HCwDB
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Wednesday, March 26, 2008
No More Yo
Yo-Yo Bag writes in:
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I would like my picture to be taking down immediately. I do not wish this to effect my career opportunities because of the stupidity of some individual who submitted it. Thank you.
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Well, it’s always my policy to picture be taking down when not wished to the effect of.
Revised HCwDB of the Week winner shortly…
Tuesday, March 25, 2008Rehab Comes Through
Oh, Rehab at the Hard Rock. When the DB1 is low on hottie/douchey pics, you are there.
When the submissions aren’t rising to the boobie/scrotey levels of quality control, you are there.
You’re my security blanket and my horrorshow.
But thank you for being you.
And in an unrelated story, it seems The Joey Porsche Crew is off to join the army. The douche army.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008Caption this Pic
Would you like to see what else I’ve popped?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008They Love Lucy
It’s like watching The CW casting call for I Love Lucy: The Next Generation.
Only instead of Lucy/Ricky and that old couple upstairs, we get four club couples of talentless shine. Watch the lack of hilarity ensue!
Coming up on the CW at 9pm, after Hangin’ With a Bunch of Overweight Black Folks and Angry Supernatural Teens With Lots of Pop Culture References.
Man, I love that Tuesday night lineup.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008Ned's Fantasy Camp
When the other five guys from Ned’s insurance office took their vacation in Sarasota, Florida, to play in a week long Fantasy Baseball camp, Ned had other plans.
For Ned had designed his very own “fantasy camp.” It involved Vegas, a couple of bottles of Tequila, and Candi and Amber.
Ned called it “Fantasy Doucheball.” And it’s spreading like wildfire.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008Somewhere in Rural America…
In faux paneled bait shops, on the outskirts of the interstate, near that exit the truckers take, but before you get to the McD’s that employs half the local high school, lies many examples of girl-next-door Dianes getting mugged by emo’d up postmodern tatted up Jacks.
And if that sentence was a mishmash of literary aspiration, mocking critique, run-on habdashery, and John Cougar Mellencamp references, I blame the codine.
Monday, March 24, 2008Frankie the Water Guy
Uhm, Frankie, could you stop slacking off and posing with the guests? Table #10 needs a refill on their waters.
Mmmkay? Thanks.
And in a related story, I’d boobies the boobs while boobsing the boobies, just for the chance to boobs the boobsies while boobsing the boobs.
Boobs.
Monday, March 24, 2008Where's Waldouche: Miami Vice Edition
And while you’re mulling over your vote in the Weekly, somewhere, buried deeply within this lineup of Miami Beach Cheerleader Playthings, I’ve carefully hidden a Fratty Waldouche.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Hint: He’s the one who’s paying.
Monday, March 24, 2008If Satan Were a Douchebag
He’d be this guy.
Thank you. That’s the clever headlines you get when The DB1 is cracked up on Nyquil and Advil.
In case that coffee wasn’t workin’ for ya on this Monday morning, I thought I’d fire up all our collective consciousness with a jolt of satanic Hard Rock Rehab ubersquatt.
And tasty Spanish Cinnebons. Mmm… cinnebons.
Monday, March 24, 2008HCwDB of the Week
Your narrator in all things teat-party/Declaration of Scoadependence, The DB1, spent the weekend recovering from a nasty cold/flu, dazed out of his mind on the couch, and half consciously watching bad teen comedy movies on TBS.
But even in my Nyquil inspired daze, I still realized that Rob Schneider’s The Hot Chick was like a root canal to the soul.
That being said, my comments may be brief today, so pick up the slack and help me soldier on through. The good news is this is an excellent Weekly. And by excellent, I mean basic cable has too many commercials.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Inflation ‘Bag
The only downside of this otherwise perfect blending of hott, inflatadouche and creepy, hilariously awkward embrace, is the vaguely porny feeling we get.
I try to disqualify porn couples from contention, as calling them out for being greasy combos of hott/douche is like calling out the Quakers for being wussies who can’t take a beating.
Yeah, you, Quakers.
I’m talking about your mom.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Kid Scrote aka Two Boobs
Baw wit da baw, de bang de bang douchey douchey douchey,
Say that ‘baggy, said up jump the ‘baggy.
He’s like the Travelling Wilberry, if you merged Jeff Beck, Tom Petty, Roy Orbison, Kid Rock, and a gallon of southern douche grease into one person.
Then again, he’s kinda sweet. Underneath all that scruff and giant mandana, there’s just a kid who wants to rock.
She is down home key lime pie goodness, but in that inflated artificial sweetener, kind of way. Like Key Lime Pie with Olestra.
And boobs.
And a curve on her back that could melt ice and punch kittens in the snout.
Stupid cute kitten snout.
You deserved that punch, stupid cute kitten snout.
I have nothing else to add to this pic.
But since it takes up so much space on the page, I’ll keep rambling. Besides, my Dayquil hasn’t yet kicked in.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Saturday Yo aka Yo-Yo ‘Bag
PIC DELETED
I don’t think I realized the stealth power of this pic when I ran it on Saturday.
But really, getting back to basics, is there anything worse in a hottie/douchey coupling then what’s going on right here?
The sweet, innocent cutie with the crooked smile?
Yo MTV Douches, busting the worst hand gesture since Bob Dole let go of his pencil and tried to boogie at the USO dance?
Yup. The DB1 is cracked up on cold medications.
And them’s your three. This should be a tough contest. Any one of these three could win. But which one will?
Make your votes known, as always, in the comments thread.
