HCwDB
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Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The Shark Begrudgingly Nods his Mo’ at Lint Diesel
“You’ve proven your pudwackery in service of hott chasing, Lint Diesel. But I will bring assorted quality hotts, and ridiculous douche-head to the next Weekly. So be warned. For I am human walking herp sore.”
The gel-head crown does not rest easy. There are challengers around every club corner.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010The Shark Begrudgingly Nods his Mo' at Lint Diesel
“You’ve proven your pudwackery in service of hott chasing, Lint Diesel. But I will bring assorted quality hotts, and ridiculous douche-head to the next Weekly. So be warned. For I am human walking herp sore.”
The gel-head crown does not rest easy. There are challengers around every club corner.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010Celebrity HCwDB of the Month: Emmy Rossum and Adam Something Or Other
Twenty four year old actress hottie Emmy Rossum is the latest prime celebuhott to be mug fondled by aging, portly talent-lacking rocker hipster douchus, the not really famous non-icon of the Clinton years, Adam Duritz.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Who’s Adam Duritz?
Yes. The answer to the question Who’s Adam Duritz is “Yes.” For the question is its own answer, as the Daoist Monks have tried to teach us.
Back before 9/11, America was lazy and bored, and listened to blankly generic slacker crap by bands like “Hootie and the Blowfish” and “Counting Crows.”
Adam Duritz may or may not have been involved in one of these bands.
And while it’s true that the man’s run through quality Hollywood hottsicles in the 90s was legendary, so was his serious commitment to rank clownbaggery.
No “Rockstar Leniency Rule” at work here. The man is mockworthy uber-choad. And Rossum is semitic librarian hottness.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010Notes From the Front
Your humble narrator is still in New York. On a reconnaissance mission. Wandering the streets like Paul Hackett trying to find Marcy to acquire that plaster of paris bagel and cream cheese paperweight.
Being this close to the Axis of Weevils (New Jersey, Long Island, Staten Island) means I can closer track the latest permutations of the Grieco Virus.
The Jerz Guid has definitely become more muted. But the signs are still there.
Irony and comedy have become incorporated into the performative peacocking meant to dazzle the hottie, but the markers are otherwise the same.
No more collar pop and much less Jesus Bling, but Ed Hardy, hair spike and hat tilt continue.
We must be ever vigilant. The war on ‘bag is not remotely over.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010Star Blazer
My god… It’s full of choad….
Tuesday, May 25, 2010Europeans, Teenagers and Shoe Polish
Some days I just should’ve stayed in bed.
Or punched a kitten in the nadsack as existential retribution for the God that isn’t.
Either one.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010Manuel's Chin Fung Ruins My Morning
I woke up this morning feeling pretty good.
I had my morning cup of iced Gaelic Coffee, which I drink out of a polished bronze boot I once stole off a French dock worker.
I went out back by the reflecting pools, sheared the shetlands, and donated the hides to a young Maori returning from walkabout.
Then I walked through the poppy fields down to the lodge, where I changed the filtration system in the humidor to move the azaleas to the lunar cycle.
Yup. All in all, a good morning.
And then I saw Manuel’s Chin Fung. And the five Vegas Trampy Hotts infiltrated by its alien-like tendrils.
And the whole morning just seemed like so much wasted piffle.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010Manuel’s Chin Fung Ruins My Morning
I woke up this morning feeling pretty good.
I had my morning cup of iced Gaelic Coffee, which I drink out of a polished bronze boot I once stole off a French dock worker.
I went out back by the reflecting pools, sheared the shetlands, and donated the hides to a young Maori returning from walkabout.
Then I walked through the poppy fields down to the lodge, where I changed the filtration system in the humidor to move the azaleas to the lunar cycle.
Yup. All in all, a good morning.
And then I saw Manuel’s Chin Fung. And the five Vegas Trampy Hotts infiltrated by its alien-like tendrils.
And the whole morning just seemed like so much wasted piffle.
Monday, May 24, 2010Sarah's Prom Tag
Sarah writes in with an excellent prom tag of a Tuxedo Douche:
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My best friend, Meg, is dating this guy whom i don’t really like that much. He proved his douche-iness at prom this year, with this gorgeous photo.
– Sarah
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Good catch, Sarah, as “Chad the Business School Bound Asswipe” is all sorts of underserving and annoying.
And I must add that your BFF Meg is fireworks-in-the-uvula classic shoulder gnaw worthy butt grabby operatic fondle hott.
I would hang glide naked, greased up only in chicken fat and whipped cream, through a misty Andes mountains during an electric storm just for the chance to briefly sniff the used brillo pad her great aunt Beatrice once used to scour a metallic stove.
She is delightful. And deserves better. By which I mean me, awkwardly handing her the remote after brief and vaguely unsatisfying coitus left her pensive and moody.
Monday, May 24, 2010Sarah’s Prom Tag
Sarah writes in with an excellent prom tag of a Tuxedo Douche:
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My best friend, Meg, is dating this guy whom i don’t really like that much. He proved his douche-iness at prom this year, with this gorgeous photo.
– Sarah
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Good catch, Sarah, as “Chad the Business School Bound Asswipe” is all sorts of underserving and annoying.
And I must add that your BFF Meg is fireworks-in-the-uvula classic shoulder gnaw worthy butt grabby operatic fondle hott.
I would hang glide naked, greased up only in chicken fat and whipped cream, through a misty Andes mountains during an electric storm just for the chance to briefly sniff the used brillo pad her great aunt Beatrice once used to scour a metallic stove.
She is delightful. And deserves better. By which I mean me, awkwardly handing her the remote after brief and vaguely unsatisfying coitus left her pensive and moody.
