HCwDB
-
Monday, November 3, 2008
HCwDB of the Week
The last Weekly before the last Monthly before the 2008 Douchies. My scrotundae is tingling with excitement. Or that could be the Man Junk I just sprayed on it.
Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Brian Earlicker and Lila’s Alzadoes
Props to doucheous scrotimus, who nicknamed this football blocking skeezebag, and to don’t wheeze the douche!, whose run of ‘bag mocking domination continues with nicknaming Lila.
There is little more to add to this toxic swirl of MILFy hottness and creepy ear licking rosarie necklace wearing douche.
You just know this guys begins, and ends, each sentence with “Yo.”
Yo, dig my zebra shorts, yo.
Earlicker made a second appearance in the Friday Haiku, here. And Lila’s enticing bunny tatt, suggests happy trails and soft skin.
Who says you can’t be hot over 35? Lila may not be a spring doe, but she’s a summer deer. Yes, please.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Fist of Power
Shazam!!
Wonder Douche Power, Activate!!
Never underestimate the short dude with the giant white belt to bust some douche near a Nordic Aryan Model Hott.
Would she spank me with a large rubber paddle for disobeying curfew?
Perhaps she would report me to the Kommandant.
But I would forgive her.
For her hips are strong and crushworthy, and could bear many children with blonde hair and blue eyes.
So I grovel meekly.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Homies in Da Boutique Hotel Lobby
I simply direct your attention to the fact Homie #1 shaves his armpits.
I repeat.
He shaves his armpits.
Contrast the Homies and their douchey behavior with the pure, innocent snowflake Eurohotts, and you have proper hottie/douchey toxicity.
It goes to eleven.
And Svenga from Belarus brings a second Eurohott to the table in this week’s Weekly.
But, lest I keep babbling, I turn it over to you. Which of these three pics contains enough hott/douche dynamics to earn your vote for the Weekly?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, November 2, 2008HCwDB Halloween Contest
The HCwDB Halloween Contest will be taking submissions through Tuesday, so if you or your loved one dressed up as a hott/douche, send in a pic and you could win…
A New Car!!
Okay, no. That would cost money. But I am giving away an autographed copy of my book.
Speaking of hotts dressing up for Halloween, here’s Elizabeth Banks mentioning the site on The Tonight Show.(approx 20 min. in)
Or watch it cued up on Hulu here.
Ah, Miri. I would be your Zach. And we would, uhm, make a porno.
Dammit. That sexual euphemism metaphor just collapsed in a heap of literality.
Sunday, November 2, 2008Sunday Reader Mail: The Hippie 'Bag
—-
Dear DB1-
There really aren’t too many douche’s where I’m from, but I have noticed something else strange. There are a lot of “hippies”. Not the 1970’s peace, love, and pot hippies; a strange modern day douchey version.
They wear a s@#tload of tie-dye, they spend a lotta money to buy a bunch of clothing made out of hemp, they have 50 dollar haircuts, but dress like they just crawled out of Woodstock. In their pictures they throw on a smug grin and throw up a cocky peace sign. Not to mention you can tell they only listen to three music groups. Led Zeppelin, Greatful Dead, and any band with “band” in its’ name (Dave Matthews Band, etc.).
So, even though I am a newcomer to douche hunting, I would like your opinion on this, is there such a thing as a hippie douche?
Good night and good luck,
Captain Canada
—-
Ah yes, the Hippie ‘Bag, aka Burning ‘Bag, aka the Woodscrote.
People who think Bob Dylan is this elusive mystery wrapped in an enigma traveling through nostalgic yesteryear on the wave of ambiguous poetic reflection. Uhm, no. The dude is a creepy old guy who wrote some good songs.
Hippie ‘Bags live in a weird amalgam of nostalgia reprocessed through mass media repackaging and sold back to them at premium. Like the Punkbag, their form may be a variation on standard Jerz Guid, but the slippage of meaning underneath the codes of their dress betray the co-opted vacuousness at work within their purchased identity.
So, to answer your question, yes. There are Hippie ‘Bags. And they are poo.
Saturday, November 1, 2008Metaphysical Hooligan Saturday
The Metaphysical Hooligan and Carly Hott first appeared on the site back in June. Their rank hottie/douchey dialectic made an immediate impact.
