HCwDB
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Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Melissa's Art Class Scuplture
Lovely Melissa Hott shows great pride in her granite marble slab carving.
Inspired by both Michaelangelo and Rodin, Veronica sought to capture the spirit and essence of Michaelangelo’s “David” while invoking the postmodern aesthetics of Salle, Schnabel, and putzy shirtless uberdouche.
Good work, Melissa. Now chisel off the stuffed frog about to eat it’s head.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008The Crustacean for Hall of Scrote
Duck Duck Douche puts a nomination on the floor:
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I have a question, in the 8 short months that I’ve discovered your website I’ve noticed that Hall of Scrote candidates usually get nominated at the peak of their dooshy-ness like the Gator and Trainwreck.
After looking back through the archives, I find myself wondering why the Crustacean is not there. I’ve seen at multiple pics and he has in my opinion ,one of the best/worst pics on the site-
–Duck Duck Douche
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Excellent points, triple-D. The Puma armband + Ab Reveal is pretty significant within douche hierarchy. And I haven’t seen this many ambulatory Barbies since Todd Haynes’ Superstar.
So I put it to the you.
Is Crusty ready for the Hall of Scrote?
Tuesday, February 12, 2008The Torch
Think of it this way, Torch. At least you can see what’s in front of you and above you at the same time.
Flame on, indeed.
Huggy Blonde has perky truffle-like cheekbones that inspire Peruvian rats to spontaneously evolve into higher life forms with ambulatory thumbs just for the chance to woo her with picked berries from the tall trees.
What? Like you’ve never met spontaneously evolving Peruvian rats before?
Tuesday, February 12, 2008William Blake
The road of excess leads to the palace of too many tatts and a large white watch. — William Blake
The Brazilian Double Decker
The classic ‘bag/hott sandwich is rarely seen in such a crushingly pressed manifestation.
It’s like a Cuban pork sandwich. A tasty slice of meat pressed between two scroads.
Or the little known “Brazilian Double Decker,” whose ingredients include ham, swiss, mayo and sixteen cans of Axe Bodyspray. Sandwiched between two slices of pimento loaf, a Mohawk and a degree from DeVry.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008The Tie Fighter
Shirtlessness.
It’s what’s for douchebags.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008House
There aren’t that many indicators proving House is douche. Besides the ginormous Jesus bling on the shirt and the hott sucking on his nose.
But then you realize it.
The ephemeral douche-face. That hint of sneer and kissy lips that marks douche like no other indicator.
Yes, House is scrote.
But Play-Doh boobies make babies sing the Tinky Winky happy dance.
Monday, February 11, 2008Lost Lost Vanessa
PIC DELETED
Poor Lost Lost Vanessa.
Along with her best friend Debbie, she has wandered away from her idyllic middle class suburban princessdom. To spend three years having inadequate sex and dysfunctional conversations with emo douche.
Because they’re in a band. And she hates her dad. Who sells insurance and has a hernia.
Monday, February 11, 2008Beetledouche
Tell me the creepy crawlies crawling up Skater Von ‘Bag’s neck aren’t the same critters on Michael Keaton’s neck in Beetlejuice.
Mmm… Heathers era Winona Ryder.
As to the curves hugging Beetledouche here, I would half pipe her baseplates then nosegrind her goofy foot with a switch stance varial kick flip, just for the chance to empty her swimming pool while collecting unemployment checks and mourning my complete lack of future.
Monday, February 11, 2008HCwDB of the Week
These are three great candidates. And by great I mean a vile mix of cultural wrongness commingling with sexy perky boobage. In other words, the perfect Yin/Yang of hott/scrote wrongness.
But if you’re looking for the burnt redness of Millennium ‘Bag, scroll down. I gave him a bump directly to the Monthly. And by bump, I mean crimson.
So who gets to face off with Rusty in the Monthly? Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The ‘Bagnana Daiquiri 
Uberscrotage can always be sussed out by the noxious display of the Ab Reveal.
Combine that with chin dribble, the ubiquitous white belt, and a pointy ‘hawk that could impale a leaping river salmon in mid-jump, and it’s Douche-Con 1.
Then factor in three ladies from the temp agency down the street on their night off, and it’s all sorts of wrongness.
But there’s one factor that makes the ‘Bagnana a serious competitor.
The hint of the groin-tatt poking over the belt.
Gross. Very gross.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Pincushion
Uhm, yeah.
Uberboobies.
Chin piercing from hell.
Hair that Clive Barker wrote horror books about.
So why am I still yammering on?
Because the boobies inspire me.
The belly button piercing focuses my muse.
And the hair makes me spit up griddle cakes.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Deathtongue
We’ve featured many gorgeous women on this site, but rare is the hott that makes me want to cut out my kidney with a rusty spoon.
Deathtongue’s Quartasian hott is one that does.
She is inspiring.
He is your rank small town college guitar playing business majoring uberdouche.
He’s not a pro-douche, which makes the pic even more heinous.
He is Deathtongue. He has rhinestones in his shirt.
And she is perfection.
I will now sucker punch a dwarf.
So them’s your three. Three extremely worthy candidates. This is one of the toughest Weeklys in awhile, and that’s why I depend on you.
Which combo of rightness and wrongness is the perfect mix of grease and boob to rise to the level of victor?
That is up to you. Cast your vote by posting, as always, in the comments thread.
