HCwDB
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Monday, May 24, 2010
Where's Waldouche: Tonguebag Edition
Somewhere in this party pic of lovely entry level job office manager in human resources type mid 20s hotties, I’ve carefully hidden an underage Tonguey McPudwack.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Monday, May 24, 2010Where’s Waldouche: Tonguebag Edition
Somewhere in this party pic of lovely entry level job office manager in human resources type mid 20s hotties, I’ve carefully hidden an underage Tonguey McPudwack.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Monday, May 24, 2010The Shark Voted
The Shark took a moment out of pleasuring Renee with the power of his perfectly coiffed mo’ to give you a perfectly framed punch-worthy douche-face, and to vote in the HCwDB of the Week.
Have you voted yet?
The always ironic meta-critiquers at Gawker sure did.
Sunday, May 23, 2010The Proto 'Baguette: Salt 'n Pepa
We don’t spend as much time here at HCwDB charting the path of the douchebaguette’s development over the past twenty years, but perhaps we should.
This early video from what archeologists now term the KidnPlayleolithic Period serves as an important cultural artifact. Salt-n-Pepa were not full blown douchebaguette yet, but the early obnoxious strains are on full display.
As we chart the performative female’s transition from early 90s suckle thigh (Janet Jackson, Jewel, Gloria Estefan, Mariah Carey) into what we now understand as the modern douchebaguette (Kesha, Paris Hilton, Mariah Carey), this music video functions as an important cultural artifact.
This era of emergent ‘baguette would reach its nadir with the Christina Aguilera / Britney Spears whoreodontic period circa 2003 (13 A.G., After Grieco), at which point it transitions into full blown maturity.
And by maturity, I mean skank.
Sunday, May 23, 2010The Proto ‘Baguette: Salt ‘n Pepa
We don’t spend as much time here at HCwDB charting the path of the douchebaguette’s development over the past twenty years, but perhaps we should.
This early video from what archeologists now term the KidnPlayleolithic Period serves as an important cultural artifact. Salt-n-Pepa were not full blown douchebaguette yet, but the early obnoxious strains are on full display.
As we chart the performative female’s transition from early 90s suckle thigh (Janet Jackson, Jewel, Gloria Estefan, Mariah Carey) into what we now understand as the modern douchebaguette (Kesha, Paris Hilton, Mariah Carey), this music video functions as an important cultural artifact.
This era of emergent ‘baguette would reach its nadir with the Christina Aguilera / Britney Spears whoreodontic period circa 2003 (13 A.G., After Grieco), at which point it transitions into full blown maturity.
And by maturity, I mean skank.
Saturday, May 22, 2010Your Philosophic Ramble Saturday
PIC DELETED
Questions for you to ponder philosophic on this Saturday:
When we conceive of ourselves as “self,” the moment at which we draw the distinction between “I” and “you/other,” it is impossible to draw a distinction between that which we determine as “I,” and that which we intuit from the Other we imagine is perceiving us as “I.” I cannot be I without you seeing I, and therefore the determinations of both identities are inextricably linked at the moment they seem distinct. In other words, we see ourselves from Without, an imaginary stepping outside of our bodies and our perceptions that is, in actuality, from within.
But if the Other is inherently unknowable as Other, does this illusion of outside, that by definition must come from within, shatter any sense of a continuity of self, leading to a fragmented, alienated and uncanny tension of identity?
And, if so, then is this fragmentation of identity, this drawing of distinction between “I” and “Other” done through the coded act of linking in the phenomenological realm? Or is this distinct to that conscious forming tool of civiliation — language itself?
Does the act of articulation, connecting signifiers to signs like letters and words, lead only to slippage of meaning and a tension of consciousness not only hyrbrized and fragmented, but inherently false? In short, does the act of connecting consciousness to language enforce the very false constructions of distinction at the core of identity formation?
When we form our identity, our sense of self, how much is culturally constructed, how much is gender, ethnic and racially based, and how much is innate to our individual subjective variabilities?
If you kick a douche in the nads and he screams, “Grooooo!” then did a butterfly flap its wings in China?
Saturday, May 22, 2010The Shark
On this lazy Saturday afternoon, let us consider the plight of The Shark ‘Bag.
He hits on slutty hott Renee, and her two less slutty sorority sisters Karen and Abby, by donning the rocker choad clothes and tatts.
But it’s not the sheeny hawk that displays the true grout of a rank pustule. It’s the ‘tude. The “I’mma grab boobies in under five” ‘tude.
Renee’s plump and ripe fruits do not deserve to be plucked by such a termite. Instead, I bounce collector’s coins off of them as a test of their resiliency. And then I repose in her shower stall, reading Whitman and smoking a menthol.
Friday, May 21, 2010Daft Punk
“But baby, don’t think of it as a stalkery shirt! Think of it like a mirror made out of cotton.”
Friday, May 21, 2010Full Metal Bodyspray
Now that’s what I call storming the beaches of Nora and Mandy.
Friday, May 21, 2010Friday Haiku
Lohan on Twitter,
Parties with pudwacks at Cannes,
Crotch itch spreads like fleas.
Rave just gets started:
Axe, poo stench soon permeate
Stack’s parents’ rec room
— Wheezer
Basement in Belfast
Contains a halloween whore
And Depeche Commode
— Anthony LaBaglia
hair flows, open shirt
high hip leg hole panty pose
sees only douche naval
— Claude Douchenburg
Not quite “heroin
chick.” It’s more like meth and Red
Bull diarrhea.
— Sergeant Scrote Stain
Long haired posing Brit
Wants Parliament; asks for “fag”
Douche calls for rent boy
— Horace Dangleballs
Those thighs haven’t seen
sunlight in years. Donkey jizz
has high SPF.
— Bagnonymous
Chad the douche savant
Has never lost a game of
minesweeper. Not one.
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Lindsay is a skank.
Chain smoking baseball bat legs.
The herp is strong here.
-Amerigo Vesdouchey
