ago, our forefathers still thought this guy sucked.
White Boy Frank from Tennessee
Gold rope ‘bling, gangsta stare, some tasty girl-next-door Chocolate Luv on your arm and the Lando Calrissian slick back ‘fro, all still won’t change the fact you’re White Boy Frank from Tennessee, White Boy Frank from Tennessee.
HCwDB of the Week
Another tough week to cull down to three finalists. But I went with three unique pairings, each one bringing a certain pooey je ne sais quaff to the table. All three of these couplings are worthy of anonymous internet mocking.
But which one shall rise? That, fellow hunters and huntresses, is up to you.
Here’s your hottie/douchey finalists of the week:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Studs Urkel
Appearing last Monday, this rank pairing of exotic Cleopatra bikini hott and a festering pile of camel poop was somewhat overlooked. As such I urge another round of contemplation here in the Weekly.
First’s there’s Cleopatra. A more than adequate serving of the hott on a bikini platter. She has the dainty eyes and delicate flower touch of soft skin cocoa butter cremes and tasty chocolate mousse in a fancy hotel restaurant.
Second, there’s the innovative Tri-Jesus-Bling cap at requisite 10 degree tilt.
And, finally, there’s the creepy weird abstract art facial hair that looks like a kitten fell into a Cuisinart.
Add it up, you have baby diaper.
Used baby diaper.
Pooey baby diaper.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Oily Bohunk
While not as overtly scrotey as some of the other pics, I’ve included O.B. for the reminder that the proper HCwDB pic is when the douche is so scrotey, and the hott so sweet, that the dialectic becomes the projection of our selves in a psychological sense.
Looking at Trent and Jocelyn, and you feel a thousand years of collective societal trauma in one douche-face.
And do not doubt that Bohunk is douche. Note the tighty-t and rosarie beads. And hair spike like one of those magnetic experiments with metal shavings you did in 5th grade.
As such, Trent the Bohunk becomes more than the sum of his hair-spike.
He’s one half of a proper hottie/douchey dialectic.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: ‘Bag Bats Maru aka Your Sunday “WTF?”
Yes, she’s PTP. And yes, he’s a creepy, apparently famous designer of some kind. Normally on those two counts alone I’d dismiss the pic as a publicity stunt and move on to the next.
But this pic is just too confusing.
Too genius.
Too absolutely bizarre not to run.
‘Bag Bats Maru, complete with widows peak and grillz, is just too damn douchey not to want to smack with a dead halibut.
And Bunny Hott has all the right curves and an innocent wholesome midwestern smile.
But does the PTP nature hurt the hottie/douchey commingling? Possibly. But sometimes ya gotta make an exception for a pic this confusingly scrotey.
That is where you come in. Which of these three pics most embodies the hott and scrote in coupling formation? Which rises (sinks?) enough to proclaim the title of HCwDB of the Week?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, January 18, 2009DJ Bello Finds a Most Favorite Girllllll
Watch for the brilliant use of French New-Wave aesthetics, the Ed Hardy Pigeon Poop Hat, creepy Betabag-on-Couch, and, of course, the wide-eyed innocence of the legendary dance king, DJ Bello.
(warning: adequate hott but brain-melting audio track. HCwDB takes no responsibility for seizures, vomiting, or extreme itchiness after viewing)