Without realizing it, I ran a second pic of this uber-hott/uber-douche couple about a week later. Then, on Friday, I ran yet another pic of this fester-sore, calling it “The Scarecrow.”
Why did I keep forgetting the previous appearance of so distinct a hottie/douchey coupling?
My subconscious.
It is refusing to process the utterly spew-worthy mugging taking place.
But I cannot deny the truth of this toxic coupling. I must witness the sweet girl underneath that douchebaguette infection. And we all must witness the stupid-ass ginormous mandana, the white belt, the black armband, and, of course, the nip-ring.
For it is poo.
Saturday, November 1, 2008Miri is a Hot Chick
Special thanks to uber-sexy and luscious blonde paprika hott Elizabeth Banks, who plugged HCwDB on The Tonight Show last night. Pictured here with renowned Bostonbag, Biz Markie.
Ah, Mrs. Banks. I would read you Balzac by waxen candle light, then lightly spray non-stick Pam Cooking Spray on your ankles to better rub my thighs upon them. I would chew through a sea of congealed agar with only my cunning and a small flashlight to guide me just for the chance to fondle the fishnet stockings you discarded after dressing up as one of the Moulin Rouge singers in 2002.
Friday, October 31, 2008Friday Thoughts and Links: Halloween Edition
Some random thoughts as I get my Logan Five Sandman costume ready for Halloween and reflect on King Douchuous the IV (pictured here) and his well deserved place in our hallowed Hall of Scrote.
Future 2008 Douchie winner DJ Bello continues to waste time on YouTube. This time in a Clockwork Orange flat on the outskirts of London, apparently. As usual, no hotts anywhere to be seen.
Ben Baller is the King of ‘Bling. And yes, that’s the same guy that was in Monday’s Double Crosser pic.
Dear Annie: Why does Axe Bodyspray make me sick?
Peyton List. Mad Men may have finished for the season, but you and I have not. You are my twinkie sunshine. Marry me, then divorce me, kitten.
High School Douchical 3! It just makes me want to jump up and sing and dance like an elfin muppet whose testes have yet to drop!
Friday, October 31, 2008Happy Halloween!!
Ah, Halloween. When hot chicks have a socially approved excuse to dress slutty. And douchebags spend one night blending into the crowd.
Don’t forget, if you or your loved one dress up as a scrotewank/hot-chick combo this Halloween, especially as anyone from our hallowed Hall of Scrote, send in a pic.
I’m giving away a signed copy of my book to the best hottie/douchey Halloween coupling.
I was going to offer a large cash prize. But then I realized the high cost of boobies.
Friday, October 31, 2008The Scarecrow
Happy Hallowe….!!
Oh wait. This is real.
My Candy Corns feel tainted.
EDIT: Props to don’t wheeze the douche! who figured out that The Scarecrow is actually HCwDB of the Month Winner The Metaphysical Hooligan.
Adding fuel to the fire with yet another pic of Carly Hott, TMH is making a strong case for, dare I say it… HCwDB of the Year?
Friday, October 31, 2008Czech Please
HCwDB reader Mitchell snapped this pic in The Czech Republic last week.
This is not dress-up. This is an authentic hottie/douchey coupling of uber-annoyance. In Prague.
Oh, how we weep for the land of Bohemia, the birth place of Kafka, Kundera and so many really hot porn stars.
The jewel of Europe, the city on the river where Mozart once premiered Don Giovanni, now features scrotewanks and Bleethed hotts.
Woe. ‘Tis lame. Aye.
Friday, October 31, 2008Friday Haiku
Boris mugs Elayne,
Brothabag Darren just wants wine,
Laughs at dumb honkies.
Brian Earlicker
Moves on to younger brunette
Leaves her mom behind
— don’t wheeze the douche!
Usher gropes tat hott
Tyson sips his chardonnay
he is unimpressed
— douche mcallister
I will cleanse her bod
Gently, with alcohol wipes,
Then go buckwild
— mr. white
Fair Ophelia
Nymph, thy question ’tis clear, to
Douche, or not to Douche
— jean claude van douche
happy halloween
to my fellow ‘bag slayers.
our work’s important.
– pfah
