HCwDB
-
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
2010: The Year We Shave Groin
I think it’s safe to say that Douchebag Groin Shave Reveal (GSR), the act of the ‘bag not only shorning his genital region like a lamb in heat, but selecting clothwear to display such knowledge to the larger world, has become a full blown epidemic.
And by full blown, I mean he wishes Kimmy, Kelly and Kaylie would pay more attention. But they won’t. It’s just for the pic, Bob. Now go fetch me a chicken pot pie.
Ladies Groin Shave Reveal? Still fully acceptable and deeply appreciated.
Dudes? You are douche.
Double standard? Yes. Yes it is.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010HCwDB at the Scarsdale Temple Beth-Sinai Spring Social
Now David, Shoshanna, is that Ubiquitous Red Cup kosher?
Tuesday, May 4, 2010Lissa Tags a 'Bagling
Lissa writes in:
—-
He refers to himself as “T-Grant”. He drives a Range Rover, dubbed “Rangina”, and is never spotted in anything other than Burberry or Ed Hardy. He fits each of the “10 signs you might be a douche bag” yet nobody can admit he is one.
Hopefully this changes things, as he checks your site almost daily.
– Lissa
—-
This Suburban ‘Tardling almost gets points for naming his Range Rover “Rangina.”
Almost.
But not quite.
T-Grant, if you do read HCwDB, lose the bookmark. You’ve learned nothing, and are hereby banished to looking at TheDirty.com from here on out.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010Lissa Tags a ‘Bagling
Lissa writes in:
—-
He refers to himself as “T-Grant”. He drives a Range Rover, dubbed “Rangina”, and is never spotted in anything other than Burberry or Ed Hardy. He fits each of the “10 signs you might be a douche bag” yet nobody can admit he is one.
Hopefully this changes things, as he checks your site almost daily.
– Lissa
—-
This Suburban ‘Tardling almost gets points for naming his Range Rover “Rangina.”
Almost.
But not quite.
T-Grant, if you do read HCwDB, lose the bookmark. You’ve learned nothing, and are hereby banished to looking at TheDirty.com from here on out.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010Fruffy Pants
Why do men become douches? To impress and acquire the female.
Why do females respond to douches? Because douches display the signifiers determined by a society to mark one’s body as containing valuable cultural capital.
Who determines what these signifiers are? Products, brand names and the endless cacophonous consumption cycle that requires a perpetually unsatisfied hyper-stimulated media engine.
And this is the larger point.
When the male pursuit of the female through the exhibition of spectacle crosses over from the merely silly into the entirely ludicrous, it ruptures any semblance of dignity. It perpetuates endless sexual dissatisfaction and body image crisis. It makes money for corporations selling overpriced corporeal validation by the yard.
And it ends in a world of fruffy pants.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010Lint Diesel
When the “Bro Brothers” finally got Curvy Carrie drunk enough to cuddle, Lint Diesel decided the moment called for revelation of his patented ‘bag maneuver: O.G.S.R.
That’s right.
Orange Groin Shave Reveal.
And babies across the nation wept and screamed and gnashed their teeth in feral protest against the future darkness that awaits us all.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010Buddy Holla
Peggy Sue…
He’s a douche…
He’s a douche who’s nerdy too…
Oh Peggy…
My Peggy Sue u ue…
What?
You’re gonna point out that “douche” doesn’t rhyme with “Sue,” aren’t you? Gimmie a break, it’s early.
Monday, May 3, 2010The Portrait of Dorian's Gay
While I consider this image one of my lesser works of HCwDB artistic reclamation of the image in the age of the simulacrum, part of my “Post Lysol” period (and not likely to be submitted as part of my Guggenheim show in 2023), I do believe it deserved a name.
Monday, May 3, 2010The Portrait of Dorian’s Gay
While I consider this image one of my lesser works of HCwDB artistic reclamation of the image in the age of the simulacrum, part of my “Post Lysol” period (and not likely to be submitted as part of my Guggenheim show in 2023), I do believe it deserved a name.
Monday, May 3, 2010The Double Gargle
It’s a rare moment of alchemy on the site when the hottie/douchey dialectics actually reach a state of pure douche equilibrium.
With Ennis and Kelly, we find just such a state of double stage-4 taint gargle.
Unredeemable. No hope.
Pure, uncut, self contained poo.
