HCwDB
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Tuesday, January 13, 2009
It Takes Two
Okay, enough of the orange dudes. They’re starting to freak me out like a bizarre Fanta ad gone hyper-glo douche.
Instead, lets mock the classic West Coast Upstate California Small Town Rocker Douche, a stage-2 rocker ‘bag with fwippy faux and dating a…
AIEEEEE!!
THE ORANGE!! IT’S SPREADING!!
And by spreading, I mean boobs.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009Orange Poolius
We’ve often wondered what happens to a hott when she spends too many hours Bleething under the scrotal-lamp of douchal projection.
Like Violet Beauregarde before her, Redfacia Crimsonflushe has become what she beheld.
And like the Bible’s Hosea after taking Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, by knowing her in the lands of grape, she remarks with shame, “I am poo.”
Monday, January 12, 2009Schmuck L'Orange
When she was a girl, daddy never warned her about the Orange Man.
Schmuck L’Orange
When she was a girl, daddy never warned her about the Orange Man.
Studs Urkel
Because sometimes having just one cross stitched on your felt 10 degree cap tilt just isn’t enough.
Monday, January 12, 2009No More "Caption This Pic" Aquarium Bag
Fishbag writes in:
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Subject: Lawsuit-erase my picture
Hello,
On January 9th, 2009 a photo was published and posted to your website. I would like this photo removed IMMEDIATELY before i get my lawyer involved. I am a professional model and this picture was not authorized to be posted.
Please email me back with confirmation regarding this issue. It is the picture of a blonde girl (my best friend) and me on front of an aquarium under the Jan 9 2009 column. If you need proof that it is me, i will put my information below and message you on myspace as well.
Take care and hope this issue gets resolved a.s.a.p
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I certainly would not want to upset a professional modeling career.
And yes, I would like to supersize my filet-o-fish meal. Thank you for asking.
Monday, January 12, 2009No More “Caption This Pic” Aquarium Bag
Fishbag writes in:
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Subject: Lawsuit-erase my picture
Hello,
On January 9th, 2009 a photo was published and posted to your website. I would like this photo removed IMMEDIATELY before i get my lawyer involved. I am a professional model and this picture was not authorized to be posted.
Please email me back with confirmation regarding this issue. It is the picture of a blonde girl (my best friend) and me on front of an aquarium under the Jan 9 2009 column. If you need proof that it is me, i will put my information below and message you on myspace as well.
Take care and hope this issue gets resolved a.s.a.p
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I certainly would not want to upset a professional modeling career.
And yes, I would like to supersize my filet-o-fish meal. Thank you for asking.
Monday, January 12, 2009HCwDB of the Week
A surprisingly tough week to cull down to three finalists, as we had a nice and varied cross-section of scrote/hott to choose from. But cull I did, and by cull I mean mock, and by boobies I mean tatines. Here are your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Ghoulbag
Because his is an important subsection of douchescrotery, and far different than standard East Coast Jerz Poo or West Coast Mandana “Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray” grease, we should note it.
By which I mean laugh at his tough, faux-gangsta face, then steal Kimmy, Kelly and Katharine when he’s in the bathroom re-applying his eyeliner.
Note the “double-rock” hand gesture. Swingy Jesus Bling.
And, as a number of commenters noted, the rare “double-belt that is the same belt in which even one of these belts would be douchey, but two is uber-pooey.” And pink, only semi-opaque, sun-dresses make the baby Krishna dance.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Gun Swinger
While “Hello Titty” was a popular suggestion, I’m going with the more accurate tag of “The Gun Swinger” to explain this bizarre confluence of kabuki gangsta and enhanced boobie.
But yes, the pink “Hello Kitty” biker gloves are sheer genius.
The dual chin pubes, greasy in the extreme.
The question is does Gun Swinger inspire rage?
I’m not sure. I’d like to see him mocked, but part of me thinks he might be a hilarious guy to have a beer with. Therefore his cohabitation with this enhanced, perky, extremely Bleethed hott, does not rankle. Still, they are finalist material, if for no other reason than boobies.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: A Clockwork Orange
Can a Eurodouche Droog take the weekly on the sheer force of shoe-polish orange euroscrotery?
That is the question, me brothers.
Clockwork has no hand gestures. Little bling. Very little outward signs of faux-masculine tough talking asswankery. Yet he is uber-douche with both Orange Tan and the infamous “Mark of the ‘Bag” on his forehead.
Veruca is perky, sweet, confused innocence. I would swat her bottom and send her home without supper.
So them’s your three.
Which combination of douche and hott is most noxious enough to get ripped off by VH1 after a meeting, drained of wit, and produced without a credit nor payment? Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, January 11, 2009Wheatstalks And The Search for the Golden Leaf
2008 Douchie Winner, the legendary Wheatstalks, wanted to dropy by and smell like poo on this lazy Sunday.
Although the Stalks are wilting a bit there, Wheat. Might need to harvest early this season.
As to Golden Leaf Blonde Princess Hott, yes please, with a side order of cole slaw, some chicken fat for dipping, and a Dr. Brown’s Cel-Ray.
Saturday, January 10, 2009A Clockwork Orange
Being the adventures of a young man whose principal interests are backgammon, bike riding, and minstrel orange-face.
