HCwDB
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Friday, August 22, 2008
Reader Mail: Busted at Work
SD writes in:
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Just thought you might be interested to know that my boss just crept up to my desk as I was taking my daily hcwdb break and totally busted me as I was choad-mocking/ hott-lusting.
His words: “What are you doing? That’s what your home computer is for. I’m just giving career advice”.
My response: “(pause) It’s like reading the news.”
SD
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I consider time spent at HCwDB during the work day to be informative, enlightening, bowel movement accelerating and generally a step towards a higher spiritual consciousness. To render visible the real in the truest Kantian sense.
In other words, your boss is a douche.
Friday, August 22, 2008The Scrotey Mariner Hooks Again
Yes, Mariner. You’ve hooked another one.
And she is a delightful fruit of sweet, sensuous pleasures that drip down the chin in bursts of sweet flavor. Inspiration that cries out for angels to tread upon the high Amazonian winds of delight, inspires birds to sing melodies through the forest in complimentary harmonic convergence, and, uhm, has nice boobies.
Friday, August 22, 2008Friday Haiku
Rocker Choad Salt Lick,
“Mmm, tatts taste just like chicken!”
Boob stars not amused.
Rocker hott gets licked,
By cheeseball “Billy Joe” douche
Good Charlotte sucks balls
— Maximus Douchemus Meridius
strap the douchebag down
Play checkers on head with hotts
King me star boobies
— the douche is alright
Chad’s new Ninja skill:
Guide a BB through tatt maze
On a stripper’s flank.
— darksock
two hotts in background
discuss third world poverty,
and waxing techniques
— johnny scrotten
Are you my mummy?
Hotts in background not eager
For their turn is next.
— holbrooks douchestershire sauce
Thursday, August 21, 2008School of Fish
That’s right. More Slap.
Slap with his posse.
Take it.
It is your penance for passivity in a world gone wrist-tatt.
Thursday, August 21, 2008White Chocolate Scoffs
Hall of Scrote legend White Chocolate scoffs at Fish Slap’s claim to douchal supremacy.
White Chocolate easily proves his own ability to snag sexy Quartasian hottness while maintaining chin-strap facial pubes and an ass-chin shaped like a soggy bagel.
Thursday, August 21, 2008Primordial Ooze
Like two primordial swamp amphibians, they crawl awkwardly up from the festering swamplands of early recombinant cellular waters, to climb ashore and seek sustenance in the harsh, unforgiving sun.
Millions of years of evolution later, and they can finally make matching douche-faces.
Quartasian Hotts find themselves drawn to the Ooze like moths to a flame.
A flame of douchepoo.
Thursday, August 21, 2008Societal Fish Slap
There are only a handful of uberdouche in the presence of high quality hott that have risen to iconic status here at HCwDB. Maybe five or six total.
An HCwDB of the Month winner and a finalist for the 2007 Douchie Award for HCwDB of the Year, Fish Slap is a true legend in scrotal fungitude. A kick in the groin to 7,000 years of social, intellectual and spiritual development.
Now we see the latest Slap developments. The head bandage triage. The chin strap drawn thinner than a female character in a Judd Apatow film. The angry Dalek laser beam trying to take him out.
For continued excellence in the field of douchal blight, we treat him as only we can.
We laugh at his scrotiness and lust after his girl’s boobs.
Thursday, August 21, 2008The Gauntlet
anonymous posts in yesterday’s Phelps thread:
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Db1,
The quality of d’bag pics has been low lately. I think the book tour distracted you. I think a lot of the non posted pics I have sent you in the past month have been better than posted ones. Keep the edge sharp and cleen my friend. Take another hit off of the wall and forget about the $$$$….
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I accept your challenge today, sir.
I start you with this. It will get worse.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008Is Michael Phelps a Douche?
The honorable folks over at Best Week Ever have decided to pay uncredited, uhm, “homage,” to the site with this post wondering if Michael Phelps is douche. “Best Rip Ever” is more like it. Because I’m clever like that.
But the question they ask is valid. Is Phelps douche?
Although the pic here suggests scrote, the larger body of evidence is muddled. Phelps has yet to make the “scene” with hott in tow, like various other celebs (::cough cough:: Mayerbag :: cough::).
But, still. Hat tilts. Hand gestures. Douche hair (when grown).
I gotta rule ‘bag. A minor stage-2 ‘bag. But ‘bag. The golds don’t excuse the douche. Hence Bruce Jenner. And Spitz was definitely a 70s retro ‘stachebag.
Sorry Phelps. Congrats on all the records and stuff, but you’re still going up on the HCwDB wall.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008The Rime of the Scrotey Mariner
It is a scrotey Mariner,
And he stoppeth one of three.
‘By thy long beard and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp’st thou me ?
The boat hott’s doors are opened wide,
And I am next of kin ;
The boobs are met, the cleavite is set :
May’st hear the merry din.’
He holds him with his douchey hand (gesture),
‘There was a ship,’ quoth he.
‘Hold off ! unhand me, grey-beard loon !’
Eftsoons his hand dropt The Shocker (and made the ‘Rocker Horns’).
He holds him with his douche-face eye (and kissy lips)–
The HCwDB-Guest stood true,
And listens like a three years’ child :
The Mariner smelled like douche-poo.
(with apologies to Coleridge)
